Tuesday, March 20, 2012

If women don't 'need' a man these days, how come all I hear is "Where have all the good men gone?" from feminists and single mommies?

I was intrigued by venerable OMGBadger’s post over at the Badger Hut today, looking at the intriguing andoft-touted meme that Women Don’t Need Male Providers anymore.  While I encourage you to examine his analysis yourself, I did have a few thoughts about it, vis-à-vis feminism.


The fact is, this is one of those “both yes and no” questions.  Yes, women can, technically, exist in our society without a male provider assisting them – and I think that it’s only proper that they can.  In a post-industrial society there is no valid reason for any adult human being with a basic education to not be able to support themselves.  As a matter of fact, I’ve stated this over and over recently to my 18 year-old niece who hasn’t quite bought into the concept.

But there is a difference between being able to support yourself at a subsistence level and actually thriving in our society.  As Badger points out, women tend to do better, personally, in two-income households.  As a single woman in a blue or pink collar job, the cost of basic living expenses and the “feminine supplies” implicit in being a girl (cosmetics, health-and-beauty, twice as much underwear, birth control, feminine hygiene supplies, 8.2 assloads of shoes), there is precious little left with which to advance either the poor girl’s education and training or her standard of living.  Call this the “Laverne and Shirley” mode.  As a young single woman you have a job that pays for your basement apartment and food, and you work part time for pizza-and-beer-and-gossip-mags money.  This is “subsistence living, industrial style”.

Add even a single child to this equation and suddenly you’re in poverty.


Luckily (for women) there are plenty of service jobs that pay slightly more than the blue/pink collar jobs out there.  As long as a young woman pays for all of her necessities and is thoughtful and careful about her spending, she should be able not just support herself, but to gradually improve her standard of living and/or invest in her education.  

Of course the number of young women who understand budgeting and saving and investment – not to mention thoughtful and careful spending – is so statistically small so that what usually happens (according to a veteran financial planner friend of mine – I got nerds) is that the young lady in question racks up a lot of debt early on and ends up using up most of her expendable income in finance charges. 


Add a kid to this equation without a second income, and you’re back to the Laverne and Shirley subsistence-level, or worse. 

For dudes, it’s a little easier.  For one thing, our basic living costs are lower.  Not only do we not have all of the expenses associated with having a vagina, listed above, but we also don’t tend to indulge in the kind of shopping that breaks a lot of our female contemporaries.  A 25 year old dude will often have a quarter of the wardrobe that a woman the same age does.  In addition, according to my financial planner pal, dudes are more likely to start saving earlier, and tend to hold a lower debt threshold.  It helps that after their main expenses are paid their capital tends to go towards consumables, technology, and transportation (beer, videogames, cars).  

This is the Puerarchy, that happy land where you work hard, come home, drink beer, and play videogames with your buds all week, and then sarge the bars on the weekends -- Valhalla, in other words.  The occasional addition of a girlfriend will reduce a dude’s expendable income, of course, but thanks to hook-up culture the cost of dating without a commitment has gone down dramatically.  Saving and financial planning is also more important to a dude than, say, a 70% off sale at Lane Bryan. Of course he might turn around and spend $300 on comic books, but . . . hey, some of those are worth something.

I know a dude I went to High School with who skipped college, turned his tech skills into a full-time data management job at a hospital, and by the time the rest of us were struggling to graduate and living at home, he had moved out of his shitty apartment and bought a house.  At 23.  By 25 he cashed in his equity and appreciation and upgraded.  I don’t know of a single female peer who showed as much financial initiative.  Indeed, three of my wife’s friends from HS had filed for bankruptcy by the time they were 25.

So being a woman who can make her own money is great . . . as long as she doesn’t care about her own future or want children.  You go, girl!

Of course, if you do want kids . . . well, without a dude in the picture, it’s gonna get expensive.  Even with a dude, it's expensive.  But without one, the problems become more than just things you can throw money at.  A woman in my neighborhood tired of not finding Mr. Right and ended up adopting a little girl from overseas to fulfill her maternal urges. Without additional assistance she has to pay for a housekeeper, before and after school care, yard crew, home maintenance and repair service and a part-time nanny . . . and sees her precious bundle of joy about nine hours a week, because she has to work plenty of overtime to afford her lifestyle.

Sure, it’s a personal choice.  That’s fine.  But a woman who has a child without a second income (much less a second parent) not only suffers economically, she also affects the development of the child.  I’m not going to argue that a one-parent household can’t produce competent, capable adults, because I know that it can.  But the penalty paid by these families is steep, and the kids are the ones who suffer with that legacy.  I see all sorts of kids in my community, from school to scouts to my children’s friends.  It doesn’t take a genius to realize, once you’ve been interacting with them for a while, that there is a definite difference between how the two-parent kids act and how the one-parent kids act.  I’d even go so far as to say that socially and culturally, all other things being equal, the two-parent kids tend to perform better. 

But what about the feminist dream of the strong, hyper-capable woman who can be a full-time career woman who is also a successful mother and (possibly, if she feels like it) wife?  Do these women exist?

Yes.  I’m married to one.  And she couldn’t do half of the shit she does if it wasn’t for my support and income. 

My wife makes good money, and on paper she should be able to afford to care for all three of the Ironwood kids without any help from me – she’s brilliant and very, very good at what she does.  However, despite her high earning potential, she could not manage the children and the household at their current level without me.  Or at least not at our present standard of living.  That second income is a substantial factor in our budgeting.  And that second pair of hands is vital in the rearing of high-quality, championship free-range children.

I’ve seen the Mommies who try to do it all without a man in the picture.  It’s sad.  Divorced or never-married, it doesn’t matter what kind of career these women have or how successful they are, even if they get Susie to soccer on time and manage to pay for camp they are often unhappy, miserable wretches who end up taking out their frustrations on their kids.  They should be enjoying the rich bounty of endless  horizons and personal fulfillment through their careers while effortlessly raising non-violent, non-sexist, productive little members of society untainted by the evils of patriarchy, according to feminist ideology.  Take the bicycle away from the fish, and it will swim just fine, right?  

Only that isn't what's happening.  If I was a betting man, I'd say that in nine out of ten cases these single mommies -- divorced or never married -- would prefer to have both financial and practical assistance in raising their kids, even if it meant putting up with lackluster sex and a few annoying habits to do it.  Hell, most of these women would walk over hot coals at the possibility of a reasonably decent date, let alone a marriage proposal.  The gilt of feminism has worn off of the prospect of a professional career, and these women -- capable, intelligent women -- are seeing the stark reality underneath.  Feminism isn't empowering anymore.  In the Middle East and Africa, perhaps, it's about women's civil and human rights, but in the West?  Feminism is what persuaded them that they didn't need the men who (in many cases) would have been happy to have a larger role in their kids' lives (in those cases where the father was identifiable . . . Ecstasy is, apparently, a hell of a drug).

Men were supposed to respect their career aspirations and factor their career goals into their own, equally, according to feminism.  Not drop you after a second date when they realize that you have to work 70 hours a week to afford your condo and your crappy car.  Feminism said that men were supposed to value you as a colleague at work (eventually) and respect you for your contributions, not see you alternately as a  hateful bitch in competition with them or a potentially easy lay. Feminism told them that the sisterhood of women everywhere is a powerful force that should help propel them from languishing at the bottom of the corporate ladder to the top with their mentorship and assistance.  It didn't mention the part about female subordinates using the power of their position to socially bully your entire department, claim credit for your ideas and continuously sabotage your own efforts at success.  That was supposed to be what men did.

They struggle through and suffer on because they have kids who depend on them and they are good moms, despite their issues.  And each, not surprisingly, will rise to defend feminism if you dare attack it as a potential source of their problems.  Feminism, to them, means never having to take any shit from a man . . . while the rest of their life shits on them in giant bucketloads.  

It means they never have to go back to cooking and cleaning for a man (although they do enough of it for themselves and their kids), never having to ask a man's permission to buy anything (although there's precious little money left over to buy anything) and never having to have sex with a man if they don't want to (although quite a few of them will admit that they'll have sex with a date out of sheer boredom, even if they don't like him much, because to do otherwise would imply that they aren't sexually-active adult women who can make their own choices about their bodies).  It means never having to worry about their father hitting her kids (although she desperately wishes someone would straighten them out, because they sure as hell aren't listening to her).  It means never having to bow to her husbands wishes about where the family goes on vacation, which neighborhood to live in, or what car to buy (although vacations are nearly non-existent, they live where they can afford to on one salary, and they drive whatever car they can afford to keep alive -- especially since NOT ONE of them to my knowledge knows anything about automotive repair, so they go to expensive mechanics for even simple repairs or routine maintenance).   

They are, in other words, by-god FREE from the tyranny of male oppression!  They have slipped from the surely bonds of the Patriarchy and have created loving families on their own, without a man!  They are living the feminist dream of being a professional career woman AND a mother, with no good-for-nothing-but-child-support father around.  

That doesn't mean they don't have complaints.  Their top complaint?  It’s not about the glass ceiling or how hard it is to be a woman in a male-dominated workplace, or any of the traditional feminist memes, as you would expect.  

It’s “Where have all the good men gone?”  

They ask me constantly, anxiously, rhetorically and practically, because I know a lot of dudes. 

Unfortunately, I don't know a lot of dudes interested in a middle-aged mother of two who works 70 hours a week and pays for a gym membership but never goes.  I mean, why would they be?  But these single mommies keep asking me, and if I don't have a specific answer ("Oh, there's one over there!  Careful . . . don't move to quickly.  And be careful how you handle him.  If his wife smells you on him, she'll reject him from the nest.") then they ask me in general terms.  "Where have all the good men gone?" they ask, relentlessly, like I'm hiding the answer.  They want to think that there's a secret cave where the good men get lured, and there are thousands of big-dicked billionaire Alphas  just waiting to be freed from their underground prison, or something.  They don't want to heart the truth, at all:

"Where have all the good men gone?"   

"Feminism chased them away.  And now they don't want to have anything to do with you anymore."

"Where have all the good men gone?"  

"They got tired of getting divorced every time you thought you could do better."

"Where have all the good men gone?"   

"Feminism taught them that 'good' and 'man' were mutually exclusive, so they bugged out."

"Where have all the good men gone?"   

"They're marrying girls from the Ukraine and Korea and Argentina and Poland now, because those women don't get divorced because they're 'not haaaaaaapy'.  In fact, some are just happy -- and grateful -- because they have a husband and a chance to raise kids here.  Aren't you happy for your international sisters for fleeing their repressive cultures?"

"Where have all the good men gone?"   

"They see what a desperate, self-delusional red hot mess you are a mile away, and they throw their loser drinking buddies at you in an act of supreme sacrifice while they spirit themselves away."

"Where have all the good men gone?"   

"They want to start their own families, not inherit someone else's mess.  They certainly don't want to be step-dad to a brood who has never had a father present before, nor do they want their fatherhood constantly over-ruled by your motherhood."

"Where have all the good men gone?"   

"They're all around you, you're just too convinced of your own value to accept anything other than perfection, and any man so equipped would be smart enough to avoid the tar pit that is your life."

"Where have all the good men gone?"   

I could answer it over and over a hundred different ways and never repeat myself.  The litany of feminism's cultural violence against men and masculinity is impressive.  No matter what you tell them, however, they won't believe you, not if the answer has anything to do with them -- because they are never the problem.  It's always the fault of men.  Men don't like older women, men don't like single moms, men don't want to commit, men don't want to be supportive, men, men, men, blah blah blah.  Men suck, if you're a single mom.  Just ask one.  She'll tell you in gory detail why men are just awful, patriarchy is bad, and how all anyone wants is youth and beauty and sex, sex, sex.  If you can find anyone willing to even try to get that far.

But curiously the glorious feeling of fulfillment she gets from having a J-O-B and being able to support herself without being dependent on a man is, somehow, just not filling the hole in their lives they need filled.  For whatever reason the envy that 1960s-era feminist held for men who seemed happy in important executive positions -- "running things" -- just doesn't seem to be all it was cracked up to be.  Women are in executive positions now.  "Running things".  Yet they never seem to have the same level of satisfaction or security in their work that comparable men do.  The power and importance that feminism said women could just reach out and grasp turned out instead to be responsibility and obligation.  They're making the big paycheck, now -- so why aren't they happy?

"Where have all the good men gone?"   

You've heard the question yourself.  Someone else will ask you again, out of desperation, disgust, or genuine confusion. When they do, choose any of the answers above, or try this one: "They prefer a woman who needs a husband more than a fish needs a bicycle."

Just don't be a smart-ass and answer “To go live with the few good women”.  Take my word for it.  

Really.

33 comments:

  1. I am happy to have my husband around - for many reasons and I have no desire to be a single parent. That said, a lot of women like me have the income and brains to make it financially. I would however go crazy if I didn't have someone helping me raise kids. I make 3 times the money my husband does, he does our investing, I do our budget and day to day finances. Always better to be part of a fully functional team - unfortunately that isn't always possible and it never comes easy.

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    1. I never had desire to be a single mum, that's why I got married. Unfortunately for me, my now ex husband, loved sharing his love not only with me, but also with dozen other women and got at least 2 children not by me... would you let him stay for sake of having husband? he never was at home to help anyway. So NO, it wasn't my plan and desire to end up like that

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  2. Printing to share next time some broad asks.....

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  3. Hey Ian,

    Been reading you for a while, after your were name-dropped by Athol. Also read a bunch of your old Sex Nerd posts. Really great points. I'm a young, recently un-married dude, 27, and though the divorce was amicable and not economically ruinous for either of us (no kids, no child-support, no alimony, etc.), it seems clear to me that if we did have kids, it would have taken both of us and our incomes to make it happen. Didn't take the Red Pill in time for the ex- and I to work it out, but I have some ideas for going forward differently next time.

    Anyway, wanted to offer both a specific and general thanks for what you're writing here. Cheers.

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  5. "Just don't be a smart-ass and answer 'To go live with the few good women.' Take my word for it."

    It's a shame that being completely honest would be interpreted as being a smart-ass.

    Great post!

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  6. Holy sh@t. Can this entire post fit on a bumper sticker!

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  7. So, what do you make of the.."I'm not haaaapy" line I hear so much. Like its cousin "There are no good men". I'm taking the Red Pill now and have run into a divorcee, no kids, sweedish hottie...yes, gammed her ass, and applying lessons learned post beta...is the not happy bs hypergammy, desire/attraction gone due to beta behavior...

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  8. "I'm not haaaapy", aka "Eat Pray Love", is what a woman's Rationalization Hamster tells her to say when she stops being sexually attracted to her husband and is open to being attracted towards a hotter, higher-status male. Often a prelude to a divorce, it's often a woman's clearest sign that you ain't pumpin' her the Alpha like she needs to be entertained and excited anymore.

    The Blue Pill Dude will immediately commence Operation Kiss Her Ass, and buy her lots of stuff and supply obsequious fawning, until her disgust at the display forces her either into an affair or into a sex strike that coaxes him into an affair -- thus forcing the Hypergamy issue.

    The Red Pill Dude will immediately commence Operation Fuck Her Silly, increasing his relative Sex Rank as fast as possible and aggressively initiating sex until she is once again interested and content.

    That's my basic take on it. Mrs. Ironwood, in all the years we've been together, has not uttered this once. I guess that means she's happy.

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  9. So, I find myself in an interesting position, post-beta, that is. I have plates spinning, have 2 pump and dumps constantly texting my ass (although recently nuked 1 hamster to smithereens); gamed the ex back in to desire and attraction (albeit slowly) and HB 8 (I guess) sweedish gal who as mentioned above provided a nice window into biomecanics this evening, to quote..." I feel safe and secure..." You know, the more I think of it, this fundamental need is profound in females and alpah game exposes it. ( I sort of smirked when I heard those words...been reading too much) Oh and yea...she's not ..."haaaapy" with beta...and like my dumb ass was...he will embrace blue pill; what was that 10 poon commandment: something about a women's moral code and the tingle...?

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  10. Please excuse the typos...

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  11. Nice post thank you for sharing .You have really imparted useful tips

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  12. Where have all the good men gone?

    Another thing you don't want to say is, Look in the mirror. After you've spent your entire life being groomed to take a man's place in the world, complete with a dedicated cheering section every step of the way (You go, girl!), how can you possibly be surprised that you're here and he isn't?

    There are a limited number of niches in any social ecology, and when one of them is filled by newcomers, the previous inhabitants have very few options: they can fight back, migrate, find a new niche and try to fill it, or die off.

    Welcome to the world you worked so hard to create.

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  13. Where have all the good men gone?


    Where you ain't.

    That
    s where you hateful harpies.

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  14. Where have all the good men gone?

    Into the arms of feminine, traditional foreign women

    OR

    In their video games, beer, and no-commitment hookups.

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  15. all the LOSER women are out there now, and all the good ones seem to be taken.

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  16. I find that some of your things about single moms is invalid. My mom was single, she didnt choose to be, my father was a dick. She raised me and i turned out to be a pretty decent kid, good grades, about to graduate college.But one thing I will admit though is that the child is affected, particularly girls who come from single parent homes. I myself can admit that my view of men isnt great, in fact it is probably so horrendous that it may cause men to burst into flames. Anyway in a single home where no father is in the picture, a girl growing up will have the view point that men arent necessary because the women had to do it all. For me personally, a man is not needed and is only seen as a liability as opposed to an asset. Now I know I shouldnt think this way but after seeing what my mom had to go through, it makes me wonder what on earth women see in men. If something heavy needs to be lifted, I can do it, if i have things to get done, i can do it on my own. Independence is strong in me and I would turn down a mans help because I feel asking him for is it beneath me. But anyway dont get mad at women who act strong and tough because at the end of the day, many were raised in an environment where there was only strong tough, kick ass women.

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    1. While your experience my differ, the fact is that I see the result of single-parent households every time I go to a cub scout meeting.

      If you don't find men necessary, then great. If you can do it all on your own without male assistance, more power to you. My beef is not with women who act "strong and tough", it's women who act strong and tough and then can't figure out why men won't date them, much less marry them.

      To reiterate: If you don't need a man, don't worry. You probably won't get one.

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    2. I suppose that its all women mechanics that your mom used to fix the car and the gas woman that came by to fix the heater

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  17. many men like us do certainly wish that there were much more women like June Cleaver and Donna Reed around again, and they were very committed to their men and accepted them for who they were too.

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  18. Excuse you. Excuse you for assuming that it was feminism that drove away all the “good men” and excuse you for being such a self involved dick that you don’t want to “inherent someone else’s mess”
    You do not get to assume that I have an assload of shoes and makeup and I have to spend all of my income on feminine hygiene products, because I don’t. As you clearly stated, spending all of my money on what I like is not okay but spending $300 on comic books is okay because they are “worth money?”
    Fuck you and your “I’m a nice guy” ruse, fuck you for even thinking any of what you wrote. Feminism is not the problem. You and others like you, not just the men but the women, too, are the problem. Fuck you.

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    1. You see, that's where you are wrong, you femcunt. Feminism IS the problem because it promised women the ability to climb up the corporate ladder while at the same time being able to establish a family. That's mission impossible. Feminism taught men to act more like women, to their own detriment, and taught women to act more like men, to everybody's detriment. Now that the dust has settled, women are reaching their late 20's and early 30's finding themselves single and about to hit the panic button. Where are all the good men at? You left them in highschool and college for Studly McGorgeous thinking that by giving him a taste of your gash, he would commit to you... Just like when a nice guy gives you emotional support to try and garner a relationship LOL. Shaming men in to accepting fat, loser, pathetic single mothers is becoming the norm. "Man up!!", they scream. Women NEED men; Men DESIRE women. The end result of feminism is essentially: unchecked hypergamy (shit, women think they're a celebrity on Fuckbook when they get "likes" from thirsty simps and that they deserve a man higher then them on the attraction scale), women unfit for marriage and commitment ( due to adolescent sluttery), and women who have no moral fiber whatsoever (due to mommy wearing the pants in the family and failing to take disciplinary measures seriously). Don't even get me started on unhaaaappiness in modern women. So, yes, it is Feminism's fault. At my 22 years, I am already seeing the car crash that is most modern women- it's hilarious from a behavioral psychologic point of view. I'm all for gender equality, not gender supremacy, which is what FEMinism is. Having choices without taking responsibility for your actions. Getting prizes for filing for divorce, while men get taken to the cleaners. Do you know what has happened to all of the matriarchies throught the course of civilization? Look it up. It' just a matter of time before we burn to ashes because of catering only to women for the past 50 or so years. Oh, and don't worry about ever getting a man- those tattoos, piercings, short hair, and multiple sex partners prevent a man of value to ever want you, much less commit to you. Enjoy your vibrators, ice cream, cats, and love story novels for the rest of your life :)

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    2. Nicely said, my son!!!

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  19. this is such a good post - i advise any woman to read it. i am the demographic. 40's man, non drinker, non smoker, good job, healthy own teeth and hair etc.....perhaps i would be a good man. most women pass me over, i'm not the super-attractive alpha, and i sure dont earn enough money. i get flings with single moms, with phyco ex's and brattish kids....hey guess what, i dont want to be part of their world. most good men i know are married or are gay - me well i'm going to foriegn lands to find a wife, they will treat me like a human being and be kind rather than ridicule me. its took a while to find a reputable foreign marridge agency, but now i have its the only solution. western women are not good for your health - sorry girls - thats the truth.

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  20. it is very sad that there are so much more Loser Women out there now, especially the ones with the Attitude Problem today.

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  21. ""I make 3 times the money my husband does, he does our investing"".............BS......I have never met any wimminz who make 3 times the man....double?...OK......and he invests the cash?...get real!.....I deal with millions of dollars every hour of the day!......Good one TOOTS!...L*

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  22. The women of today are certainly nothing like the Real Good Ladies that existed years ago, and they made a Very Good Wife Too.

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    1. Yup, if only modern women were like my Mum - loving, caring, a good cook, level-headed, and understanding. Modern women have NONE of these qualities.

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    2. Most of the women are certainly Losers today.

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  23. Ian, you have written the absolute truth about why young men of America need to marry foreign women. All of American women are losers!

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  24. I was badly hurt when my lover of three years left me to be with another woman . I cried and sobbed every day, and wish the world will just come to and end , until it got so bad that I reached out to the Internet for help. And i saw a testimony of a spell caster that has been helping people with similar problem that very day i read a lot of testimony and post of this power spell caster , and i said let me give it a trial so i contact him for help and he cast a love spell for me which i use in getting my love back and now i am a happy woman. For what you have done for me,i will not stop to share your goodness to people as well I hope God blesses you as much as you have help me to get my Love back,visit him on kobikospelltemple@yahoo.com is the only answer to your problems ...

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  25. Omg some very good points here! I am so tired of singles moms bitching about their "awful" ex's. They're always the victim and had absolutely in part in reproducing with losers:/ yeah bc you know we still have arranged marriages that we force women into at gunpoint in this modern age... gawd! Your inability to learn good mate selection is your own damn fault. Don't get me started on the serial single mothers with multiple kids from multiple baby daddies who somehow can't comprehend birth control. I have gotten pregnant a few times (including few oops that ended in extremely early miscarriage that I won't have caught had I not been as good about watching my cycle) and it was only from risking it. Otherwise whatever method we used (and we've used a wide variety) worked just fine. Seriously stop playing the victim role and wise up ppl...

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