Thursday, July 26, 2012

Girl Game: The GFE


It's not often that I write about "girl Game", and it doesn't come up a lot in marriage blogs.  But every now and then I'll explain something in private to one of my readers and it occurs to me that perhaps others might like the same cosmic wisdom about their relationships.

So prepare for me to lay some Cosmic Wisdom on you, Ladies:

I know a few whores.  Not a lot, but a few -- there were four brothels represented at last year's AVN show, and the ladies like to talk shop as much as any professional woman.  Mrs. Ironwood found them fascinating (she trusts me, but not so much that she's going to let me go to a porn convention in Vegas without her.  Thank Aphrodite!)  In any case, these aren't just Professional women, they're professional Women.  They have sex for a living.  Often with other women's husbands.

Now, I've never patronized a prostitute myself, but I have a lot of respect for those who treat it as a vocation, not a mere meal ticket.  (If you haven't seen Firefly, and understood what a Companion is, then you might not understand the distinction.)  But the bread-and-butter for these ladies of the evening is the GFE: The Girl Friend Experience.

When a dude gets caught going to a whore, it's usually for the GFE, at least at first.  Most wives could care less just why he was paying for sex, or what kind of sex, or anything else but the name of a good divorce attorney.  That's quite understandable -- and often those questions do come to mind, months afterwards, as both parties are trying to pick up the shards of their lives and figure out where they went wrong.  For the dudes who turned to a pro, it's often the GFE that lures them in.  And it would be instructive for some wives to understand just what the GFE is, and why it has such a potent attraction.  And, perhaps, how you can put that into context of your own sex life.

The Girl Friend Experience is just that: where a man pays a prostitute to act and behave the same way a new girlfriend does in the early-and-horny stage of infatuation.  After the financial arrangement has been satisfied, then for the duration of the appointment the professional showers the client with physical affection -- hugging, kissing, holding hands, praising him, asking him about himself, and acting utterly fascinated by everything that falls out of their client's mouths -- no matter how banal.  She is not just selling her body, here, she's selling her sexual interest in him.

The core of the GFE is the sex act, of course -- but often this is limited to a long blowjob or even a lengthy handjob.  Sometimes there's penetrative sex later in an appointment, but the highlight of the experience is the way the woman leads her temporary boyfriend over to the couch, undresses him, and then crawls between his legs for an extended period of pure and unadulterated penis worship.

Now, this is the part that freaks some wives out: why would a dude pay up to $300 for a handjob, something he could ostensibly do himself, or even get at home?  Or shit, even a blowjob?  For $300 a woman would expect a full day at the spa, lunch AND sex, not an intense 90 minute session in a sleazy hotel room.

What they don't understand is that the draw is not the orgasm . . . it's the acceptance and emotional affirmation provided on the way to the orgasm.

A good GFE is't just a blowjob, it's all the bells and whistles leading up to it.  It's about the attention.  The attitude. The admiration.  The interest.  The respect.  And the desire to want to please you.  All of those things are part-and-parcel of the infatuation stage of a relationship as it culminates with sex.  It shocks these poor wives to learn that their husbands were paying good money for stuff they didn't really mind doing at home -- and they can't understand why.

So why does a man crave this bit of intimacy -- even with a stranger -- so badly he will sometimes risk everything to enjoy it?  You can blame pure lust, but that misses the mark.  What the client is seeking here is acceptance.  The fact that a woman is willing to tend to his sexual needs in a way that flatters his masculinity and sense of self so much that many men experience an unadulterated surge of Alpha testosterone.  It's no secret why "sudden renewed interest in sex" is often listed as a sign your husband might be having an affair: a good GFE is like Popeye eating a can of spinach.  You feel like someone really thinks you're worth a damn, even if you had to pay her to think it.  And if that gives a dude enough juice to go home and royally take his wife to Pound Town, then if nothing else you can ascertain that something important happened during his GFE, something sexually and psychologically empowering.

I'm not arguing for married men to seek out whores to fulfill their sense of masculinity.  Quite the contrary.  I'm trying to explain to wives just why a man might consider doing such a thing when he has a loving, sexually permissive wife at home.  And how wives might use the GFE as part of their own sexual repertoire.

First, consider your husband's position:

Once upon a time, he met a really cute girl (you), who for whatever reason laughed at his jokes and made eyes at him and then unexpectedly did that thing in that place and it blew his freaking mind enough so he didn't hesitate to call you.  After that, he was in a dopamine-soaked haze, dripping with testosterone and starlight whenever the image of your face came to mind.  You might remember it differently, but likely he thought the first sex (or maybe the third -- sometimes it takes a few to find the memorable one) you had together was AMAZING, so amazing he started considering what it would be like to spend the rest of his life with that naughty vixen.

Sure, he was in the throes of infatuation -- likely you were too.  But while you were picking out names for your future children, he was picking out colors for future slutty underwear and crazy places you could get away with "doing it".  Even if he was thinking about you as his future wife, that was only after a long and torrid period as his hot, sexy, adventurous girlfriend.  The kind of girl that inspires a dude to get in fights with bikers or take cross-country to see the world or consider shaving his pubes.  At the basis of that attitude was sex -- a very specific kind of sex -- the kind of sex that changes a man's life.  Sex with you. 

His girlfriend.

Fast forward, ten years, post-wedding: your husband now has a Wife.  He's married.  And even if he's relatively happily married, a part of him will always long for and lust for his hot, sexy girlfriend.

From a female perspective it's easy to see why being a man's wife means so much more than being a mere girlfriend.  Being a Wife is a lifelong (hopefully) commitment.  Being a Wife means more than being a girlfriend -- would your girlfriend know your Social Security number?  Your issues with your mother?  How you can't handle spicy foods?  Of course not -- she just thought you were a bad boy with a big dick who knew how to use it, and that was sufficient.  From a female perspective, being a Wife is a huge, huge responsibility, with sex being just one of many important facets to cover.

Sure, it might not be as frequent as it was -- but hell, you aren't 19 anymore, are you?  (Either is he).  And how could it be that frequent with all you have to do?  Especially with jobs and kids?  It's amazing you're in the mood at all, and then the stars have to line up for it to happen.  And when it does happen, it's good, solid responsible married-people sex, two positions max, no oral, see you in a fortnight.  The kind Husbands and Wives have.  Sure, it's nice when it happens, but the way he mopes around about it, and then gets frustrated, well, you're his Wife, not his damn sex slave.  He can just wait.  What kind of woman does he think you are, anyway?

(His girlfriend.)

You see, your husband never stopped thinking about you as his girlfriend, first and foremost.  Long after trading in your engagement ring for a wedding band, he still thought about you as "my girlfriend I'm going to marry" in his subconscious.  Even after he walked down the aisle and had hot crazy monkey sex on his honeymoon, he was seeing it as the culmination of the Girl Friend Experience, not its death throes.

And that's what a lot of wives don't understand.  Your husband does want to have sex, and he does want to have sex with you, and yes, he wants it to be an intimate, deep, emotional, soul-fulfilling experience.  Sometimes.  That's the kind of sex that keeps your marriage stable, reminds you of why you put up with each others' shit, and makes you appreciate the wonders of marital sex.

But then there's the deep, burning desire within the heart of every man to have the GFE . . . often an experience that wives feel they have grown beyond with maturity and matrimony.  He knows how you feel about him, after all -- you married him, didn't you?  You still fuck him, don't you?  What's the problem?  Why can't he be satisfied with what you have to offer?

Because you're offering him the opportunity to make love with his Wife.  And sometimes a dude just needs his girlfriend to tell him how wonderful he is, suck his dick, and then leave him alone for a while. It's amazing what a panacea that is to the vast majority of men.  The GFE is powerful magic.  It sustains us, recharges, us, makes us feel loved and appreciated the way nothing else can.  They want it from you, of course -- you're (still) their girlfriend, after all.

But more than likely, that's just not a priority.  Why suck or stroke when you can just go the whole way?

Because it's not just about the sex.  It's about the affirmation and desire for him.  It's about someone admiring him, admiring his penis with oohs! and ahhhs! and telling him how big it is and other lies.  They want someone to spend some quality time with it, not rush through it while you think about the PTA canned food drive and how you're going to fire that asshole at work -- we can feel that shit running through your heads when you do that, sometimes.  For the real GFE, the look of utter devotion and intense joy you display about being fortunate enough to be the lucky girl who gets to play with his cock is like running on premium fuel.  Regular single working-class dudes will save for months for one night of pure GFE bliss.  Men crave it so much that they're willing to pay a stranger for it.

Here's the thing about bringing the GFE into your marriage.  He can't ask for it, any more than you can ask for a dozen red roses or jewelry, or it doesn't count.  The Marital GFE has to be given out of pure grace, because you, his girlfriend see that he, your boyfriend, is in need and you want to do something for him out of the goodness of his heart.  And while making a super-duper pancake breakfast might seem compassionate enough . . . nothing beats the GFE.

Second, it has to be a surprise.  You must initiate it, and figure out when the best time to pounce is.  Yes, that requires recourse to calendars and schedules and such.  But you can't mutually plan a GFE, nor may he initiate it.  It's up to you.  If he knows its coming, it's just more marital sex, no mater how inspired.

Third, you have to make an attempt to be alluring.  That can be anything from $300 lingerie to that halter top you know he likes to that hooker costume from halloween to being buck naked and quivering in passion.  Hair and make-up, natch.  Making the effort shows you're serious, and that you take him seriously.

Fourth, you can't talk about yourself.  At all.  No talk about work, kids, school, friends, family, symptoms, your problems, your hectic schedule, your impossible workload -- once you commit to a GFE, it's all about how much you think of him.  It's not about you (even though it's entirely about you).  Talk about him -- how sexy he is, how much you admire and respect a man that _________ (and make sure he does _______ or it will get weird).  And touch him.  Undress him, caressing every part that gets uncovered.  Play with his non-penile erogenous zones.  Kiss him.  Lots.  But don't talk to him like a wife, treat him like a hot new boyfriend you really want to impress.

Fifth, since you, the woman, took the initiative, you, the woman, are in control.  The passive nature of the GFE for the man is part of the allure of the experience.  The feeling of power, joy, and confidence a man feel with some dainty digits wrapped around your dick is exquisite, but so is just sitting there and allowing an expert to perform.her best effort to bring you pleasure.  It's up to you to decide how long, how hard, how deep, and when it's time to finish him off and how.  Let him have that moment of sublime passivity before you bring him back to reality.

Sixth, try altering your appearance a bit if you feel he might react funny to his wife making affirmations of his studliness like a teenage girl who just thinks he's dreamy.  Consider a wig of a highly contrasting color, for example, a departure in your choice of wardrobe, even re-arrange the furniture in the living room to provide an air of novelty.  Lingerie is highly recommended, anything from Demure Little Angel to Biker Slut In Heat.  A little dirty talk, an alias (I like the "Evil Twin" move), or a long, nasty story while you work his crank is ideal.  You want to engage his sexual imagination, not merely make him cum.

Seventh, make sure you tell him over and hover how hot he makes you.  Yeah, we know it sounds kind of lame.  Do it anyway.  It helps.  We tell you those pants don't make you look fat, don't we?  Turnabout.

Eighth: when the inevitable explosion comes, don't grimace, make a face, or otherwise express anything but the utmost joy of providing relief for your special dude.  It sucks to have a good GFE experience ruined when the women jumps up screaming "OH, GROSS!" like an ex of mine did (may she suffer an eternal yeast infection).  Even if you don't swallow, at least act happy while it spurts everywhere.  It cleans up pretty easy, y'know.  Then kiss him and tell him how much you love him and appreciate him, and how happy you were to do that for him.

Nine: Go away.

That sounds harsh, but like the esteemed Charlie Sheen between bouts of pornstars and Winning!, "You don't pay hookers for sex.  You pay hookers to go away after sex."  As turned on as the GFE might make you (and it just might), part of its allure is the utter lack of expectation in the aftermath of the scene.  You made him cum spectacularly, and now you have to run a few errands or take a shower or something.  DO NOT use his condition of spiritual repose as an opportunity to ask about the direction of the relationship, how good you were (he came, didn't he?) or whether or not this means that you can go shopping this weekend with your mother.  Just . . . go away.  Not for a long while, but for long enough for your dude to appreciate your gift in solitude.

Now, once you return from your errands or whatever, you very well may find your dude an affectionate and devoted dynamo able and willing to do whatever you need him to.  The GFE has the spiritual equivalent of a 4ct. diamond ring he bought you "just because I love you".  It earns you serious Girlfriend Points, as well as serious Wife Points.

Because that's the goal: to get your Husband to treat you as his girlfriend temporarily, and then segue back into "normal" routines.  The GFE is a fantasy, after all -- those whores are so much better at being "good girlfriends" than you ever were, because that's their job.  They don't feel as awkward as you as you're telling him how big he is (or probably giggle as much), they have mad skills that come only from long practice on a variety of dicks, and most of them are pretty damn hot, objectively speaking.

But only you can add the emotional component that blows the back of his skull off.  You don't want to live between his knees every night (damn it), but when your dude is looking down at you looking up adoringly at him, it's a hell of a way to change his perspective.

So consider it.  Surprise your dude with a custom-fitted GFE some night, particularly if he's been bugging you about sex but you haven't felt "comfortable" enough for whatever reason.  Rock his world like you're 19, then scamper off and let him do what he does . . . and you will have made him among the happiest of men.  Without recourse to prostitutes.

I mean, what husband is going to spend $300 he doesn't have to on a handjob in a hotel room when he has a hot, horny girlfriend at home (who looks just like his wife)?  You have to have Charlie-Sheen level money to afford the high end.  And I know plenty of wives who would just as soon whack off hubby at home for half that much.

Y'know.  Just to make it interesting.




176 comments:

  1. So behaving this way too often deteriorates it's potency? Damn.

    Actually, given men's love of variety, isn't it detrimental to do anything too often in bed?

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I don't think many men are going to say "ah, crap...sex AGAIN."

      Delete
    2. Actually - when you're 50, have been married to the same woman for 25+ years, and she flops down on her back and spreads her legs while looking away, again, yeah, you CAN get to the point of "ah, crap. THIS KIND of sex. AGAIN."

      But as I've learned, that's means I'm not doing MY job right. Things are changing.

      Delete
    3. Men and women have completely different ideas of what "too often" means. Most women will never come even close to a man's "too often" threshold.

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  2. Wow. Maybe you should write for us ladies more often. You've given me a lot to think about.

    ReplyDelete
  3. 5 gold stars.
    Not married,but could have been if
    1.Bring that hot cup-0-java while I'm still in bed.
    2.Regular BJ's with solitude afterwards.

    That's it, so simple a cavewoman could do it.

    ReplyDelete
  4. Holy shit, Ian. I think you've really hit the nail on the head with this. For a while, I've been trying to figure out what it is I want from my wife and this really is the best way to describe it. I've always tried to come at it through the lens of her being my Wife and what her obligations are to me. But in essence, a Wife is actually the sum of this equation:

    Wife = The Mother of My Children + Girlfriend

    Of course the mirror of this equation is:

    Husband = The Father of Her Children + Boyfriend

    The real key to being BF and GF is to remove the family from all aspects of your personal relationship with each other. So if you go out on Date Night, it's not to get away from the kids - it's to take your lady out and impress her. For her, she needs to have the mentality that she's out with her BF and that she needs to impress as well.

    I would also say, especially for couples that are having a tough time, that the BF/GF dynamic should be stated explicitly in the beginning. Later on, it will become more spontaneous, but you have to "fake it till you make" at the start.

    ReplyDelete
  5. Dude, what an inspired post. Now how do I get this in the hands of my over-educated, over-achieving unbelievably well paid corporate wife?

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Email me her email address, and I'll send it to her myself. Then she can be mad at me. And better informed.

      Delete
  6. This post is excellent, and really hits home. Boils appreciation for the spouse down to the bare bones in a super potent way. I plan to share it with her at some point. Also, I haven't mentioned it before but I love your pinup girls.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Thanks! I consider the 1940s-1950s era pin-up the last great expression of pre-feminist feminine sexuality. They are erotic without being explicit, relatively tasteful, considering most advertising these days, and evocative of a bygone era. But thanks for the notice!

      Delete
    2. Dude. This stuff is genius. And yes, I love Elvgren...you're right, that was the last time women knew how to be women, looking at those images is like a balm on your heart...compared to today's bitchy, gaunt models.

      Delete
  7. Wonderful fantastic post, Ian. Making plans for this weekend.

    ReplyDelete
  8. I think you should have a weekly girl game post! Some of us high desire girls are looking to get more action, too... advice from other married men helps.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Yes, I concur! Very good post and lovely pinups.

      Delete
    2. Would be greatly appreciated! I've been married for two years. Sex was great. Now I'm lucky if I get any. No doubt there is attraction, but reminders of things or learning a few new tricks is prudent in any relationship. To me Sex is one of THE most important things in a relationship. Knowing what makes him tick it more helpful for us all.

      Delete
    3. Hey, Ian, could you do a post on how to increase desire in men? My mate is content with a lot less sex than I am, but I don't want to come out and complain about his libido because I figure that'll just make him feel terrible, and then I'll be wondering if any sex we have afterward is out of grudging obligation. (FWIW, my I want it once or twice a day, his ideal is more like once a week.)

      Delete
  9. That was a beautifully inspired post! I'm looking for new and creative stuff to do, and will definitely try this.

    ReplyDelete
  10. Ian, you do know that most women are far too self - centred to actually fallow your advice to do that without ulterior motives, right?

    Besides, if he gets frustrated enough to cheat, the swag from divorce theft awaits.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Any woman who is here, and actually read that post, is already searching for answers and isn't ready to give up on her marriage yet. Any woman who happens across this post and thinks "God, I'd never do that! That's utterly debasing and demeaning!" shouldn't be married in the first place.

      Delete
    2. Ian your a boss!!! Simply reading the text was exciting my imagination and re-awakened the true passion that was lost within me. I can't express in words how much it has inspired me.

      Basically, if a woman does not understand anything at all, simply following this to the letter will get her results! I can almost guarantee it would have worked on me if my ex-gf did this... 100%



      What REALLY striked me and I literally applauded in an empty room, was when you commanded that the girlfriend immediately leaves you alone!! I was shocked at how irrational and truthfully it applied to my inner desires.

      Thank you brother, I respect that.

      And to ALL THE WOMEN READING THIS, YOU ARE VERY SPECIAL FOR BEING INTERESTED!

      Delete
  11. fantastic stuff, i nearly married the wrong woman, sex was on sundays between 3 and 5 one position only. mmm think i've been looking in the wrong place for a wifey.

    ReplyDelete
  12. How do I give this to my wife without making it seem like I'm desperate and she's inadequate?

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Reverse the role and try it out on her. Sometimes we need a boyfriend and not the man we talk business with or plans with or kids with everyday. Take her on a date impress her as you once did and rapture her. Fuck her brains out and leave her screaming for more. A really neat way to get her attention is to mark the date on her calendar. Date with Atlram 8 o'clock Friday and what she should wear (pick your favorite outfit or say something sexy). If you have kids arrange for a sitter overnight. If she asks questions do not tell her a damn thing! Pick her up, open the doors for her, Show her off, Keep her on your arm, pay the bill and maybe get a jucczi room. See how she reacts. Then later when you feel the need again, say "Baby remember when we did ___??? How would you feel about setting up a lil' date for us. Use your imagination." Hell, I just got myself going thinking of my husband saying that. It brings up good hot memories, then gives it time to set in and let her imagination work. Maybe she will even surprise you. Or maybe I'm way off course. But its worth a try. Even she likes girlfriend sex. Don't we all?

      Delete
  13. How do I give this to my wife without making it seem like I'm desperate and she's inadequate?

    ReplyDelete
  14. This stuff should be a part of marriage preparation classes, thanks for the advice.

    ReplyDelete
  15. "What they don't understand is that the draw is not the orgasm . . . it's the acceptance and emotional affirmation provided on the way to the orgasm.

    A good GFE is't just a blowjob, it's all the bells and whistles leading up to it. It's about the attention. The attitude. The admiration. The interest. The respect. And the desire to want to please you. All of those things are part-and-parcel of the infatuation stage of a relationship as it culminates with sex. It shocks these poor wives to learn that their husbands were paying good money for stuff they didn't really mind doing at home -- and they can't understand why."

    I hit on this in a post last week
    http://badgerhut.wordpress.com/2012/07/30/decoupling-intimacy-and-commitment/

    Where I noted that young men today are finding the FWB is an effective way not of avoiding monogamy (which admittedly some guys want to do), but of avoiding the obligations and expectations that so often breed routine and resentment in relationships, killing the quasi-spontaneous and emotionally charged edge that makes romance so fun. These men WANT and NEED the emotional bonding of monogamy, but don't want to turn into a stuffed-person status symbol for a woman who can brag she has a boyfriend and she thinks she gets to order around.

    When I read Gary Neuman's book The Truth About Cheating, I was only mildly surprised to find that according to his practice data, the majority of men having affairs were motivated not by sex but by feeling unappreciated and unloved at home.

    Not really related here, but I made the further point in my post that young men today feel this way as a matter of course, but that because of the tingle-first SMP, they cannot get emotional contact and acceptance without flexing their sexual bona fides first.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. "Not really related here, but I made the further point in my post that young men today feel this way as a matter of course, but that because of the tingle-first SMP, they cannot get emotional contact and acceptance without flexing their sexual bona fides first."

      So true - and for guys who lead heart-first and need the trust etc... leaves them in the dust...

      Delete
  16. Great post , but I gotta ask: what would make for a great BFE? How does an Alpha give his wife the evening she secretly desires?

    Your insights are awesome.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I'll work that up for a future post. And yes, Gentlemen, there is the BFE. And if you do it right, and make her make the Pig Noise, then you will be hallowed as a sex god in her mind forevermore.

      Delete
    2. ...I am intriqued. What is the Pig Noise?

      Delete
    3. When you make her cum so hard that she loses control of her bodily functions . . . like being utterly incoherent, unable to speak, and making snorting OMG! noises like a surprised little piggy. When you make her make a pig noise . . . she's hooked.

      Delete
  17. Awesome. I'm sharing this post with a friend who is having difficulty with her marriage. All they seem to have left is the "talk about work, kids, school, friends, family, symptoms, your problems, your hectic schedule, your impossible workload" and where he is on the to-do list she gave him. His value to her seems to have become only the degree to which he conforms to her minute control. If all you are is a deliverer of $$ and semen to her (only to get pregnant you pig!), and completer of her to-do list, business will be banging for the prostitutes. Oh right, that is just the patriarchy talking. I forgot: I have been socially programmed to think this way and there is no such thing as human nature. If only women rulled the world there would be no war, no conflict, no inequality. Because if you enumerate all human characteristics, all the positive ones are inately female and all the negative ones are inately male. Remember this boys as you grow up - you are inately bad in every way! But, perhaps, if you finish my to-do list for you on time, we can look at that agian. Maybe.

    ReplyDelete
  18. I think i just heard the sound of a thousand feminists head exploding in unison.

    Great post man. This should be front page cover material for Cosmo!

    ReplyDelete
  19. I'm a feminist and I rock my man's world, in bed and out of it. Why does a woman's desire for control over her reproduction and a desire for equal pay always have to be equated with being a frigid bitch?

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. It's the classical "It depends on what kind of feminist" you're talking about.

      Delete
    2. Why do you assume that a desire to be treated with civility and respect among men translates into a desire to control her reproduction or pay-grade?

      As I talk about in my forthcoming book, there are plenty of varieties of feminism.

      Some want equal rights.
      Some want better sex.
      Some want women running everything.
      Some conspire to dominate the culture.
      Some advocate for the elimination of males from the human species in a fit of genocide.

      SO, when I'm bitching about feminism, you can pick which one you think I'm talking about by context. They each add their own little bitter spice to the soup, but some are worse than others. That last one for instance . . . there is no one in the Manosphere advocating serious to get rid of all the women, for reals. That is not so in the feminist community. As long as ladies such as yourself tolerate that kind of nastiness to be associated with the feminist brand, and use words like "rape culture" to describe our sexuality, then we have the ontological right to respond.

      Delete
  20. Great post! This really gave me a lot to think about, and while I'm not at that point yet with my boyfriend, I'm bookmarking this to come back to for tips. Much of this I already knew about, but there were things I'd never thought about too, like the comparison between the whole 'girlfriend experience' and 'just thinking of you' gifts. I think this will really be helpful to a lot of people.

    Oh, and I love your old-school cheesecake pictures. :)

    ReplyDelete
  21. So read this a couples of weeks ago and couldn't figure out how to really fit it in. One we have a toddler, so we're lucky to get any kind of sex in (still manage about every day or so, where there's a will, there's a way). Two, we like each other a lot and tend to be the sickeningly cute bonded at the hip couple so most of the time sex leads into as much afterglow snuggling and if we're really lucky a nice naked nap while spooning. However I realized I already do the GFE! Fairly regularly we end up having a quickie before he leaves for work so there's that inherent "fuck and run" attitude with no need make elaborate plans or even hire a sitter (baby is either asleep or distracted by Elmo so we can sneak away to our bedroom). To me it was just fitting it in/seizing the opportunity but now realize just how important that was:)

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. That's great work. don't get me wrong. But man cannot live by quickies alone. I know it's a pain in the ass, but dudes not only want sex all the time, they want a variety (I'm sure you do to). The proper GFE is done when there are no time pressures, no distractions, and no children in a 1.3 mile radius. If you want to get your freak on good and hard, kids are not "sex positive".

      Delete
    2. A friend of mine with a toddler says that the song that plays right before the end of Elmo should be titled "Grownups, Find Your Clothes." She can't recommend it highly enough as a Quickie Destractor.

      Delete
    3. I rarely resort to acronyms, but . . . ROFLMAO. Brilliant idea.

      Delete
    4. What Ian said, Anonymous Woman,


      I've had pleasures with while the baby was sleeping or watching tv and believe me...

      there is NOTHING , not even 1% as satisfying as the situational approach recommended in this BLOG.
      Don't fall into the trap of believing that "guys just want sex" that's the WRONG approach. Try to understand the philosophy and the "feeling" behind the ENTIRE blog (you're missing this entirely).

      Delete
  22. This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.

    ReplyDelete
  23. As a married man who has actually paid for a GFE (which my wife did find out about), this is spot on.

    I wish I could have shown this to her before it happened, as it is what I was looking for. After the fact I think it would come across a bit too much like I was trying to rationalize what I did.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. While I understand the need, as a woman I suggest you show her one that's written by a woman. Dr. Laura comes to mind. Show her this one and she'll either start seeing red or vomit as I did. It's just written poorly for anyone with brains though the sentiment is right. Note misuse of "culmination."

      Delete
    2. DR. LAURA!?! Perhaps if he needs advice in Exercise Physiology.

      Very few women could pull off writing about this in a way that's going to be instructive in the way it needs to be. Maggie MacNeil, at the Honest Courtesan blog, is one, if you don't like my writing style.

      And vomit is not very sex positive.

      Delete
  24. I often want to do this but with two small children and four hours of sleep per night...how do you do this? I want to worship my husband and please him as he deserves it...but so hard with two small children at home.

    ReplyDelete
  25. This was really inspiring! I live in Sweden and here we have a huge problem with equality killing the sex in marriages. We are all civilized and pro womens rights, of course, but this kind of article would be impossible to wright in a Swedish magazine or blog, people would go crazy. Which is such a shame, because we all have som much to win if we just make an effort to create an atmosphere for sexuality to thrive, and leave politics outside. I work with adult sexual education, and I will defenitely incorporate the GFE into my repertoir of effective techniques to regain the spark, but modified into a form that anxious Swedes can approach... :) Many thanks, Ian! <3

    ReplyDelete
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    ReplyDelete
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    ReplyDelete
  28. I hate sex.I only have sex with my husband becuase otherwise I would not be able to be married. Why would I want to do this?

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Why be married if you don't want to fuck your husband?!? If you hate sex, turn him loose and get a cat. Sex is the cornerstone of any decent marriage, and IV sex is just wrong.

      Delete
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  46. I have absolutely no idea how I found this, but I'm glad I did. I adore my boyfriend and do worry about making him happy for life. He's a faithful soul and I trust him but I don't want him to need anything elsewhere, especially after we are married with kids (which seems, for men, to be the part when they get bored). Thanks for the tip.

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    1. The purpose of this article is to teach good women (wives/girlfriends) what to do and how to treat their men so they never resort to whores.

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  48. I've been perusing your blog for a day or two, being always on the lookout for ways to make my husband (Captain? Is that better? I like it better, myself...) a happier and more contented fellow than he already is. Wisdom is found in a multitude of counsellors, after all. This is a *great* idea—thank you for explaining it & its purpose so well. Plus it'll be fun for both of us. Thanks; the wheels in my mind are really turning!

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