Monday, March 19, 2012

Alpha Move: Be Arm Candy

I was attending a work-related function (costume fetish party at a local bar, where my brother Sylvester Ironwood just happens to be the bartender) this weekend which allowed me to do some good field work in terms of observation.  I actually ran into a local Red Pill dude and his lovely wife, who for the sake of their privacy shall remain nameless.  Watching their interactions was intriguing, especially against the backdrop of both singles trying to hook up, couples out strutting their stuff, and the odd leather-clad slave being led by on a leash. 

This led me to consider the role of a man when he is out with his wife, in a number of social settings, and how best to present yourself.  At the party, for instance, my friend did an excellent job of establishing a “protective presence” around his wife, essentially claiming her subtextually.  That’s a particularly wise idea, in a crowded bar full of self-professed sexual adventurers.  And she was looking hot enough to attract attention, too, even in a crowd of scantily-clad beauties (and some non-beauties who also were scantily clad . . .).  But he controlled the space around her and made certain to face every other male in the area in such a way that there was no doubt in anyone’s mind who she was with.  Since he’s a pretty big dude anyway, that wasn’t much of a problem. 

But it raised the question in my mind how a Red Pill man should best present himself with his woman in a variety of social situations.  At a fetish party, striking a bold Alpha presentation seems like common sense.  But what about other social instances where you are both out together as a couple?  At an after-work meet-and-greet?  An industry conference?  A cocktail party where you don’t know most of the people?  Modern life peppers our calendars with such affairs, especially when our wives have their own careers.  Indeed, in female-dominated industries like personnel, sales, and customer service these social affairs are quite important.

So how best to present yourself when your wife needs arm candy for the evening?  Conventional wisdom says that you show up in a suit, keep your mouth shut, look pretty and try not to embarrass your wife.  That usually means that you’re stuck in a corner or by the bar or buffet table, looking bored and constantly checking your phone to pass the time.  But conventional wisdom is a Blue Pill remedy.  This is the Red Pill take on being on your wife’s arm.

Remember for a moment that when you and your spouse are out at an event, you are being observed and judged.  Regardless of whether it is a work-related event or a purely social event, you and your wife will be under intense scrutiny even if you don’t realize it.  Why?  Because it is within the Body Agenda of women to establish themselves in the context of their social network, and a large part of that is observation of the competition. 

The goal of a successful Red Pill social event is to increase
each others' status by demonstrating high value as each others' mate. 

Women constantly seek to establish just where they fit in not just with their local social group of friends, but amongst the wider culture of femininity in the world.  They do it by reading celebrity magazines and gossip blogs, so that they can observe and pass judgment on the most famous and glamorous women in the land.  By constantly checking themselves against these women they gain validation and inspiration and can fix their social position with a greater degree of accuracy.  And of course a lot of this contextualization is based on Sex Ranking.  Indeed, it would be difficult to see any human social network evolve without Sex Rank becoming a factor, even in a monastery.

Women establish their rank in the female social
hierarchy based on the status of women around them.

While men and women both establish a social position within a group, they do it in different ways and by different means.  Men establish their position with hesitant communication focused on a few pre-agreed upon topics, during which they can present their masculinity for evaluation through subtle bragging, charisma, and subtextual cues like body language and posture.  Men are usually sized up by other men on the basis of their presentation alone, after which they tend to relax into an almost egalitarian relationship, regardless of individual status. 

I would say a lot of this has to do with a man’s willingness (outside of a couple of high-functioning douche-bags – you know who you are) to extend a certain baseline of respect to another man after the basic masculine social niceties are observed.  High charisma males tend to be a focus of a male social group, but they maintain social dominance only by extending respect to other men in the group who might not be their social equal, but who in turn support his dominance by exhibiting respectful submission cues. 

A high-status Alpha, for instance, will have a difficult time enjoying the social dominance that he walks in with due to his money if he refuses to advance his respect to the secondary males in the group.  Robin Hood needed his Merry men, Arthur needed his Knights of the Round Table, every Mafia don needs his crew.  But those social organizations which capitalize on masculine strength require that respect for the charismatic Alpha flow upwards in response to his recognition of worthiness in lower-status males.  A general might be respected by every man in his command, but not until he proves himself a capable leader by recognizing and respecting the talents of his subordinates.  Respect begats respect which begats strength.

Men establish social hierarchy largely through determination
of personal abilities, strengths, achievements, or the size of their corn. 

Women, by contrast, have a far different method of establishing unofficial social hierarchies, and regardless of the actual social situation they face, their evaluation does not end once social dominance has been established.  Women will evaluate women first on their appearance: their hair, make-up, shoes (oh goddess, the shoes) handbag, etc.  While to the male eye and ear this seems like a harmless interest in fashion, it is actually part of the feminine quest for self-definition.  By finding fault in the appropriateness or the style of a woman’s presentation (“At least I didn’t show up wearing that – really, minikirts at her age?”), a woman not only feels more self-assured and confident, she also has fuel for the other aspect of feminine social interaction (beyond observation): gossip.

"She wore white?  Really?  Or does anal not count?"

After physical appearance has been evaluated, weighted far more heavily than a man ever would, where a man would next look for signs of either affluence or career mastery to determine another man’s social position, women relegate that to a far lower priority.  For women evaluating other women, after her shoes and hair the next MOST IMPORTANT factor in her evaluation is the other woman’s personal marital status.  That is, does she have a husband?  A fiancĂ©?  A boyfriend?  A cat?  The absence or presence of a wedding ring creates a manifold of assumptions about the other woman.  Despite four decades of feminist emphasis on corporate achievement, when it comes to how women rate other women – even in the workplace – their husbands/boyfriends are the biggest single factor after their appearance in establishing dominance.

How so?  Because even if a woman is a highly-successful executive, in the ancient hierarchy of feminine society if she is unmarried then she usually takes a powerful hit to her social rank.  She might be respected among her corporate sisters for her confidence, her drive, her ambition . . . but she will ultimately be pitied for her inability to attract a quality mate far in excess of the status she gains with her business acumen.  Women don’t respect other women who cannot manage a relationship, even a bad one.

That is one reason why the wedding is such a big deal to women.  It is not only a big princess party where she’s the center of attention, it is also an automatic increase to her social rank among her feminine peers, regardless of how much of a loser she married.  It’s better in female social circles to be divorced than to never have been married.  The pressure she feels from her mother, her sisters, and every female relative she has simply cannot be imagined by most men. 

If a woman can’t successfully make it down the aisle and convince at least one man that she’s worth the cost of a ring on her finger, then no matter what else she does in her life, she will always have a strike against her in the minds of even her closest female friends.

Ladies, think I’m wrong?  Then try this little experiment.  The next time you are going to some social event with a lot of strangers, begin the evening by taking your wedding ring off and put it in your pocket.  Be aware of how your status within the group is established – if you can, actually try to place yourself amongst the women in perceived social hierarchy.  Then, half way through the evening, slip the ring back on and watch the subtle but important change in how other women treat you.  While this could be due to the sub-conscious perception of you, as a single female, to be a threat to another woman’s domestic situation, even among single women a wedding ring grants you higher status.

Of course, after appearance and marital status is established, you’d think that ability and performance would be the next most important factor in a woman’s evaluation of another woman – but you’d be wrong.  After assessing marital status, the next phase of the stock female evaluation tends to be inspection of the type of mate the other woman has, if possible, and any children that result from the union.  Motherhood can be a plus or a minus, depending on the situation, but it is almost always shown respect.  And children can be as much a negative as a positive, depending upon the marital status and desire for children in the evaluator. 

But quality of mate . . . that’s always a plus.

When a man introduces his wife to other men, usually her appearance is evaluated and added to his existing status to determine whether or not that’s a good thing or a bad thing (marriage does not have the same positive connotations in masculine society for some reason).  Your wife’s appearance matters quite a bit for this, and you get a few bonus points if she behaves respectfully, too.  But her career and income don’t usually factor into the equation because, honestly, we dudes really could care less what she makes or where she works . . . unless she’s a billionaire or an underwear model, there is no special masculine status bump for having a wife who makes a lot of money.  Indeed, that can actually detract from your social ranking.

A very hot wife certainly adds to intermasculine social ranking . . . if you present a protective presence around her strong enough to discourage any interlopers.  A dude with a hot wife gets social points, but only if he can defend her adequately.  Once he establishes his territory, usually the rest of the males move on, paying him respect for his mate and willingness to protect his claim.  A very few might try to challenge by stealing him away, but there are dangers implicit in mate-poaching among males.  You just don’t rub another man’s rhubarb.  And if you do, and he has developed a loyalty among his friends (see above), then the possibility of losing all social standing in the group is risked.  Not to mention getting the shit kicked out of you.

Women, on the other hand, also factor another woman’s mate selection into the equation but they do it far more deliberately and with calculation.  A woman married to a low-status spouse gets pity and sympathy, disguising deeper and less noble emotions, from her female peers.  A low-status spouse might be better than no husband at all, but only short-term.  And in this equation, unlike when a woman is evaluating a potential mate for herself, when a woman evaluates another woman’s husband she factors in both Alpha traits and Beta traits, literally imagining how he would perform for her as husband and father.  And if a woman admires another woman’s husband after evaluating him, then the wife actually gains status in the feminine social hierarchy based on her husband’s suitability as her mate. 

A woman with a hot husband gets so many points.  If he’s hot and funny, the number goes up.  If he’s hot, funny, and charming, it goes up further.  If he’s hot, funny, charming, and independently wealthy . . . well, you get the idea.  It's a kind of reverse Preselection, where your ability to attract the attention and admiration of the women in her social group increases her value to them, even while your subjective SR towards your wife is getting buffed by their preselection attention.  Win, win.  

When I go to one of Mrs. Ironwood's work functions, my unstated intention is to ensure every woman in the room thinks about me the next time she has an orgasm, and then reflect in the afterglow what a lucky bitch Mrs. Ironwood is for have such a studly, caring and faithful hubby.  That's the goal, anyway.  I encourage that thought by automatically taking a subtextually dominant stance both in my posture and in my speech.  I do my best to impress upon them what a cultured, mannered, and sophisticated husband she has, and without saying a word to that effect imply that in addition to being brilliant at her career and blessed with three happy, healthy, intellectually precocious children, she also has a caring, sensitive, and strong husband who manages the house and takes her to Pound Town with enviable regularity. 

Why is this important to Red Pill dudes?  Because when you are at a function with your wife, especially one related to her work or career, despite the conventional wisdom on the subject you actually do more harm to your wife by hanging back and being passive than you would if you took and kept a dominant presentation during the affair.  

Why is this?  Women respond to dominant cues, regardless of where they came from . . . or to whom they are directed.  If you are rolling a dominant presentation around your wife, far from the other women being upset that a strong, capable career woman is being dominated by a mean ol’ man, the other women will instead respond to your cues as much or more as your wife will in a subconscious effort to advance themselves as potential replacement mates.  By taking a dominant presentation, you are being “a good man” in front of them which makes them try to demonstrate their own worthiness.  And in responding to your physical subtextual dominance displays, even when they aren’t directed at them, women tend to socially submit to a woman associated with a dominant male. 

That’s the happy side-effect of this reaction: the increase in social status your wife will get from other women by being seen in a submissive position to you.  Your wife might be the head of her entire division and be used to bossing around thousands of subordinates . . . but that doesn’t mean that you are excused from your duties.  By maintaining a dominant presentation around her you can help to secure her position as the Alpha Female (or at least improve her position in the organization) and gain the dominance and loyalty of her female subordinates. 
"Did you see Linda's husband last night?
The bitch made Head of Staff AND she's
getting 'head of staff', if you know what
I mean . . ."

Why?  Because subtextually submitting to her husband does not make a woman, even a professional executive, look weak – it reinforces the idea that she has consummate mate-selection skills to the rest of the social group.  A woman who can fight her way into upper management but who cannot find a worthy mate loses status.  A woman who can fight her way into upper management AND find a husband who demonstrates high value in front of her subordinates offers social proof of her personal dominance, even as she allows her husband to take a dominant presentation. 

It seems like a maddening Catch-22 for most women, and a horrifying thought to most feminists, but it seems to be the Red Pill truth: by demonstrating her submission to her husband, an Alpha female locks in her status by proving that as a capstone of her personal power she was able to secure a very high-quality male, one of such a high quality that even she feels compelled to submit to him.  That’s a powerful statement of feminine aggression that most feminists don't want to acknowledge.

Don’t believe me?  Consider a couple that you know (and I’m sure all of you know a couple like this) with a strong woman involved in the marriage/relationship.  Now think about the couple you know where the man married to the strong woman had a very strong Alpha presentation, and contrast it with a couple you know where the man has a weak Beta presentation.  Do you find that you have more respect for the woman who dominates her weak husband, or the one who submits subtextually to her strong husband?  Even in cases where you might admire the strength and intelligence of the woman, most likely you’ll also find yourself deducting points of your esteem based on the idiot loser she married. 

But the strong woman who has found a strong man, strong enough to dominate even her?  That’s a bitch to watch out for, as Mrs. Ironwood would say. 

We don’t respect the otherwise-capable woman who can’t handle her relationship.  Oh, she’ll get plenty of sympathy if she seriously considers divorce, but except in extreme cases you can count on a lot of that “support” to be typical feminine sabotage of competition.  If we see a high-powered female executive get into an argument with her Beta milquetoast hubby that leaves him fleeing the room, we don’t feel confident in her abilities as a leader and manager.  We see a woman who doesn't have her personal shit together. 

So for any Red Pill dudes whose wives have a career upon which your personal ship depends, remember – always! – the vital importance of standing by your woman the right way.  Don’t be afraid of taking a dominant stance, firm handshake, eye contact, even a little light flirtation when you’re at her side. Never say a disparaging word about her, never embarrass her, and never intimate that your relationship is anything other than cast out of bronze and impregnable.  

Don't crowd her when she is discussing business, but maintain an alert, calm, and interested demeanor at all times.  Be charming to the ladies and friendly but strong to the gentlemen.  Never fail to compliment your wife or comment about how proud you are of her and her career accomplishments.  But never forget that while she likely sees these people on a daily basis and she has already established a position in the social hierarchy, that  as her mate you are not bound by that position.  She might be a junior flunky at the firm, but by showing up at her side and presenting a powerful but not stifling Alpha presence can elevate her social position dramatically.  Of course, screwing up can screw up her career, too, so be careful.

You can maintain a posture that is possessive and dominant without being cumbersome by simply placing one hand on the small of your wife’s back, her shoulder, or best, her neck.  Standing off to her left side makes you seem more intimidating, which is useful in work situations, while standing to her right you serve as a backstop in social positions where your presence as a couple is more important than either one of you individually.  Using a lower tone of voice to both men and women emphasizes your dominance.  Speaking in short, controlled sentences instead of long and rambling ones helps you affect a presentation of calm and sincere power.  

Standing as straight and tall as possible is always a good idea, as is dressing up for the occasion. And squaring up your shoulders parallel to the person you wish to impress with your personal studliness certainly helps -- but never get more than arm's reach away from your wife.  Small PDAs might be appropriate -- hand-holding, reassuring hugs, a sincere peck on the lips can all lend credence to the idea that behind her cool workplace facade she has a volcanic tower of romantic passion awaiting her at home every night.

When you’re playing the Trophy Husband your goal is to impress everyone your wife works for or with with what an outstanding catch you are.  That means never saying anything that might embarrass her, anything that might come back to haunt her later, or anything that sounds even the slightest bit douchey.  Males should be greeted with a handshake and an elbow-grab in one motion, after you have made a point of stepping around your woman (if you are standing behind her on her left, your right hand will have to come out to shake) which makes you seem larger and more imposing.  Always identify yourself and your relation to your wife, and then answer any follow-up questions.  Then fade back behind her, maintaining a quietly possessive manner, until you are needed again.
Lingering over her left shoulder
gives you a more possessive, dominant

Periodically you should take breaks, say to get her food and drink (a DHV to all the other women in the room) and mingle a moment.  Introduce yourself to any and all high-status females in the room, even the ones who might be your wife’s work enemy.  Nothing makes a wife feel more gratified about her job than rubbing her successful, handsome husband in her work rival’s face. Be polite to everyone, respectful to her subordinates (treat them like you would a little sister) and flirt lightly (!) with any of her strong female allies.  By engaging their interest you also engage their envy at your woman’s good fortune or selection criteria.  If you remain comfortable and friendly, yet steadfastly devoted to her around her subordinates and allies, then her status among them goes up accordingly.

And if you really want bonus points, then flirt shamelessly with the oldest woman in the room.  That’s an Ironwood stand-by that has worked for four generations, now.  Any jerk can go to a party and look pretty . . . it takes a real gentleman to offer sincere enough flattery and good-natured teasing to a woman far past her prime.  Such gallantry is a better DHV than driving up in a BMW for most women.

So to summarize, there are very few social occasions where taking a dominant stance in relation to your wife is not advised.  In most social situations with your wife, you actually do her more favors by appearing as a dominant husband than if you appeared as a weak-willed Beta . . . or even an “equal partnership” facade that most feminist marriages try to present.  Women admire a dominant, tingly-producing man, and they also admire (even if they resent) the women who are with them.  Don’t be afraid to use that.  Indeed, you’d be crazy not to.  

You’d be amazed how grateful some wives can be after an exceptionally well-performed work function . . . 


  1. Thanks! As always, this was a great post, and I really learned alot about my own motivations in relationships, keep up the great work!

  2. How are there not more comments on this? Great post. My wife works with high-powered hotshots in a completely unrelated field. In my own field I considered a hot commodity (more or less), but I'd always assumed a quiet, humble demeanor at her work functions, with her bragging on me and me saying aw, shucks a lot. No more!

  3. Great posting here. We don't do many work functions but at least this made me realize that the one thing we do each year (family work picnic) needs to be a situation where I shine and my extension she shines. No more t-shirts and flip flops.

  4. Mr ironwood
    Id appreciate your input on this one. I was recently at a wedding with my girl and her two friends and their boyfriends. One of my girls friends was a complete bitch which i had to nuke the hamster hard twice to get her to chill the fuck out. I found out later she cheated on her husband ONS and their second child i suspect is a cuckold. Any other suggetions on dealing with a proper bitch. No i know that the guy she married is quite beta, im running this assumption beacuse he took her back after she cheated. Any words of wisdom for dealing with seroius attitudes at a wedding table without being a complete out asshole

    1. Sounds like you handled your business. In cases like that, a few moments alone calmly explaining that this occasion isn't about her, and that you would appreciate it if she would start comporting herself as a real young lady . . . or the social consequences might be too dire for her to endure. Leave it vague and smile the whole time, but if she continues, find a way to push the bitch into the fountain or something. Or mention to all the dudes in the can how you can't even tell she's a guy now after the operation. Or do something else mortifying to her.

      But if you are simply unable to correct her behavior, just smile and have good posture. And make sure you tell your girl if she ever behaves like that you'll dump her ass.

    2. "find a way to push the bitch into the fountain or something. Or mention to all the dudes in the can how you can't even tell she's a guy now after the operation"

      ha ha like it. I havnt encountered one that bitchy before but not one other at the table would do anything or say anything while she continued on in that manner. I can only imagine what she is like at home to deal with. Dealt with it as i saw fit given the social setting.

      Like the blog bro....

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