Wednesday, August 29, 2012

50 Shades Of Game: Why Feminists Hate The Book

Everyone seems to be running around being shocked – shocked, I say! – at the stunning popularity of the 50 Shades of Grey e-novel, involving a virginal young woman and a dark, dominant and kinky billionaire (of course) in a series of BDSM experiences that have panties dripping across the globe.  It’s the latest in mommy porn, and you can expect a lot more like them in the future, if my agent is to be believed.   There will be a movie.  The entire adult industry took a serious up-surge this year, thanks to 50 Shades.  There is a nationwide shortage of glass Ben Wa balls at the moment.  Mommies and middle-aged spinsters everywhere are getting a serious case of the hornies over this book. 

 Good on them.

But what disturbs the feminists is the fact that this HIGHLY popular book is, indeed, highly revelatory about the female sexual psyche, and those insights lead to some dangerous (to them) and politically inconvenient truths. Among these:

a)      Women like porn.

b)      Women like porn . . . a lotRomance novels, soap operas and celebrity rags are a massive industry for just this reason.

c)       Women like their “spicy” (read: explicit) porn served up with a side of BDSM, that is, Dominance and Submission.  And throughout all of these books, it ain’t the heroine who’s cracking the whip.

d)     50 Shades is an admitted rip-off of the equally-awful and equally-feminist-lambasted Twilight books, and copies the"romance" of the original along to a depressing fault. Yet this may be the biggest thing in sex so far this century.  Only, the massive popularity reflects the above-mentioned truths so well that a lot of men are starting to re-think their entire approach to sex with their wives or girlfriends.  I'll be doing another post soon about what the popularity of 50 Shades means for men, but in this one I'll cover why it's twisting the knickers of the feminist establishment and a plethora of bloggers.  Indeed, I can sum it up in one word.


The appallingly-formulaic nature of these stories is so brutally revealing about the truths behind “what women want” that feminists are referring to this book as glorifying “violence towards women” just by its male-dominant  theme.  The fact that it's porn is secondary; the objection here from the feminists is primarily that men aren't allowed to be dominant with women.  Despite the fact that it's clear from the sales and the hype and the millions of soaked panties that seems to be precisely what the women of America want.

 What women want – that is, what gets them sexually excited, which is the part we dudes really care the most about – is dominant, Alpha-presenting men.  

Strong, silent, tall, dark, handsome, rich, debonair, passionate . . . it’s the James Bond/Dark Triad thing once again under all of that Grey.  He's the ultimate romance hero, minus the vampiric abilities.  That is, he's a Bad Boy with a Heart of Gold who is just Misunderstood deep down inside, and who just needs enough Magic Vagina in his life to coax him into blissful matrimony.  

But it's the Bad Boy part that sells.  Feminists don't want to admit that Rich is sexy.  Handsome is sexy.  Dominant is sexy.  Power is sexy.  Masculine strength is sexy.  Men who don't cater to the whims of women are sexy.  If you take the hero Grey and make him an affable and sensitive billionaire who just cares so darn much about the heroine that he does everything she says, and everyone can see the eventual high-profile divorce evolving.  The Hero has to be a Bad Boy, because panties don't get wet over Good Boys or Nice Guys.  That's why True Blood remains so popular.  Add in the supernatural, then you get a panty-drenching combination you can take to the bank, over and over again.

The truth is, feminists have a right to be concerned.  Not because these books advocate violence against women, but because it very clearly lays out just what gets most women the hottest.  And if a man knows what gets a woman hot – and let me assure you it ain’t his keen housekeeping skills – then men are going to start . . . y’know . . . actually doing that stuff.  The dominant stuff.  Not catering to the whims of women and being overly deferent and not asking permission to use the bathroom and everything.  It will be a disaster for feminism!  

Think about it: millions of women just discovered that they like dominant men and BDSM-style sex.  They fantasize about being told what to do.  They have a deep-seated sexual desire for submission in their soul, and if the right dude shows up and knows Game, they'll go nuts.  Now think of millions of men suddenly cluing in to the fact that their wives and girlfriends really, really want them to be more dominant, but know if they ask them to be or tell them to be, it won't count.  That's Solomon's Dilemma: a woman cannot ask a man to lead her, or it doesn't count.  He just has to do it and she has to decide if he's worthy of following.  If half of the Blue Pill Beta husbands out there who busted their feminist wives reading this book "just to see what the fuss is about" suddenly strapped their testicles back on and stood up for themselves to their domineering wives, we'd see a sea-change in how American culture and the SMP works.  

If the Betas/Gammas/Deltas in America learn Game, the feminists are all but done for.  If the few "happily" married women out there suddenly stop plotting affairs and exit strategies and start getting righteously boned by their reborn husbands, then they'll be a lot less likely to explode into rage over the stupid stuff feminism throws them, like Roosh's designation as a "hate group" because his kung fu actually works.  

Personally, I think we've passed Peak Feminism awhile back.  They've been intellectually coughing up blood since the Lewinski Affair, anyway, where they had to issue a painful excuse for their political ally for the High Crime of Fellatio.  Since then, the American public hasn't been able to listen to feminist pundits without remembering how they responded then, and that has undermined their influence.  This book might be the beginning of the end.

After all, if one crappy book is enough to shed forty years of feminist theory about sex and gender roles and the proper use of neckties for millions of women, then how strong can feminist  intellectual arguments be?  Not stronger than the collective power of female arousal, clearly.  That's a dilemma for feminists, because on the one hand they want to encourage sexual exploration in women...just not for the perceived benefit of men.  So the feminist consensus says that while that’s OK for women to read about that sort of thing, it’s JUST for women to read about.  Because if this information fell into the wrong hands, then . . .

Well, then the Beta Boys might learn Game.  And then the feminists lose their power.

Because, Gentlemen, we are the wrong hands.

You can dissect any of these books and the same meme comes across, no matter what the hero’s specifics.  He’s an Alpha (or Super-Alpha, depending on the ego of the writer), dominant, and he stands up to the heroine’s bullshit.  He teases her, he’s even cruel.  He negs her.  He refuses her.  He insults her.  He frequently calls her names.  He adores her, secretly, but shows it through a conflict-laden dialog that often sounds more like a challenge than a seduction.  But that just “hides his passion” for her (and only her) until he realizes it, proclaims it publicly, and takes her to her Happily Ever After (HEA): marriage.

No, really.  

They don’t make romance novels with married women as main characters, because in the female sexual psyche, that’s when romance stops.  Try to find a single married heroine in the Romance section of your bookstore.  One who ends up with her original husband at the end of the book.  You won't find it.

That should make you think.  You have to ask yourself . . . if the wedding is the ultimate-and-expected-conclusion of the idealized romantic standard for women in these books, then what does that mean for us men in the aftermath?  

Well, as most of you know, it’s not pretty.  Women know instinctively how to get married.  They apparently don’t have a clue how to BE married, usually, because the books they read never told them about that part.  They have no married-romance standard.  They have no ideal of what a "good" marriage should be -- although they sure know a good divorce when they see one.  Indeed, the entire idea of marriage is anathema to the pure feminist ideology.  But American women in general, and feminists in particular, really have little idea about how to be married, happily ever after or not.  They have Redbook, and More magazine, for gals over 40, instead, and the Divorce section of the HuffPo to help encourage them to flee the desolate institution for an imaginary wonderland of interesting billionaires with big dicks and a fetish for middle-aged divorcees.  

While we're looking at porn, they have endless fantasies of masculine control and domination and eventual matrimony that they express through romance novels and soap operas.  Even for "happily married" women, these stories are designed to take them back to when they were single, horny, and looking for Mr. Alpha Dick again, not to the middle-aged married pot-bellied clueless Beta husbands they're struggling to deal with now.  That's telling about the sexual psyche of America's collective womanhood, because right now these books are selling like they're Jenna Jameson's underwear.  Don't believe me?  Go look at the Amazon Kindle stats in the Romance genre.  Some women are buying and reading up to six books a week, now that no one can see the covers of what they're reading. I'm curious how many of them self-identify as "feminist".

Essentially, these books are screaming out that women want to be Gamed, before marriage and after, and no self-respecting feminist would ever admit to that.  That would imply that women had no control of their own sexuality, their desires, their sexual destinies.  And ceding control of their sexuality to a mere man is an unthinkable betrayal of all of their feminist forebears.  So feminists and particularly feminist bloggers have up to now either dismissed these books as “harmless fantasy” by whistling past the graveyard of the truth, or they form a harshly-expressed condemnation of the poorly-written books because of their abusive nature . . . while likely hoping that they don't alienate their own fans (who are buying these books like hotcakes) by calling them out.  Why are they so pissed off?  Because these exercises in literary mediocrity and sexual excess are telling the Truth About Women's Sexuality, and that has to remain a feminist state secret.

And the truth, Gentlemen, is that women’s sexual attraction is responsive, and that it responds the best and the most with those dominant cues associated with storybook heroes: tall, rugged, muscular, broad shoulders, commanding demeanor, decisive personality, keen wit, power, money, celebrity – you know the drill.  They want Mr. Right.  Prince Charming.  A tiger in the bedroom and a pussy in the rest of the house.  Independently wealthy, power, an inexplicably devoted to their Magical Vaginas.  They want the Primal Alpha experience, the Super Alpha cock, but the whole purpose of the romance in feminist terms is the Taming of the Primal Alpha into a female-controlled situation, i.e. “Happily Ever After”, i.e. Marriage.

You can see why their appalled, and are trying to discourage the popularity of these books.

Here’s a list of “anti-feminist” messages and “dangerous myths”  in 50 Shades from a feminist website,  Her Circle Zine by Marina DelVecchio.  It’s not exhaustive, but it gives you a good place to start.

  1. The Virgin Vs. The Deviant
Steele has to be a virgin in this book, because another experienced woman, like her roommate, Kathryn, would never give in to BDSM willingly. And as she’s a blank slate, he can teach her a kind of sex that she had never been aware of, a kind of sex that is deviant and submissive and offensive. But because she doesn’t know any better—hasn’t had any other kind of sex—virtue and intrigue can be discovered in the sex that he offers her. If deviant sex is all a woman knows—all a man knows, since Christian Grey had only been exposed to this kind of sex himself at the age of fifteen—then that is the only kind of sex that will appeal to her until she can discover the other.

Apparently Steele just isn’t slutty enough to be that slutty at the end of the book unless she was an ignorant virgin raised in a cave by the Amish at the beginning.  Because women get very little exposure to sexuality in our culture, apparently.  And “experienced” women apparently don’t like BDSM or dominance and submission.  

That’s going to come as a big surprise to a LOT of folks out there. 

Plus, according to her Mf BDSM is “deviant” sex.  Lesbian sex isn’t “deviant” these days, cheating isn’t “deviant”, divorce isn’t “deviant” to feminists…but put a man in charge and all of a sudden you’re a deviant.  

Deviant from what?  As a sex professional, I deal with all sorts of work that would be considered “deviant” by someone.  It seems Ms. DelVecchio wants to set your sexual standards for you, and then tell you what you can and can’t do in your own bedroom, if you’re a dude.  You must treat women with tenderness and deference and generally kiss their asses to get your cherished access to the Magical Vaginas of your wives.  Show the remotest sign of backbone, and feminist doctrine calls for a nasty reaction.  Try to actually be dominant in your relationship?  You're one step away from being a rapist.

If you’re a woman, Ms. DelVecchio wants you to go out and screw someone -- hunky pool boy, interesting co-worker, a soldier on leave -- just so that you can have a frame of reference before your Magical Vagina is ever-after contracted out to a handsome billionaire.  Or -- more likely -- the schleppy Beta husband you settled for when your Prince Charming didn't appear.   

 2.       A Woman’s Love Can Change Men
“E.L. James also asks us to believe that we, as women, because we are innocent, soft, and inherently maternal and loving, have the power to alter a man’s history, to change him. If we show him real love—that he is worthy of love—he will become virtuous. Christian Grey is not a villain, but he has a dark side that only therapy will change, not a woman. “He objectifies her, don’t get me wrong,” one educated woman said to me about this book, “but he changes, because of Anastasia and the love she has for him.”No one has the power to change anyone, but this trilogy offers us the stereotype that women are virtuous and self-sacrificing by nature, willing to give up their needs and wants in order to appease their men.

Um…a woman does change a man.  Not necessarily her love, mind you, but no man can come out of a relationship with a woman unchanged.  Of course, what women (particularly feminists) mistake for “love” is the idea that they are actually entitled to change a man in the first place – not just change a man, but change all men into something more like . . . well, women. 

Note how Ms. DelVecchio approaches the frame: there is something wrong with the hero of the story because he doesn’t do things the way she thinks he should.  He is damaged and flawed, and while the Manosphere understands why the heroine is attracted to the Uber-Alpha stud, Christian Grey, she’s blaming the heroine's deeds and decisions all on “love”.  

DelVecchio’s essentially taking issue with the Great Rationalization Hamster, the cultural hamster that all American women listen to instead of feminist theoreticians when they want to get righteously laid without guilt or self-loathing or concern for the Patriarchy.  True Love is for vapid idiots, seems to be the feminist rhetoric.  

A life as a corporate spinster, on the other hand, is rich, fulfilling and full.

American women are not listening, however.  That's because feminism is attacking the holy concept of True Love, and woman's allegiance to True Love trumps feminism's relatively tenuous grasp on their hearts in a big way.  True Love is the one thing that gives single women hope of personal happiness,  instead of a future of corporate drudgery, loneliness, and pathetic one-night-stands. True Love leads to a solid relationship, a devoted husband, and children in most women's minds.  Feminist want to tackle that Hamsterbatory idea and replace it with Men Are Pigs.  And the idea that "the love of a good woman" can't change a man is blasphemy to the rank-and-file womanhood.

The Red Pill fact is that we do have the power to change other people – in fact, we cannot help but change other people as we influence and interact with them.  But beyond that, I have to agree with DelVecchio that women are not virtious and self-sacrificing by nature.  That’s the Hamster talking.  In this age of entitled feminism, the woman who is willing to give up ANYTHING for a man is a rare and precious thing.  Whereas the expectation that a man has to give up ANYTHING his woman asks him to is foremost in her mind.  To DelVecchio and her feminist sisters, it is only proper that Grey give up his self-crafted identity for the questionable benefit of Steele’s Magic Vagina, and not the other way around.  He's a man.  He's not entitled to control his destiny without the firm, guiding hand of a woman keeping his "baser nature" in check.

But this one is most telling:

3.       The Female Submissive

 BothTwilight‘s Bella and Fifty Shades of Grey‘s Anastasia are virgins. Both of them find themselves overcome by the experienced and brooding heroes with dark histories. This idea that the good girl is intoxicated by the bad boy is a motif in movies and literature, but why is it so intoxicating? Why cannot our heroines be strong, experienced, and not so easily overcome by bad boys and by the darkness they embody?”
  Feminist theory teaches that women’s bodies and place in society have been defined by men, since we all live in patriarchal societies ruled by them.  Even though two women have written these books, they are reinforcing the erotic representation of women as men would portray them. Men love the sweetness and innocence of women, but they also want to see that innocence turn to a dark and erotic form. Both Bella and Anastasia do turn. In Twilight, we see Bella’s sexual desire for her vampire hero, Edward. She tries to have sex with him for a few books, but he denies her because he may hurt her in his passion. With Anastasia, we see another virgin chained to a rack, being introduced to an anal plug and one orgasm after another. But she loves it. They’re both innocent “submissives” with sweet and quiet strength; and they are both turned, by the men they love, into dark mistresses intoxicated by sex.”
Now we’re getting somewhere! 

Ms. DelVecchio recognizes the allure of the Super Alpha for women, but thinks it’s a minor cultural thing, not a deeply-embedded biological draw.   The fact is, even hardcore feminists can fall for the “bad boy”, if their hamsters let them, no matter how strong and experienced and informed they are.  And while Ms. DelVecchio expresses confusion at why this happens, I think anyone with any familiarity with Game will recognize why. 

And that’s what is scaring feminists about this book.

Dominance.  Women like (are sexually aroused by) dominant men.  Feminist hate that. 
Dominant men means a lack of control for women, and feminists can't have that.   Even though they’re just as susceptible to the dominance cues those men produce, if feminists don't control men, who will?

(If you can, watch a confirmed feministwho isn’t a lesbian in a small mixed-gender group situation some time.  Observe their interactions with the AMOG.  They’ll fight against a dominant man on general principal, even as they find themselves subconsciously responding to the dominance cues.  And the more the man refuses to “be reasonable” and submit to her, the more turned on she gets.  Heavy breathing, dialated pupils, even kino IOIs and hair-tossing.  It’s pretty funny to observe.)

But this demonstrates the difference between what women want – that is, what they want from men in terms of social and interpersonal relationships – and what women “want”, the things that arouse them sexually.  The Blue Pill is essentially mistaking the former for the latter.  The Red Pill is essentially saying the former is predicated on the success of the latter.  

Feminists want to deny the power of Game (the use of dominance cues to arouse sexual attraction for use in seduction) because they want to deny that sexuality has anything to do with how things are supposed to work in our society.  

Game has to be bad, because it removes the control and the initiative from the woman.  Possessing a poorly-understood sexual desire that responds to the very behavior feminism sees as a threat is a serious Achilles heel, and they know it.  Women are free to make their own decisions about their sexuality, they say, and Game is an unfair and worthless attempt at re-establishing male control of women.   (Of course if Game didn’t work, they wouldn’t be getting their panties bunched about it, would they?  If this book didn't reveal any major truths about female sexuality, they wouldn't have even mentioned it, would they?) Their objection to the book is  basic and pretty revealing:  If the man controls the sexual relationship, then he’s going to want to control the rest, isn’t he?

They’re right.  Because as I mentioned in an earlier post, you can’t be “just” dominant in the bedroom.  You either carry it with you all day or you leave it at home, but you can’t be Beta all day and then flip a switch and suddenly be the Alpha she wants once the bedroom door is closed.  As I've said, you have to present Alpha in everything you do throughout the day, or it won’t hold up.  

And if you’re dominant, then that means your wife must, by default, be submissive, and they can’t have that because it denies female empowerment.  At the very least, under feminism, the two partners in a relationship are nominally co-equal (with the female holding de facto power over her male “partner” by virtue of her Magic Vagina and threats of divorce).  Only you can’t have a “co-equal” dominance in a relationship.  That’s a poor rationalization at best.  

One of you must lead, and one must follow, or you don’t get anywhere.  It's Solomon's Dilemma:  She cannot respond to your mighty Alpha mojo if she gets a vote about where and when you deploy it.  Either you are in control . . . or you aren’t.  And if you are, then they aren’t,  that doesn’t work for them or their ideology.  So feminists have a choice.  They can either admit that they “like” dominant men (or at least most women “like” dominant, masculine men) and deal with us honestly about sex, society, equality, and everything (highly unlikely) or they can get pissed off with their non-feminist sisters and blame them for the fact that women think with their crotch a lot more than they want to believe.  I wonder which way they will go?

Feminism is at an impasse with femininity.  I think it’s kinda cute.

That’s where 50 Shades and the feminist outcry that followed stems from.  Women clearly seek sexual fantasies where they are the submissives in the relationship.  They overwhelmingly identify with characters who are dominated by their men.  Go pull any bodice-ripper romance off of the shelf you like, and you’ll find the same type of Uber-Alpha dude with the broad shoulders, tall build, and chiseled jaw manhandling the same defiant, resourceful damsel over and over again.  And in the end, always, wedding bells. No matter how strong, smart, and resourceful the heroine is, it's inevitably her beauty and sexuality that get her out of trouble and into a wedding dress.  She "tames" her bad boy, be he pirate, vampire, or billionaire playboy.

Weak-willed feminists and non-feminist women say it’s just harmless fantasy – and to them, it is.  It’s a way they can stretch their sexual imaginations, they argue.  Sex isn’t all about orgasm and sweatiness, they explain, there’s romance . . . and THAT’S what women want. 

Which is Hamsterspeak for “yes I want to be dominated, but I don’t want you to dominate me”.  Sex just isn’t that compelling for most women.  They don’t have the kinds of spontaneous desire men do.  They often can exercise their need for entertainment and titillation, maybe jill-off but probably not, and count it as a sexual, sensual experience, the end.  What it reveals about them isn’t important because it’s private, which means they don't have to talk about it and reveal their the men who are supposed to be in charge of pleasuring them sexually.

But for dudes sex is a different thing altogether.  It’s one of our prime motivating factors.  When you boil down competition, money, success, acclaim, respect – it’s all part of our innate masculine mating strategy to get laid as often as possible.  We will do whatever it takes to get the poon.  It’s easily the most reliable thing about men.  For men, sex is one of the top three things on our minds at any given moment.  Women score the success of a relationship based on how secure she is before sex even enters into it.  Men score the success of a relationship based on how much and what kind of sex they get.  Period. 

A woman often will use this knowledge to their advantage – using sex to influence men or get something is as old as Magic Vaginas (see how Enkidu got tricked, trapped, and “tamed” in the Epic of Gilgamesh, over 5000 years old).  Even die-hard feminists don’t hesitate to use this power in their personal relationships.  They see it as a legitimate tactic in their struggle against the Patriarchy, and a reasonable one against their poor, misguided, hapless husbands.  How much would you like to wager that the majority of feminist marriages who end up in counseling are their because of sexual starvation of the poor Beta/Gamma/Delta husband?  Keeping the initiative – the “edge” – in a sexual relationship gives a feminist power over that man. 

What Game does is change that around.  

Suddenly, you understand the things that trigger an subconscious sexual response in a woman: constantly teasing her throughout  the day, distracting her with innuendo and flirtation, elude her attempts to shit-test you, and generally be the cocky asshole that makes her pussy wet.  Once you learn Game and have hand, the sexual initiative is yours.  If she tries to “use” sex to influence you, she knows she’s going to have to commit to an awful lot in order to get the edge back.  

Just flashing her boobs won’t mesmerize a Red Pill man the way they will a Blue Pill man.  Instead of stunned adoration, he claps his hands together and says “Is it that time again already?”

Women don’t think about sex spontaneously nearly as often as men.  They think about it responsively.  If you are constantly throwing her sexual cues, she has little choice but to respond, and her hamster will dream up a good reason why she should.  Feminists hate that.  They don’t want you to know about it at all.  And books like 50 Shades of Grey and Twilight and the Sookie Stackhouse novels all scream it at you: women are sexually attracted to dominant-presenting men! therefore, in feminism, they're all bad.  At least, when anyone is watching.  

If American wives start to be sexually and otherwise satisfied with their lives and their husbands, they might stop trying to hate men.  Feminism's success is predicated on American women being uniformly dissatisfied with their sex lives.  No husband is going to be as good as a handsome stranger.  No sated wife is going to be tempting the Divorce Gods with a girls-night-out gone awry.  If Beta husbands and Gamma LT boyfriends start leading and acting all Alpha, in the bedroom and out, then feminism might lose some of its most passionate adherents, divorced women.

Please note that nowhere in the above post did I condone abuse in any way.  Abuse is wrong, every time, all the time.  But what a feminist says constitutes “abuse” often includes things like a lack of attentiveness in her future ex-husband, a lack of motivation and drive (success), and a lack of respect for women, not just physical and sexual abuse.

(Oh, and let’s not forget the double standard of emotional abuse.  If a husband is emotionally abusive (that means he does something his wife doesn’t like and makes her feel bad) then he’s a criminal under feminism.  If a woman is emotionally abusive, she’s “empowered”.)

Even as they are buying it and reading 50 Shades and ending up with damp panties and sticky fingers, the feminists  protest: they don’t want you Gentlemen to really know what makes panties damp, because they know they are virtually powerless to stop it. Knowledge of Game is no defense against Game.  If a dude comes on full-Alpha, and he knows Game, then unless you're a confirmed lesbian, he's got a chance to get into your panties.  At the moment, that chance is restricted to exciting and dangerous Bad Boy Alphas.  Not even feminists are immune to their magnetic charm (and innate Game).

I watched this happen recently:  A feminist friend (and yes, I have dozens)and career professional recently got a new boyfriend – a “bad boy” six years her junior who rode a motorcycle.  He was a young Bull Alpha working his way through his harem, picking up some MILF on the side, but she thought it was True Love (partially because he refused to say “I Love You” and she admitted she didn’t feel right dumping him until he did,  Apparently boy has Game.) 

When her shocked friends asked her about it, she didn't give a line of feminist theory.  She looked like a miserably horny 14 year old with her first crush as she said, sheepishly, “I can’t help it!  He just . . . does something to me that I need!”  No talk of Patriarchy, no discussion of his responsibility to the united sisterhood, no plans to have him spayed and neutered, she was getting humped rotten by an Alpha Bad Boy who represented everything she was fighting against and she was loving it.  The part she loved most was the “forbidden” nature of her bad boy.  He was too young, too butch, too mean, too hot, too . . . manly for her friends, and she avoided them and the judgement of the Matrix for a few weeks of horny infatuation and properly enthusiastic sex.   Her hamster insisted she was just exercising her right to sexuality, even as she ducked meetings to see him and let him do nasty things to her that no feminist should ever let a man do.She was clearly powerless against the Alpha Cock, and that upset her friends.

She didn’t get upset until her boy-toy dumped her, hard, because he interpreted her invitation to move in together as being “overly clingy”.  Plus it was clear that he wasn’t thrilled with the sexual relationship, and resented my friend’s attempt to “teach” him the “right” way to make love to a woman (the only public fight they had in my presence – she started talking to her friends about aspects of their relationship that he wasn’t comfortable with.  He made several attempts to subtly dissuade her, but she ignored him.  He finally stood up, said “when you’re done telling your girlfriends what a lousy fuck I am, you’ll find me at the bar talking to that babe.”  Hamster Nuked.  This dude has a future.)

My friend was an utterly devastated by his dumping.  Partially because she had never been dumped before, but mostly because he just ended it, without dramatics, tears, or apparent regrets.  (At least he did it in person, and not on Facebook.)  He was done with her.   

Of course she mentioned being “in love” several times, as she told everyone – and I mean EVERYone – in her life about her sad tale of woe – but she couldn’t stop talking about the sex or the animal passion he’d shown her, either.  She wanted to pursue couple’s counseling, a communication workshop, and was even willing to negotiate some concessions if she could just keep getting the Alpha Cock. him in her life. Only Bad Boy apparently doesn’t negotiate.  He rudely told her that if he wanted a wife, he wouldn't have fucked her in the first place.  Two weeks later she was still in tears over it, he was dating a much younger and prettier chick. 
He had, in other words, thoroughly Gamed her.  And she ate it up.  Until he stopped, and then she was distraught.  But she didn't mention Patriarchy, Male Oppression, or any other feminist lingo in relation to her own relationship, because, apparently, feminist criticism is fine for other women’s relationships, but True Love is the only thing that matters in their own.

So that’s the first part of my 50 Shades of Grey commentary and why this really bad book is really good for men: Feminists don’t like the book because it betrays the secrets of female sexual arousal, which deprives feminists of sexual control in their personal relationships and feminism of a cogent argument against male dominance within a marriage.  It also dashes a few feminist myths and challenges expectations.  And even though it was written by a woman for women, it’s anti-woman because it shows a woman who is not in absolute control of her life enjoying sex with a man who is.

(That noise you hear is the squeaking of a million feminist hamsters getting ready to spin their wheels over this.  Oh, and our vibrator sales are up 30% over last year.  I’m sure it’s just a coincidence…)


  1. Nice illustrations and an interesting blog - thank you for putting this together.

    Game comes from a secure family background, personal successes and satisfaction. No?!

    1. No. Game is a learnable skill, like pottery, reading, and driving.

      A secure family background might give you some advantage, as does personal success, but those who learn Game usually have a troubled history with relationships. I'm an exception, but then I'm an exception about a lot of things.

    2. Is there something called, 'had Game once and now lost it?'.

    3. Yeah. "Betazation" is a popular term for it. Curable, thank God.

    4. What's your recommendation?

    5. Start with my last post. Then buy a copy of Married Man Sex Life Primer by Athol Kay. Start paying far more attention to what women do than what they say. Work out like your life depends on it. Start telling, stop asking. No one is going to give you permission to lead. Start thinking of yourself as a valuable asset, not an appendage to a woman. Start valuing your own desires and respecting your own sexuality. Buy a black fedora and rock it hard. Be "the most interesting man in the world". Walk around like you have a broadsword on your hip. Talk to strange women and don't be afraid of a little light flirting. Stand up straight. Make the bed, every morning -- it's where you have sex, and you should respect your stage. Don't be confident -- be overconfident. Call your mother every Sunday. Be able to change a tire on demand. Solemnly thank veterans for their service. Test drive a sports car. Sing loudly in the shower without caring who hears. Pay more attention to what you wear. Be unafraid to look at and appreciate a good-looking woman, and be able to do it without being labeled "creepy". Complain about the cooking when it's bad. Praise the fellatio when it's good. Be able to drop a compliment at an instant's notice. Have a picnic date pre-prepared in the trunk of your car at all times. Learn how to speak Italian, at least the dirty words. Do something no one else knows about, and take satisfaction from that. Get your shoes shined by a guy who does it for a living at least once in a while. Overtip when the service is outstanding. Pay an older woman a compliment and then flirt with her outrageously. Go play pool in a really sketchy dive. Take guitar lessons. Be a good loser. Figure out your favorite manly drink and instantly ask for it at the bar. Pick something off the menu in the first three minutes and don't worry about whether or not you should have gotten the fish. Tell her she has beautiful eyes. Figure out if you're a beer man or a liquor man and don't pick up a Zima even if there's a gun to your head. Know how to identify poison oak, ivy, and sumac. Sit on your front porch and watch the sun set, just because you want to. Read a classic in public without shame or fear. Stay in the game even if you've got a shitty hand, and play it like it's pocket aces. When you switch from cunnilingus to intercourse, do her hard for ten minutes and then go back to cunnilingus until you're damn well good and ready to continue with screwing. Make up private nicknames for her boobs. When someone says "that's sexist!" shrug and say "I'm OK with that." Practice your free throw. Call your dad and ask him what he would do, even if you already know the answer. Imagine a better way to state the problem, then make the asshole on the team see reason even if you have to beat him to death in the men's room. Be able to sing one song in public and do it well. When you shake hands, be the guy with the stronger grip. When a woman tells you she's a feminist, grin broadly and say "Really? Seriously?" and then shake your head and walk away laughing. Create some art, just because you can. Go to a minor league baseball game and shout at the pitcher. Tell her she's pretty and try to mean it. Learn how to ballroom dance. Build a shed. Stay up all night watching TED talks, and let your head spin. Suggest anal, even if you know she's going to decline. Know who your great-grandparents were, where they came from, and what they did with their lives.

      That's enough to get you started. Welcome back.

    6. Thank you.

      What does one do with one's abandonment, rejection and entitlement issues? Who has seen one's Dad struggle in business all his life? Who has been labelled the poor cousin? What does one do? -- He picks himself up, dusts himself off, escapes to America and starts all over again.
      Where does that leave one with any Game? How does one get over that past?

    7. You cowboy up and you get over it.

      It is never, ever too late to re-invent yourself -- in fact, you do so all the time. If you have issues from the past, you make a conscious choice as to whether or not you are going to let them drag you back into the past or not. Your past informs your present, it doesn't define your future.

      Only you can decide not to cart back-breaking emotional baggage up this mountain. You certainly can't do anything to change it, but that doesn't mean you let it rule your life. That's the whole idea behind the Men Going Their Own Way (MGOW) movement: you and only you decide what your fate is going to be -- marriage, family, business, sex, money, power, solitude, success, whatever -- and then you go there. Free of your own limitations. No one is saying it's easy. In fact, if you do it right, it may be the hardest thing you do in your life.

      But Game is a helpful tool to get you there, as you will be interacting with women in some form or capacity in most directions you go from here. Self pity and regret? Far less helpful.

    8. I did.

      To take care of my abandonment issues, I married someone who is all for me. For rejection, a sort of a celebrity and for entitlement issues, a trust-fund baby - all one.

      The wife's love, security, and companionship helped me understand these issues. Had it not been for her, I'd still be struggling 'cowboying' up.

      I respect her, she keeps me happy, keeps the house spic- and-span, tends to our kid more than her life, but, the sex is missing.

      Call me a dog, but now that the basics have been taken care of, I'm wandering.

      Now what?

  2. Nail on the head stuff sir!!

  3. "Back in the soldier's arms" by Soraya Lane

    Sorry, you did say there weren't any. It's pretty rare, admittedly.

    1. I'm curious to see how the story ends...probably with a big promotion, discharge, medals, a good job and marriage. HEA.

      I'd love to see a "Red Pill Romance": one in which the hero is a Gamma schlep who learns Game. Or I'd like to see 50 Shades from the dude's POV. I'm sure it would be a radical departure from the norm.

    2. I'd love to read something like this, too.

      Do you think that it's the sort of book that could only be written by a man? Who would the main audience be, men or women?

  4. There are romance novels where the hero and heroine are already married. Here's a list of some of them:

    On the other hand, here's someone who complains about them and finds them boring. One of the reasons brought, it takes away the myth of the happily ever after:

  5. Pure. Solid. Gold.

    Forwarded to every single female '50 Shades' reader (and the guys who are baffled by its popularity) that I know.

    Woo nelly, I am gonna get some _backlash_ for this...

    Thanks again, Ian. :)

  6. Great post. I love it. I haven't read the book, probably won't read the book. Getting laid like tile at home. LOL!!

  7. I think you also need to control for the "band wagoning" effect, aka "the oprah effect" aka the "Soooo, what are we having," effect. If the FSM says "X is popular!" X will be done for no other reason than it's a consensus move. I'm sure that there is a significant amount of that as well.

    You'd have to cross correlate with the vibrator sales.

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  9. 1. Roissy's 3rd Commandment: III. You shall make your mission, not your woman, your priority

    > So what's Roissy's mission? Last I heard he worked at a tax-payer funded, government job in a cubicle pushing papers. That is, until Lady Raine and Denis Ramano got him fired, after which he went on unemployment.

    2. "Mommies and middle-aged spinsters everywhere are getting a serious case of the hornies over this book."

    The woman who wrote it is middle age. From what I hear from young women, the book is horribly boring and there is no BDSM in it.

    3. About your female friend and her boyfriend who was so bad in bed she had to teach him (AND he was unwilling to learn) and discuss the problem with her girlfriends, that's not love. And she's lucky he dumped her. In the beginning of a relationship when the brain chemicals are firing one feels "in love" and is capable of tolerating anything, even bad or orgasm-less sex. However after those chemicals where off - then what? You're stuck with a lousy lover who is both unable to grow because he's unwilling to.

    It will only take a few months to get over it and then she'll be free to find a quality lover (or a man eager to become one with a little coaching) whom she can really bond with.

    If not nipped in the bud, bad sex will ruin a LTR once those initial "new romance" endorphins subside.

  10. I've tried to make this point about a zillion times at yahoo gender studies, perhaps I should've written a huuuuuuuge wall of text and maybe some would get it there.
    But seriously, I thought something good would come at the end. I just kept reading it, like a fool.

    It's like an essay saying "I wipe after I poo, and so should you"

    I highly suspect my husband forbids me random things just because he knows this stuff.


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