Friday, August 24, 2012

Male Dominance: A Beginner's Guide

There has been a recent stirring in the Manosphere about the subject of Male Dominance within a relationship, with outstanding contributions to the subject being penned by no less than a laconic Heartiste (Roissy), Badger, and The Private Man all in one day.  I feel encouraged by this, as dominance within your relationship is one of the cornerstone's of Game, both Singe and Married varieties.

But this comment at the Chateaue caught my attention:

Jack@hotmail.comHow about some examples of how to ramp up the dominance? I mean how do you actually dominate?

Well . . . okay.

I'm going to cover a few basics, a kind of Beginner's Guide to Male Dominance, because as the posts above reiterate, even the desire for dominance has been punished in men for the last 40 years even as women have silently begged for it in their failing relationships.  Men, as The Private Man lays out for us, have grown up a lot like this:

1. A man is born into this world and into a female dominated household. His mother is either single or is the dominant adult in the family. 

2. His formative years are spent trying to appease mother and his always-female teachers. Masculine dominance is viewed by a feminized society as dangerous so through propaganda and/or drugs, the young fellow is controlled and forced into non-masculine behaviors and characteristics. There are no strong male figures in his life to balance this. 

3. Puberty hits, he treats the girls around him just as he treated his mother and his female teachers. He subordinates himself to them. There are still no strong male figures in his life to instruct him in the ways of girls. 

4. His adult sexual and romantic life is frustrating, confusing, and completely unfulfilled. Of course, if he discovers the Manosphere, he might learn the truth about women and turn things around. 

With so many guys not understanding that women want to be dominated, is it any wonder why 50 Shades of Gray is currently the most widely read book in the English language?

Oh, sure, the Alphas already know all this shit -- this is their bread and butter.  But for the rest of you, here's a few handy tips about how to be more dominant in your relationship if the taste of the Red Pill is new and strange on your tongue.

1. Be physically dominant.

More than likely, you are taller than the woman you are with.  Women are naturally attracted to taller men - men taller than they are - and height is the absolute #1 thing women find attractive.  "Tall Dark and Handsome" starts with the "tall".  If you are not taller than your woman, then you are going to have a harder time making this pay off.  Not impossible, but certainly more challenging.

But height alone isn't enough -- too many tall Betas have a kind of "Beta slouch" that they develop as they try to make themselves less threatening and intimidating, under the mistaken Blue Pill idea that women are attracted to non-threatening, unintimidating men.  Instead of slouching, stand up straight, as if a string was pulling you up to the sky from the top of your head.  Yes, you won't be as "eye level" and "equal" as your woman . . . and her panties will dampen as a result.  

Next, keep your shoulders back.  Imagine that you are walking in the dark, and you have two headlights on your nipples that have to be prominently displayed in order for you to move around.  That shows off your chest, shoulders, and arms, all good zones for attracting and keeping female attention.  Whatever you do, don't slouch.

Have a hard time figuring out what to do with your hands?  Pick a spot and keep them there.  Put them behind your back ("parade rest") to push out your manly chest.  Put them in your pockets to demonstrate a casual demeanor even as you dominate the room.  But don't use them to talk with.  Quick and jerky hand gesticulations are not dominant.  Slow, deliberate actions are.  And eye contact...there are plenty of blogs that tell you how to handle that, depending on the situation.  

In addition, ensure that you are always being physically dominant in relation to her.  Grab her hand to lead her through a crowd.  Use her elbow to steer her gently at parties.   Put a possessive hand on her arm, her shoulder, or (most Alpha) the back of her neck.   Loom ominously over her shoulder.  But always ensure that it's YOU who is controlling the action.

2. Be verbally dominant.

This is harder than not talking with your hands.  It's mostly not talking.  

Women talk -- the entire Female Social Network is utterly dependent upon communication, and women have a hard time knowing what they feel until they actually tell someone about it.  (I can relate, actually: sometimes I don't know how I feel about something until I write about it.)  And even though you're a dude, you like to talk, too...just about different subjects than she does.  

The problem is that talking too much is too much Beta for most women.  Women don't find a man who talks a lot appealing unless he's brimming with Charisma and knows how to entertain when he speaks.   The reason that the "strong, silent type" creates such a condensation problem in panties is because of the silent, as much as the strong.  Laconic men seem more serious to a woman, and when you think about our prehistoric forebears, there are good reasons for this.  The "strong silent types" would have been superior hunters to the "chatty, whimsical type", and therefore better providers.

But it goes beyond this.  When men associate together, their patterns of socialization and speech are very different from when there is a woman present, and even in mixed company their verbal patterns tend to be different than women.  With a female audience the men are all subconsciously competing for attention and interest, and are therefore interested in Demonstrating High Value whether they realize it or not.  

Since women respond better to men who are well-respected, and therefore highly positioned within the Male Social Matrix, then a good DHV is...being a man of few, well-chosen words.  The "talkative" guy in the group is almost always on the lower side of the Male Social Matrix, whereas the AMOG tends to be the one who commands respect and deference without speaking too much. 

But when you do talk, how you talk is very important.  

First, wait a moment before speaking -- don't interrupt, that's rude in the MSM (although it's a perfectly acceptable dominance skill in the FSM).  Pausing a moment before you speak not only makes you look thoughtful and deliberate, it ensures that the other person (say, your wife) is done speaking.  Looking thoughtful and deliberate is Alpha.  Looking insistent and argumentative is Beta.  

Second, save interruptions of your wife's speaking only for situations when it is important for you to establish dominance.  Let her have her say, and then make quite certain that she's done speaking...unless what she's saying is a direct Shit Test, Hamsterbation, attack on your masculinity or other feminine wile.  Then it's acceptable to interrupt her.  Since she understands at a basic level that interrupting is acceptable for women but not men, the fact that you are doing it is a message in itself: I feel strongly enough about this to violate my own gender's customs and express my dominance over your train of thought.

Third, maintain eye contact with her while you speak and while she speaks, and don't let your gaze shift about aimlessly.  That's a very intimidating move, one that is pure Alpha.  It should make her uncomfortable enough so that she starts dropping her gaze automatically.  (Mrs. Ironwood likes long car trips for just that reason -- she can discuss just about any aspect of our relationship without being subjected to the Eyes, since we're sitting side by side and someone is driving.)  

Fourth, speak slowly and quietly, so she has to lean in to hear you clearly.  Keep your tone even, especially if the emotional content of the conversation has gotten too high.  That establishes that you are In Control, not acting out of emotion but out of reason, and it puts your words in sharp contrast to her increasingly shrill tone in the case of an argument.  It has been noted elsewhere how speaking quietly to a woman but using harsh words and even profanity if warranted is a strong Alpha move, while whining, interrupting, and raising your tone over hers unecessarily is pure Beta.

Fifth, be thoughtful of your word choice when speaking.  Make sure to take the Alpha lead in speech by saying what you will do, and then inviting her along -- not proposing a potential course of mutual action.  

It's not "I dunno, where do you want to eat?", it's "I'm hungry for Mexican.  Unless you object strenuously, let's eat at El Diablo's."  

It's not "Can I bring you a cup of coffee?" it's "I'm getting a cup of coffee, you want to come along?"

It's not "do you think we should paint the hallway this weekend?" it's "I'm going to paint the hallway this weekend.  Stop by the paint store on your way home and pick out the color you want.  Interior paint, water-based not oil based, and call me if you have any questions."

It's not " you want to have sex tonight?" it's "I'm hornier than a three-balled tomcat...figure out which position you want to start off in and I'll get a running start on the foreplay."

See?  You lead with your words.  You don't ask permission, except in very specific circumstances.  You tell her what you are doing, and then leave the decision to follow up to her.  If she objects you can discuss it, but not having a plan, or leaving the planning to her, or being weak-willed in how you execute your plan, or even indecisive as you speak to her about your plan, all of that is Beta.  Knowing what you are going to do and then communicating that clearly to her is Alpha.

3. Be socially dominant.

Men often forget that women see everything in terms of the Matrix -- we're so focused on our individual achievement that we often overlook opportunities for displaying dominance in social situations.  But when she sees you in charge of a big non-profit event, or focused on getting the Cub Scout parade float organized, or being honored by your church for your outreach activities, or seeing you boss around the volunteers at this year's PTA auction, she gets a big shot of Happy Panties, because she reaps the benefits of your social dominance.  Since she most likely doesn't see you at work, where you may or may not be able to demonstrate your dominance, your role in the community can play a big part in her up-rating your Sex Rank in her subconscious.  

If you want to be dominant, then you have to assert that dominance everywhere, not just at home.  If doing so at work is difficult or impossible, then community organizations are the next best thing.  

Plus, this gives you a great opportunity to display Social Proof and attract a little Preselective attention.  A couple of horny divorcees on the Decorating Committee overheard talking about how they wouldn't mind stealing you away if your wife isn't careful isn't going to hurt, either.  Be charming, be lightly flirtatious, Game the hell out of them...but do it in a way that establishes your dominance over them in front of your wife.

4. Be visibly dominant.

This goes beyond your mannerisms and the amount of space you take up -- this has to do with your wardrobe and presentation.  When you slob out for no better reason than you don't have any reason to dress up, you're coming across as pure Beta to her.  When you make an effort - even when she's the only one you're going to impress - that's Alpha.  That means paying attention to your facial hair, haircut, nails, shoes, belt, clothes, and accessories.

It also means walking out front.  If you want to be seen as a leader...LEAD, for real.  Walk slightly in front of her in most situations, offering your arm if appropriate (exception: at a restaurant when you are being led to the table by a hostess, it's proper to let your wife lead.  At seat-yourself restaurants, you should lead).  

If you're in a group, be toward the front of the group, not the rear.  If you are in a casual cluster of other people then take a prominent position within the group where everyone can see you.  And then quit worrying that everyone can see you.  If your fly is down, let them assume that the Tiger is just too wild to keep in the cage, or something like that, and move on.  Alphas don't fret.

5. Be situationally dominant.

Nothing can blow your accumulated Alpha street-cred with your bride like the dumb look on your face when you are confronted with a problem you can't handle.  The opportunity to demonstrate your high value through a display of your competence in handling a challenging situation is high Alpha.

Of course no one is skilled and knowledgeable in everything, but if you have a specialty, then don't be afraid to assert your dominance through your knowledge and expertise.  The classic example of this of course is bribing the host or hostess of a restaurant to get a better table.  Of course this classic example has been lampooned so many times over the years I don't really encourage this unless you know what the hell you're doing.

An example: my brother Andy Ironwood never goes anywhere without a screwdriver in his pocket.  The number of times that something mechanical has come up suddenly and unexpectedly, and he's whipped out that screwdriver and used it to great effect, establishes him as Alpha when it comes to his competence and preparedness.  He is displaying situational dominance.

Another: A friend of mine was recently stuck at an airport on the other side of the country with his wife when their flight got cancelled.  He stepped up and took control of the situation and handled it without troubling his wife or inviting her participation in the decision making process.  Instead of standing there, a leaf on the winds of fate, he took command of the situation and established himself as Alpha by whipping out his credit card, making a few calls, and handling it.  I'm hoping he got righteously laid for his situational dominance.

 Another classic: changing a flat tire.  Nothing dries panties more than you looking helpless in the face of a flat.  Mrs. Ironwood and I were once on our way to a wedding, dressed formally, when we had a blowout.  Thankfully, I was a Boy Scout and was prepared for the situation.  I got out of the car, removed the tire-changing stuff from the trunk, and changed the tire so quickly that Mrs. I didn't even realize it (she was still on hold with AAA) until I put the car into gear and drove.  Elapsed time: 7 minutes.  Not quite NASCAR standards, but considering I was in a suit and it was raining, that doesn't suck (and righteously laying occurred as a result).

Being situationally dominant often requires you to think ahead and prepare for adversity and unknown challenges.  My personal symbol of the importance of being situationally dominant is the pocket knife and LED flashlight I carry around all the time.  It's not a screwdriver, but when something needs cuttin', whipping out a knife and hacking at it is Alpha.  Asking another dude if they have a knife is Beta.  Being able to see under the couch to establish the location of a precious child's toy is Alpha.  Feeling around blindly and finally having to move the couch because you couldn't see is also Alpha (unless you are physically unable to move the couch, then it's Beta), but it's not nearly as Alpha as successfully retrieving the toy.

6. Be sexually dominant.

This is a hard one for most men new to the Red Pill, because they've been trained over the years to shy away from sexual dominance in a relationship (in a one-night-stand they're more willing to try).  But establishing your dominance in the bedroom is vital.  We're not talking whips-and-chains, BDSM stuff here (unless that's already part of your sex life), we're talking about how you approach initiating and having sex.  And this is where shit gets real.

The key to the Red Pill is dominance, and the metric used to gauge success is sexual.  Working on your Alpha all week and then going Beta in the boudoirs is what the experts call "failing to close", and it kills all your other Alpha stock.   So don't fail to close.  If you have created sufficient opportunity, and you have laid the Alpha groundwork, she should be willing to fall back with her legs spread at the slightest push.  If she doesn't, and there isn't a compelling medical reason, you have a problem.

You see, as is becoming widely known in the Manosphere, female sexuality is responsive in nature.  If you give out all the right Alpha displays and then make an aggressive close and she still fails to respond eagerly, there is something else going on, something you need to discover.  It might just be a shit test, it might be a lack of interest, it might be a raging yeast infection...but part of being sexually dominant is not going to sleep sexually frustrated without a damn good reason.  

That doesn't mean you need to demand sex.  That's domineering, not dominant.  If you have to demand, you've already lost.

But it does mean that you clearly state and restate the expectation of sex to your wife, so that there is no chance of "missed communications" or "mixed signals".  A simple kiss and "I can't wait to get into your pants tonight!" in the morning sets the stage.  A text message at noon saying "Thinking about you...and your ladyparts" reaffirms it.  Saying "I love you -- and tonight I'll love you until you can't walk straight" during your afternoon phone call clubs the message over the head and drags it back to its cave.  And putting "Pleasure Husband 9:30-11:00 pm" on her Google calendar gives her no room for misunderstanding.  

Just make sure it's not the calendar her co-workers have access to.  Don't ask why, but let me assure you that can be awkward.

And once you do get her there...screw her hard.  One of the best pieces of advice from Roissy's essential 16 Commandments of Poon is Fuck Her Good.  A less-than-stellar performance in the bedroom is going to undermine everything else Alpha you've done.  It doesn't even matter as much that she achieves orgasm, as long as you're wildly enthusiastic about the fact that you are having sex with her.  (Note "with her").  Call her name a few times, use some rough language, pull some hair, don't be afraid to manhandle her a little, but demonstrate to her that you are erotically and aggressively invested in the act, and she'll love it.  Going Conan on her ass is pure Alpha.

So is being able to go the distance.  If she doesn't cum, for whatever reason, then the proper response post-coitus is "let's make out for ten minutes, and then I'm going to back over it until you're happy.  Really happy.  Like, 'ohmygod, why are you limping so badly and smiling so brightly?' happy."  THAT'S hardcore Alpha.

There you go, a Beginner's Guide to male dominance in a relationship.  Some of these things might not work for you, but some of them will.  They can't help but work, as long as your woman isn't Batshit Crazy or has an artificially depressed libido.  But you have to do the work and really commit to accepting your own dominance.  

Remember: if she has to ask you to lead, you've already lost.   You don't need her permission to lead, you need her acceptance of your leadership.  And as long as you are utterly unambiguous about your expectations, she should be utterly happy to submit to it.

Comments have been closed on this posting.  If you have questions, feel free to email the author at  Thank you for reading.


  1. Replies
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  2. This is incredibly useful advice, and I'm sure all us readers appreciate you sharing your wisdom. Now I'm going to go and put it to good use...

  3. Good post, but there is one exception here:

    "Have a hard time figuring out what to do with your hands? Pick a spot and keep them there. Put them behind your back ("parade rest") to push out your manly chest. Put them in your pockets to demonstrate a casual demeanor even as you dominate the room. But don't use them to talk with. Quick and jerky hand gesticulations are not dominant."

    This won't apply to Guineas, Gumbas, Greeks and Portuguese, etc since talking with your hands is essential and can't be avoided, the culture and languages actually cause it. Nevertheless, carry on.

  4. I'm so evil.
    I linked you to a Domme I like because I think her jaw might hit the floor, and the idea of that makes me laugh.
    There is some stuff to criticize in here, even for a conventional man with not a submissive bone in his body who is dealing with a woman with not a dominant bone in hers. Your Alpha and Beta dichotomy is a bit whacked in places - you use the term in a few spots where I don't even think you can apply those concepts (specific actions are rarely able to be categorized in such a way, it really does depend on context ). Then there is the fact you make no allowance for failure, esp. in the boudoir, but the fact is both partners are going screw up in there from time to time, just as both partners will mess up in other areas of the relationship from time to time. Shit happens.
    That being said, this is mostly a good post and I do see the value in pushing a bit farther in the dominant direction than you really needed to as many men will need to deprogram themselves from a lifetime of accumulated habits. So I would recommend this to men looking for a clue on how to act with most women but I will give them the following three caveats:

    A. Make sure her desires and needs are taken into account in the relationship
    B. Don't worry about failing occasionally. A woman who can never stand the slightest hint of emotional or physical vulnerability in her man is not someone most men are going to want to spend their lives with.
    C. No, means No when it comes to sex. You can try to change her mind but don't pressure. Getting laid at the expense of the relationship might not be something you want to do. And if you are like me and practice some BDSM remember Safe, Sane, Consensual.


  5. Just at the end of the article, you mention cases where a woman may be immune to Alpha. Perhaps the category of Batshit Crazy is larger and more fascinating, important to look at. I realize that I may be in this category, according to Red Pill standards. (Disclaimer: I'm a Bulgarian female, Red Pill is the norm here, but not the whole story.)

    I am, for all purposes, immune to Alpha, even at its most extreme. I totally love men, I can switch on the reaction, but I do so by choice. I have stood before high-grade exhibition of Alpha-behavior and learned not to budge. The contexts- either flirt or martial arts training and in some cases, a mix of both, because maleness gets a spillover. Nothing oozes more pheromones and masculinity than a sweaty hakama-clad handsome man, twice my weight, tall and sword in hand. I stand there and I am very aware of my reactions, but little by little I build another personality, what I call the genderless enlightened being, and that being, call it delusional, call it woo-woo, is sometimes how I move in the world. I need that being so that I don't get hit on the head. I am that being at least some of the time, because otherwise the world seems foggy.

    So play some Alpha for me and although I appreciate it, I somehow see it as crude, unenlightened. Show me that you see the real being that I am and I will let you play Alpha on my female persona. But know that it's just that, a mere part of me.

    Maybe there's more to Elizabeth Gilbert's desire to meditate and find happiness. Maybe this Red Pill view of families is too grim, too unenlightened and will only go so far. Maybe humans do indeed crave enlightenment and a woman, even a woman, will not want to live forever blissfully befogged by sex and game. The voice of the soul, the voice of the larger being we can become, is quiet but ceaseless and it may become a roar. Then, you may wonder why the woman is not haaaappy. No, it's not the beta. She does not crave the power of a strong male. She craves another power- keep that in mind, buy her a meditation retreat, present her with Carl Jung's Red Book and consider reading some Joseph Campbell so you can develop your own mythical dimension.

    Look at Tom Cruise. He is not merely Alpha male. Something else shines through. Scientology may be crazy, but this person indeed has some larger, mythical being living through him. I don't know much about thetans, but they sure give an otherworldly swagger. I've seen very manly men, and then I've seen manly men with a mythical dimension- martial artists, painters. The latter tower over all other maleness, they make the most rugged Alpha submit. They don't swagger or peacock, they just blow you away. And some women may develop a very substantial spiritual dimension. Even a little bit of this may leave a woman totally out of the game, which is kinda sad. So I have chosen to play my feminine persona, because it's pleasant and makes for a nice and friendly existence. But I also take care of my soul, because I really need to be haaapy. Luckily, I do it with much more finesse and less drama than Gilbert, but I still do it, knowing that skipping it will sicken me.

    I am waiting for the post on male spirituality, because it is a fascinating thing, and it brings a whole new dimension to sexiness, even with totally beta moves, as you call them. While spirituality is mostly genderless and colorless, men have skills which I, as a female, cannot imagine, and I also believe the male spirituality has also been limited in our feminized society. So please tell me what you think. Because some women may not fall for swagger, but will fall for that strange luminosity that some males have. Call it woo-woo, but I don't mind the woo-woo sexuality, or the lack of it. We're screwed no matter what, so we better explore a bit more before we die. So let's see if we can find the elusive haaaappy...

    1. By looking for something as intangible as "spirituality" you are setting up a situation that can and will be exploited by a good Pick Up Artist. Please see exhibit A

      "Burt is conflicted. He feels his identity loosening from his grasp, but he’s not making any effort to reverse the course he is on, of telling girls the truth. He has learned the hard way that girls are picky creatures and need certain requirements to consider a man for sex. She wants a guy who lives here? He’s him. She wants a guy who is interested in marriage? He can’t wait to find his soul mate. She wants a guy who loves dancing to club music? More Rihanna, please! He is everyone and he is no one."

      When you seek for the intangible, you are setting yourself up to be scammed.
      But hey, it's your life and it's your gatekeeping duties.

      I, personally, concentrate on things I can feel, and see, and measure using electronic devices.
      Everything is achievable through technology.

  6. Wow...that is one of the most astonishing comments I've ever read.

  7. Yes, I was just going to continue the topic by reminding that many a guru or regular PUA has gotten laid by means of intangible luminosity. Yes, achieving that enlightened look is quite easy and women fall for it, have fallen for it forever. It's the image of lord Krishna seducing the good wives with his pipe.

    I was also an advanced skeptic, a member of the James Randi forum, a debunker chick. However, the intangible kept popping up. So I figured I may as well learn a bit more about it. After a while, it gets easier to notice the spiritual phonies. It's hard to explain how it's done. But mostly, I look for a spiritual side that's been developed for years, that is a part of that person's life and not something in response to what I want. Too bad it's usually a bit older males that are developed like that.

    As for gatekeeping, I'm a traditionally raised Bulgarian girl and some of us are great at gatekeeping. In fact, looking for some spirituality is a good gatekeeping tactic. The rest comes from my great-grandmother's prudish, but wise Red Pill advice.

    In the end, I did not mean I was interested in men with a spiritual side. I am interested in a male that would take my spiritual side seriously, even when he thinks it's weird. Women often turn into witches, for us, it's quite easy to feel the need to "discover ourselves". It's quite frustrating when a man will not acknowledge that need and, for lack of a better term, turns into a suppressive person. In the ancient times, women were given time to go into the forest and be Bacchans for a week, to play with the divine for a while. In India, when a woman or man's family duty was done, they were free to meditate and discover their spirit. Carl Jung had a family and was serious and established when he felt an incredible pain and spent two hours a day meditating and dealing with that painful call. Result- The Red Book.

    I am also studying cognitive science and while we measure a lot of things with technology, a very large part of human experience remains unmeasured and unmeasurable. Most of all, the aching feeling, the feeling that something is missing. The pain may dissipate for a while with a good fuck or with children and a home, but the call will come again. Evolutionary psychology and brain imaging will only go so far telling you about how you should treat women. It's not just about brain computations, says the cognitive science of the last few years.

    I believe questioning and yearning is a natural part of the human condition, although some people never hear the call and don't think it's there. I do believe it's possible to integrate a spiritual side with normal life, even married life. But it has to be given some time and it has to be taken seriously. A husband may madden their woman if they try to force her to abandon her quest. A quest need not be so disruptive and destructive, it may be a part of living together, but it should be taken seriously. It's not a matter of young ladies seeking exotic religions, it's an adult thing and it happens with different intensity, but it can happen.

    Playing game when things get that serious is ridiculous, it's what makes women run away to an ashram. Check out the novel S. by John Updike.

    Well, it's a huge topic, so I stop here, and in case anyone has converted to scientology due to my posts, I expect to be contacted by the CoS and receive 10 percent of your auditing fees as commission.

  8. I love the second picture (the B&W) - I kinda got stuck looking at it for a while. When 7man puts his hand on my face, I just melt. ::sigh::

    A man has a lot of power in his hands, in how he touches. If she feels the strength of his hands when he handles her roughly, but also his gentle but firm touch, she might as well be clay in his hands and she will want to honour him as some kind of creator who has made her what she is - pliable and malleable.

  9. Excellent piece, Ian. Need more time to read your blog. If the women looked as good as they do in your "cheesecake" pics that would be a great motivation for men to be dominant. But we're just not going to get a lot of help from women here anymore, are we...

  10. Seeing as Mrs. I is a doctor and you've been married for a while, care to shed some light on yeast infections and other nasty things that are part of reality when married even and especially when trying to get sexy. I know Athol at MMSL wrote about it before, and he's from a nursing background, but still, your input would be appreciated.

  11. "Not quite NASCAR standards".... you mean Formula One standards.

    NASCAR stop: 12-14 seconds to change all 4s

    Formula One: 3 seconds to change all 4s. The McLaren team is doing it in 2.4 seconds when they get their shit together.

  12. I'm a 26 y.o european female and I must say, I Love your blog. I wish all the guys around me could read and assimilated your clever advices. It's crazy how guys have really no clues of what we (woman) really want in man.


  13. I am a thirty year old female who, like the previous visitor commented, also enjoyed stumbling across this article. I think all men should read this. Itnight teach them a thing or two about what females find attractive and it is written in a manner that is just witty enough. I'm not sure how i feel about having a relationship that is 100% make dominate, because i have my own issues with giving up control. but i do find myself constantly surrounded by beta males. Most guys could use a lesson in being a little more Alpha. Alpha is sexy, period.

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  18. [If you find this comment too offensive, feel free to delete it. I can just as well post it in my blog.]

    This article is amazing. I found myself just gasping for air in utter amazement. I mean, I know that the USA are one hell of a feminist country, but I had no idea it's that kind of 1984. I mean, I wouldn't want to spend one second in a place where THIS counts as dominant.

    Now, where should I start?

    > It's not " you want to have sex tonight?"
    No, of course not. But:

    > "[---]figure out which position you want to start off in[---]"
    Tell me I'm dreaming. You are asking a woman in which position she wants to have sex???? I mean, seriously, you are ASKING A WOMAN IN WHICH POSITION SHE WANTS TO HAVE SEX????

    > See? You lead with your words. You don't ask permission
    No, but you're asking her to make decisions. That's obviously even worse.

    > but not having a plan, or leaving the planning to her, [---] all of that is Beta.
    Right! Very good! And now look at the second-previous quote. What did you do? You told her to make a decision.

    I might occasionally give my girlfriend a choice between a couple of options – most likely, though, a mock choice, like I'd ask her to choose into which hole she wants it, which is not really a choice, because it's obvious which one she'll choose – but I don't think I have ever asked any of my sex partners in which position she wants it. And it has never, ever, crossed my thoughts to tell her to decide which position we'll have sex with. And not in my wildest dreams could it possibly occur to me to tell her to FIGURE OUT which way she wants it – that is, work out a decision when she's still undecided.
    That is not just totally un-alpha. That is barely a man. When she is undecided, it is naturally your job to make a decision, not to tell her to make one.

    The sexual submissiveness you display in the above quote makes all your later rhetorics about sexual dominance simply laughable.

    But it gets worse.

    > and righteously laying occurred as a result
    Wait, what? You quickly and expertly changed the car tyre and your wife rewarded you with sex – and you're boasting it like a big achievement? And you're calling yourself sexually dominant?? A man who holds it for self-evident that sex is a reward for good behaviour is calling himself an alpha??? Again, tell me I'm dreaming.

    But it gets worse still.

    > If you give out all the right Alpha displays and then make an aggressive close and
    > she still fails to respond eagerly, there is something else going on, something you
    > need to discover.
    So far, so good. But then comes the, as the German's so nicely say, Arschbombe (arse-bomb):

    > But it does mean that you clearly state and restate the expectation of sex to your
    > wife
    Wife? Wife?? WIFE?????????
    So all the above was about getting sex from YOUR STEADY PARTNER??
    This can't be real.

    > A simple kiss and "I can't wait to get into your pants tonight!" in the morning sets
    > the stage. A text message at noon saying "Thinking about you.and your ladyparts"
    > reaffirms it. Saying "I love you – and tonight I'll love you until you can't walk
    > straight" during your afternoon phone call clubs the message over the head
    My eyes are popping out of my head. I can't find the right words to express how much I pity a man who is such a sexual slave to his steady partner. I mean, when I want to have sex with my girlfriend, I'll just walk up to her and start touching her and that's all I ever need to do to get her to respond. I would go crazy in a week (no, I would kick the bitch out in three days) if I needed such daily Sun-Tzuish blandishment campaigns to get something as elementary as sex out of my steady partner.

    Dude, you seriously need to re-check your Greek alphabet.

    1. Dude you seriously need to look up the dictionary definition of the word "Beginner's".

      I'm talking to Betas who have never even thought about being dominant before. You don't fly before you crawl, and most dudes can't handle more dominance than this at the beginning because they lack confidence and experience. While I'm sure you're the real-deal dom in every way, expecting a man who has been struggling with dominance AT ALL to suddenly become masterful at it is foolish.

      Your pity isn't needed OR warranted. The men I'm talking to have usually made a permanent commitment to a woman, and within the bounds of a permanent commitment (and yes, I acknowledge that they are bounds) the relationship dynamic changes for a reason.

      And your approach isn't even particularly well-suited to a LTR. Sure, if you want to be a Bull Alpha stud who never settles down and keeps a rotating harem of sex partners, then your Basic Game techniques will work with a woman for a while. You don't have to worry about long-term consequences because you have committed -- essentially -- to disposable pussy.

      But in the Advanced Game of a Red Pill marriage there are sophistications of which you are unaware, and dynamics at work that are not readily apparent. A Wolf Alpha's approach isn't so crude and myopic -- the goals are not dominance for dominance's sake, or even for your personal pleasure, but toward the fulfillment of a higher goal. If you aren't ready to make a commitment at that level, then stay in the Puerarchy with my blessing . . . but don't offer criticism of a Game for which you are unversed, untrained, and unprepared.

    2. Hey, i really need to say this as i feel that not allowing people their own point of view is domineering, not dominant;and point out that you haven't read the article in the spirit that it was written in. It's named Beginner's and as such examples are given to certain situations. That does not mean the an actual conversation will have those exact same words or it may have those words depending on the mood and the relationship between two people. You can be witty and funny and still be alpha. It is not mutually exclusive. Opressive doms that don't allow a sub to have a face and a voice will kill the need to submit and turn it into a certain abuse of the trust placed in them. As maleable as a sub can get, manipulation is a thing to watch out for.
      I digress. If your opinion is different, say so in a respectful manner, after careful consideration to the text.
      P.S.: Lovely article, many first timers can get a clue here.

    3. "I can't find the right words to express how much I pity a man who is such a sexual slave to his steady partner"

      And this is why we still need feminism
      There's a difference between intelligent dominant man who is aware that what he gets from the woman is something special, and that she deserves some respect for it
      And a rude asshole who thinks he owns woman for his own pleasure and she doesn't get to say a thing

    4. Sorry, but feminism doesn't do any favors to this situation. Indeed, while claiming to push for "equality", your own words belie it. An intelligent, dominant man might get something out of a relationship with a woman, but it has nothing to do with either her "specialness" or her feminism. In fact, feminism leads in the opposite way, with men ceding respect for women just for being women, instead of on their own merits. Feminism's insistence on equality negates any attempts at male dominance in theory and in practice it rains down fire on any real attempt at a man to assert himself in a relationship. If a woman deserves respect in the relationship that is because she is earned it with her femininity, not because it is mandated by some 20th century ideology. That's merely handing her a club with which to emotionally emasculate him.

      I'm not saying that the commenter was correct at all -- I don't consider myself a slave to my relationship, I am its master. A man intelligent enough to recognize the difference between being dominant and being an asshole is also intelligent enough to know when an alliance with a woman who espouses feminism is doomed to strife and conflict as she tries to wrest control of the relationship. It has nothing to do with ownership, pleasure, or the right to get a say. A man has a responsibility to the woman in his life, but if she is unwilling to deal with his dominance -- as most feminists are -- then she's likely not going to be a very good wife. Women are fungible, and there is little one can provide that can't be easily replaced. Feminism denies this, declaring that all women are special little snowflakes.

      There is a flip side to this: If he has to resort to custom and tradition for his dominance, he's unlikely to be a good husband. A dominant husband has no trouble using his authority, and his authority alone, for the right to dominate his marriage. If he has to fall back on "the Bible says so!" or similar appeals to authority, he has abrogated his own. You can't borrow ALPHA, you have to grow your own.

  19. Damn... as a woman, all that shit is true.

    1. only for you. that's the thing about women, we are individuals. LE GASP!

    2. Yet when you put a bunch of female individuals together and consider them in aggregate, generalized patterns of predictable behavior appear! LE GASP!

  20. I completely agree with all of this. I'm an old school type of woman and it just seems like this man is a rare find. I've only been with a two people that have been completely dominant and I love it. I want a man not a boy and I think a lot of males don't understand their roles and because of this there are tons of divorces. Women take a more dominant role because the males don't know what to do or how to do it so we have to. We don't actually want to take the lead, some women do but most don't, we only do it out of necessity. Thank you for making this clear as day

  21. Pick the man you want to be and be it. The ladies are right. see all too often soft men that cower to their girls and wrought with indecision... its not about being an arrogant ass or a loud mouth-- being dominant is being confidant and in control of yourself with an inner strength in who you are and thus taking crap from no one. Everything else falls in line with that

  22. I am a female with a semi beta male. Don't get me wrong I love his sensitivity but there are times when I thirst for more. I just want him to grab a hold of me and tell me how it is. Or have him take control of situations. I really want to show him this article. It is so sexy to read and just thinking about him portraying these trait would be a fantasy. I cant express the excitement going through my mind just thinking about it. SIgh.

    1. I too, am married to a semi-beta who seems to be getting more beta throught the years. I WILL be showing him this article; we have recently started openly talking about my being naturally submissive- I ALWAYS have been to him. The part i'm trying to get him to understand is that the whole dynamic of the mdom/fsub relationship stems from the dom making sure the needs of the sub are met first, then the dom naturally will have their needs met as well. His issue is that he seems to gete corny with it when he tries a little hard. His response to my questioning of it and trying to discuss it is that he has to be dom at work (he's a Contractor PM) so sees home as his break from that. I sort of feel like that means he's not naturally inclined to be dom.....we're working on it.

    2. I'm so glad someone with s&m inclinations has entered the conversation, since I feel it adds a whole other dimension to things.

      Actually, my guy is a carpenter, and I feel like it's the same things, he's so tough around the guys all day, that he feels like he gets to "slouch off" at home.

      Its kinda of a subs worst fear: I love you, but you can't smack me around an tell me to be an obedient (insert derogatory term)!

  23. I absolutely love this! As a strong, intelligent, single woman who not only takes care of my own shit but sometimes others' too, I'd give my left nut, metaphorically speaking, to find a dominant man. I'm so tired of the "but what do YOU want, where do YOU want to go, what do YOU want to eat" et al. I want you to get your shit together, grow a pair, shut up, and stand firm on a decision. And fuck me however you'd like best. That alone will get me off. Required reading here...

  24. This assumes a lot about the female psyche. I think you have to be pretty simple-minded to believe every woman wants this. Plus, we live in a modern society, where acting like cavemen does not usually help in the long-run. I think it's actually a hindrance in many instances.

    Also, I think there is nothing wrong with acting dominantly, but only if the other person consents to it. Sex should ALWAYS be consensual. Don't just assume what another person is willing and likes to do.

    1. No, every woman doesn't want this. But a majority likely do, based on the observable evidence.

      "Acting like a cave man"? Where in the article did you see any place I seriously advocated that? In point of fact, the biggest complaint that modern women have about modern men is that they don't act enough like cave men -- if you can establish precisely what that means.

      It has nothing to do with consent. I don't need anyone's consent to be dominant. Not my wife's, not yours. This is not about HOW TO DOMINATE YOUR WIFE, this is HOW TO BE A MORE DOMINANT MALE. It has nothing to do with consent. If a dude is more dominant without his wife's "consent", and she objects to that . . . dude needs a new wife.

      Your comment rests pretty much entirely on Blue Pill thinking, which is what we're trying to get away from here.

  25. I'm a girl. You need to work on the lines. Alot. But i appreciate the thought.

    1. If you're hearing this as "lines", you're missing the point.

  26. I don't even think most men really want to be the wimpy, at your service males that many have become. The American society has somehow indoctrinated many men to believe that they have to be this way to get and keep women happy. There is a reason there are more beta males now than in the America of the past. Women, in their usual conflicted mindset, have been publicly clamoring for more sensitive and "nice" men, yet secretly yearning for dominant men. Many men are suppressing the rage to be dominant, while trying to be the men they think women want them to be. I'm certainly of the opinion that these hardcore lesbian feminists pulled a fast one on the American woman,using the guise of feminism to rubbish the role of the man as the leader and protector in a relationship. So many women who want dominant men still scoff at the idea that the man is the leader in any relationship. I can imagine that a man who has been emasculated in other aspects of a relationship would have a much tougher time assuming the dominant role during sex.
    That being said, I agree with the author of this post, u gotta be a man and let your balls a boss!

  27. I'm a naturally dominant 35year old woman. I was ten years married to a beta man, the whole time I managed the office at work, then managed the household and him when I got home. I begged him to alpha up, but he couldn't or wouldn't. I was so exhausted the marriage ended.

    Now I've met a younger man who is naturally very alpha, but he spent the first 3 months in our relationship (laughably) struggling to 'act beta' to impress me. Duh! We've raised 2 generations of men now who think they cant be MEN and still respect women. It was quite obvious he was trying to suppress himself.When I frankly told him that I could see his true colours and his dominant nature is an incredible turn on it was like finally letting a lion out of it's cage. Yes! My relief is HUGE to finally have a man in charge! He even admitted the frustration he'd felt too, holding back so much. The sex was good, now it's through the roof as he's taking what's his when he wants it and realises it drives me mad for him. Even if this relationship doesn't last I've done other women a huge favour by opening the cage door for one man.

    He doesn't tolerate my sh*t tests, the power struggle is over and he makes me feel very desirable and valued. Thank God for Alphas!

    1. I am with husband and I am young with 4 years of marriage...I do everything and have worked hard to get him to 'man up' or go alpha but I can't even get him to decide what food for lunch...I'm worried things will end because it is hard to respect him...a few times that he did when we started was amazing but now we are lost....any advice?

    2. As someone who's been on the other side of that coin, I can help. Most beta male behavior comes from a lack of experience, or a lack of confidence. Instead of demanding he take the lead, which makes doing so a submission, simply fall in behind him. If you start being submissive, he will begin to be more accustomed to being dominant. I know it sounds too simple to work, but if you want the power dynamic to shift, then surrender that power. Instead of making him be alpha, let him be.

  28. I have to say...when I ask my husband to make decisions and let me relax ..I think this article is the exact meaning of what I am asking him....maybe I should accidentally send this to his email...

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  38. Oh My God! This was amazing! Ironwoods books are phenom also.

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  76. my name is MELINDA i want to testify about a great spell caster that help me cast a spell that bring my ex boyfriend back to without any delay. I broke up with my ex with just little misunderstanding hoping we will get back shortly,but things was growing worse until i contacted DR. AKHERE who help me with his historical powers to bring him back, without charging me any money for his work, i have never believed in a spell caster until i come across DR. AKHERE Well it will be of great sin if i should go out from here without dropping the contact of this great spell caster,in case you need the help of this great spell caster you can contact him through his email: once you contact him all your problems will be over,once again i say very big thanks to you sir for helping me to recover my ex back, and please sir keep your good work cause people need your helping hand in their lives.once more contact him on his email

  77. Wow this is the most amazing and the more powerful opinion are shared in this post but i am in the search of the girls and dressing games like the dress up games for girls

  78. Such a really nice and great informative blog post.It's really helpful with us.

  79. i want to say a very big thanks and appreciation to Dr.kizzekpe for bringing back my husband who left i and the kids for almost two months. i am very much grateful to Dr.kizzekpe. I pray God almighty will give you the strength and wisdom to help more people having similar problem like mine. for help you can reach him on his email address:


  80. He is the greatest amongst all spell caster’s Am Oliver benson from united states I saw this man on the net my lover who has left me for more than 2year she is back within 3day after I saw this spell caster he real if you are in any kind of problem contact him via email: or you can call him on +2348079367204 he is the greatest amongst all

  81. This is my testimony about the good work of a man who helped me..My name is Olivia mike, and I base in London.My life is back!!! After 8 years of marriage, my husband left me and left me with our three kids. I felt like my life was about to end, and was falling apart. Thanks to a spell caster called papa Justus who i met online. On one faithful day, as I was browsing through the internet, I was searching for a good spell caster that can solve my problems. I came across series of testimonies about this particular spell caster. Some people testified that he brought their Ex lover back, some testified that he restores womb, some testified that he can cast a spell to stop divorce and so on. There was one particular testimony I saw, it was about a woman called grace,she testified about how papa Justus brought back her Ex lover in less than 72 hours and at the end of her testimony she drop papa Justus e-mail address. After reading all these,I decided to give papa a try. I contacted him via email and explained my problem to him. In just 3 days, my husband came back to me. We solved our issues, and we are even happier than before. papa Justus is really a talented and gifted man and i will not to stop publishing him because he is a wonderful man...If you have a problem and you are looking for a real and genuine spell caster to solve that problem for you. Try the great papa Justus today, he might be the answer to your problem. Here's his contact: Thank you great Justus. Contact him for the following:

    (1)If you want your ex back.
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  82. I am writing this because I want to testify how great you are Dr. Lee. Everyone needs to know! I am a very satisfied and happy customer. I can’t tell how long it’s been since I’ve bought spells online, but none of them had the same results than yours. Eliton definitely reconcile with me 2 weeks ago. It was just a few days after you cast your spell. I know I should have messaged you before, but I was a bit scared that he could find out about the spell you did so I removed all your emails. Anyway, I can tell all your future customers who are reading this that they are doing the right thing to go with you for a spell. It was always great communicating with you and all the services you offer are just excellent. Thank you for everything you did for me. Any interested one should contact him through


  83. I was married for 18 years. I dated him for 5 years, so basically, we were together 23 years. Two years ago, he came home early and told me he didn't want to be married. I was devastated!I've never been traumatized like this before. I have been hospitalized 5 times due to nervous breakdowns because of this. I got the house in the settlement and it is paid for. However, I cannot live's far too much pain for me to be in the first, and only, house we bought. I'll never be the same. My hear has been ripped out and stomped into the ground. I miss him tremendously, and I pray to God everyday, several times a day, that my husband will come back to me. His family played a great deal in him leaving, and I want to move out of state (his job requires him to travel quite a bit to one particular state that I will not disclose. I ask all of you who reads this to please join me in praying that my husband (ex) will come back to be with me the rest of our lives. all my dreams come through the help of Dr. Ikhine the powerful spell caster who help me to cast spell that brought him back to me contact him on or call him on +2347060552255 for help thank you very much Dr.

  84. Thanks to Dr.kizzekpe for hearing and responding to my work for my marriage to be restored and perfected by His great powers. I await His perfect timing to reveal His great works. I have been told to ‘Expect my Joy’ and I do! today my Husband came back to me with the power of Dr.kizzekpe temple. Here is he's email address if you are having problems in your relationship or

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  87. Great article. I've noticed over the years that men have become WAY more beta than for their own good. Friends of mine have lost wives (in my opinion) over their lack of Alpha traits. Toned down a little, this would be great for boys to read and learn from.

    By the way...can anyone tell me where I can find a good "spell caster"???LOL

  88. Awe-inspiring blogs, I love reading your articles.
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  89. i love these type of games websites which are very much best for all those who is the one who have alot of issue while playing the games as well as the new one to be done through

  90. Before "dominant" was called chilvary. Now it's considered abuse. You then wonder why women never know what they want!

    Yes this is coming from a woman. I want a man not a boy and a man knows what he wants and goes for it. Confidence is always a turn on. Loved the read!

  91. I am from USA, after six years in marriage with my husband with 3 kids, he suddenly started going out with other women and coming home late, each time i confronted him it turns out to be a fight and he always threatened to divorce me at all time, my marriage was gradually coming to an end. i tried all i could to stop him from this unruly attitude but all proved abortive, until i saw a post in the forum about a spell caster who helps people cast spell on marriage and relationship problems, at first i doubted it but decided to give it a try, when i contacted this Spell caster Dr. Udu Oni via email, he helped me cast a spell and within four days my husband came back apologizing for all he has done and promised never to do such again and today we are happily together again. Contact this Great spell caster for your marriage or relationship issues on his email address; or or call his mobile number on +237053839053


  93. This is a very joyful day of my life because of the help Dr.Okakagbe has rendered to me by helping me get my ex back with his magic spell. i was married for 6 years and it was so terrible because my husband was really cheating on me and was seeking for a divorce but when i came across Dr.Okakagbe email on the internet i explained my situation to him and then seek his help but to my greatest surprise he told me that he will help me with my case and here i am now celebrating because my Husband has change totally for good. He always want to be by me and can not do anything without my present. i am really enjoying my marriage, what a great celebration. i will keep on testifying on the internet because Dr.Okakagbe is truly a real spell caster. DO YOU NEED HELP THEN CONTACT DOCTOR OKAKAGBE NOW VIA EMAIL: or call +234815885231

  94. Getting my Ex back was something that i couldn’t imagine will be so easy. I’ve known speck for years, When we finally got together,things were so weird so we broke up in February 2011.In June 2012, he and I recently got back together and we were together until march of 2013 of which he told me he was not interested in the relationship again, for a reason she didn’t say. During that time my mind was completely at a state of unrest, I wasn’t eating, neither was i sleeping,talking to anyone was even more difficult, I cried,I was so depressed and stressed out that I was scared and was even planning to end it all but a friend of mine named Lucas Scott who passed through same situation adviced me to contact Dr.okakagbe to help me.because I Love and care about him deeply and I just want us to be together again, i contacted him reluctantly. I never used to believe in spell casting but i gave it a try and it was a positive result. Today we are happily married and blessed with two wonderful kids. To you all out there faced with the same problem or similar to this, you can contact Dr.Okakagbe via email address once again thank you Dr. for bringing back my love. call +2348156885231

  95. I am her to share my experience with the world on how i got my love back and saved my marriage… I was married for 6 years with 3 good lovely kids and we lived happily until things started getting ugly and we had a fights and arguments almost every time… it got worse at a point that he filed for divorce… I tried my best to make him change his mind & stay with me cause i loved him with all my heart and didn't want to loose him but everything just didn't work out… he moved out of the house and still went ahead to file for divorce… I pleaded and tried everything but still nothing worked. The breakthrough came when someone introduced me to this wonderful, great spell caster who eventually helped me out… I have never been a fan of things like this but just decided to try reluctantly cause I was desperate and left with no choice… He did special prayers and cast a love spell on him. Within 7 days he called me and was sorry for all the emotional trauma he had cost me, moved back to the house and we continue to live happily, the kids are happy too and we are expecting our fourth child… I have introduced him to a lot of couples with problems across the world and they have had good news… Just thought I should share my experience cause I strongly believe someone out there needs it… You can email him at: or you can call him +2348078927387.