It's not often that I write about "girl Game", and it doesn't come up a lot in marriage blogs. But every now and then I'll explain something in private to one of my readers and it occurs to me that perhaps others might like the same cosmic wisdom about their relationships.
So prepare for me to lay some Cosmic Wisdom on you, Ladies:
I know a few whores. Not a lot, but a few -- there were four brothels represented at last year's AVN show, and the ladies like to talk shop as much as any professional woman. Mrs. Ironwood found them fascinating (she trusts me, but not so much that she's going to let me go to a porn convention in Vegas without her. Thank Aphrodite!) In any case, these aren't just Professional women, they're professional Women. They have sex for a living. Often with other women's husbands.
When a dude gets caught going to a whore, it's usually for the GFE, at least at first. Most wives could care less just why he was paying for sex, or what kind of sex, or anything else but the name of a good divorce attorney. That's quite understandable -- and often those questions do come to mind, months afterwards, as both parties are trying to pick up the shards of their lives and figure out where they went wrong. For the dudes who turned to a pro, it's often the GFE that lures them in. And it would be instructive for some wives to understand just what the GFE is, and why it has such a potent attraction. And, perhaps, how you can put that into context of your own sex life.
The Girl Friend Experience is just that: where a man pays a prostitute to act and behave the same way a new girlfriend does in the early-and-horny stage of infatuation. After the financial arrangement has been satisfied, then for the duration of the appointment the professional showers the client with physical affection -- hugging, kissing, holding hands, praising him, asking him about himself, and acting utterly fascinated by everything that falls out of their client's mouths -- no matter how banal. She is not just selling her body, here, she's selling her sexual interest in him.
The core of the GFE is the sex act, of course -- but often this is limited to a long blowjob or even a lengthy handjob. Sometimes there's penetrative sex later in an appointment, but the highlight of the experience is the way the woman leads her temporary boyfriend over to the couch, undresses him, and then crawls between his legs for an extended period of pure and unadulterated penis worship.
Now, this is the part that freaks some wives out: why would a dude pay up to $300 for a handjob, something he could ostensibly do himself, or even get at home? Or shit, even a blowjob? For $300 a woman would expect a full day at the spa, lunch AND sex, not an intense 90 minute session in a sleazy hotel room.
What they don't understand is that the draw is not the orgasm . . . it's the acceptance and emotional affirmation provided on the way to the orgasm.
A good GFE is't just a blowjob, it's all the bells and whistles leading up to it. It's about the attention. The attitude. The admiration. The interest. The respect. And the desire to want to please you. All of those things are part-and-parcel of the infatuation stage of a relationship as it culminates with sex. It shocks these poor wives to learn that their husbands were paying good money for stuff they didn't really mind doing at home -- and they can't understand why.
I'm not arguing for married men to seek out whores to fulfill their sense of masculinity. Quite the contrary. I'm trying to explain to wives just why a man might consider doing such a thing when he has a loving, sexually permissive wife at home. And how wives might use the GFE as part of their own sexual repertoire.
First, consider your husband's position:
Once upon a time, he met a really cute girl (you), who for whatever reason laughed at his jokes and made eyes at him and then unexpectedly did that thing in that place and it blew his freaking mind enough so he didn't hesitate to call you. After that, he was in a dopamine-soaked haze, dripping with testosterone and starlight whenever the image of your face came to mind. You might remember it differently, but likely he thought the first sex (or maybe the third -- sometimes it takes a few to find the memorable one) you had together was AMAZING, so amazing he started considering what it would be like to spend the rest of his life with that naughty vixen.
Sure, he was in the throes of infatuation -- likely you were too. But while you were picking out names for your future children, he was picking out colors for future slutty underwear and crazy places you could get away with "doing it". Even if he was thinking about you as his future wife, that was only after a long and torrid period as his hot, sexy, adventurous girlfriend. The kind of girl that inspires a dude to get in fights with bikers or take cross-country to see the world or consider shaving his pubes. At the basis of that attitude was sex -- a very specific kind of sex -- the kind of sex that changes a man's life. Sex with you.
Fast forward, ten years, post-wedding: your husband now has a Wife. He's married. And even if he's relatively happily married, a part of him will always long for and lust for his hot, sexy girlfriend.
From a female perspective it's easy to see why being a man's wife means so much more than being a mere girlfriend. Being a Wife is a lifelong (hopefully) commitment. Being a Wife means more than being a girlfriend -- would your girlfriend know your Social Security number? Your issues with your mother? How you can't handle spicy foods? Of course not -- she just thought you were a bad boy with a big dick who knew how to use it, and that was sufficient. From a female perspective, being a Wife is a huge, huge responsibility, with sex being just one of many important facets to cover.
Sure, it might not be as frequent as it was -- but hell, you aren't 19 anymore, are you? (Either is he). And how could it be that frequent with all you have to do? Especially with jobs and kids? It's amazing you're in the mood at all, and then the stars have to line up for it to happen. And when it does happen, it's good, solid responsible married-people sex, two positions max, no oral, see you in a fortnight. The kind Husbands and Wives have. Sure, it's nice when it happens, but the way he mopes around about it, and then gets frustrated, well, you're his Wife, not his damn sex slave. He can just wait. What kind of woman does he think you are, anyway?
You see, your husband never stopped thinking about you as his girlfriend, first and foremost. Long after trading in your engagement ring for a wedding band, he still thought about you as "my girlfriend I'm going to marry" in his subconscious. Even after he walked down the aisle and had hot crazy monkey sex on his honeymoon, he was seeing it as the culmination of the Girl Friend Experience, not its death throes.
And that's what a lot of wives don't understand. Your husband does want to have sex, and he does want to have sex with you, and yes, he wants it to be an intimate, deep, emotional, soul-fulfilling experience. Sometimes. That's the kind of sex that keeps your marriage stable, reminds you of why you put up with each others' shit, and makes you appreciate the wonders of marital sex.
But then there's the deep, burning desire within the heart of every man to have the GFE . . . often an experience that wives feel they have grown beyond with maturity and matrimony. He knows how you feel about him, after all -- you married him, didn't you? You still fuck him, don't you? What's the problem? Why can't he be satisfied with what you have to offer?
Because you're offering him the opportunity to make love with his Wife. And sometimes a dude just needs his girlfriend to tell him how wonderful he is, suck his dick, and then leave him alone for a while. It's amazing what a panacea that is to the vast majority of men. The GFE is powerful magic. It sustains us, recharges, us, makes us feel loved and appreciated the way nothing else can. They want it from you, of course -- you're (still) their girlfriend, after all.
But more than likely, that's just not a priority. Why suck or stroke when you can just go the whole way?
Because it's not just about the sex. It's about the affirmation and desire for him. It's about someone admiring him, admiring his penis with oohs! and ahhhs! and telling him how big it is and other lies. They want someone to spend some quality time with it, not rush through it while you think about the PTA canned food drive and how you're going to fire that asshole at work -- we can feel that shit running through your heads when you do that, sometimes. For the real GFE, the look of utter devotion and intense joy you display about being fortunate enough to be the lucky girl who gets to play with his cock is like running on premium fuel. Regular single working-class dudes will save for months for one night of pure GFE bliss. Men crave it so much that they're willing to pay a stranger for it.
Here's the thing about bringing the GFE into your marriage. He can't ask for it, any more than you can ask for a dozen red roses or jewelry, or it doesn't count. The Marital GFE has to be given out of pure grace, because you, his girlfriend see that he, your boyfriend, is in need and you want to do something for him out of the goodness of his heart. And while making a super-duper pancake breakfast might seem compassionate enough . . . nothing beats the GFE.
Third, you have to make an attempt to be alluring. That can be anything from $300 lingerie to that halter top you know he likes to that hooker costume from halloween to being buck naked and quivering in passion. Hair and make-up, natch. Making the effort shows you're serious, and that you take him seriously.
Fourth, you can't talk about yourself. At all. No talk about work, kids, school, friends, family, symptoms, your problems, your hectic schedule, your impossible workload -- once you commit to a GFE, it's all about how much you think of him. It's not about you (even though it's entirely about you). Talk about him -- how sexy he is, how much you admire and respect a man that _________ (and make sure he does _______ or it will get weird). And touch him. Undress him, caressing every part that gets uncovered. Play with his non-penile erogenous zones. Kiss him. Lots. But don't talk to him like a wife, treat him like a hot new boyfriend you really want to impress.
Fifth, since you, the woman, took the initiative, you, the woman, are in control. The passive nature of the GFE for the man is part of the allure of the experience. The feeling of power, joy, and confidence a man feel with some dainty digits wrapped around your dick is exquisite, but so is just sitting there and allowing an expert to perform.her best effort to bring you pleasure. It's up to you to decide how long, how hard, how deep, and when it's time to finish him off and how. Let him have that moment of sublime passivity before you bring him back to reality.
Sixth, try altering your appearance a bit if you feel he might react funny to his wife making affirmations of his studliness like a teenage girl who just thinks he's dreamy. Consider a wig of a highly contrasting color, for example, a departure in your choice of wardrobe, even re-arrange the furniture in the living room to provide an air of novelty. Lingerie is highly recommended, anything from Demure Little Angel to Biker Slut In Heat. A little dirty talk, an alias (I like the "Evil Twin" move), or a long, nasty story while you work his crank is ideal. You want to engage his sexual imagination, not merely make him cum.
Seventh, make sure you tell him over and hover how hot he makes you. Yeah, we know it sounds kind of lame. Do it anyway. It helps. We tell you those pants don't make you look fat, don't we? Turnabout.
Eighth: when the inevitable explosion comes, don't grimace, make a face, or otherwise express anything but the utmost joy of providing relief for your special dude. It sucks to have a good GFE experience ruined when the women jumps up screaming "OH, GROSS!" like an ex of mine did (may she suffer an eternal yeast infection). Even if you don't swallow, at least act happy while it spurts everywhere. It cleans up pretty easy, y'know. Then kiss him and tell him how much you love him and appreciate him, and how happy you were to do that for him.
Nine: Go away.
That sounds harsh, but like the esteemed Charlie Sheen between bouts of pornstars and Winning!, "You don't pay hookers for sex. You pay hookers to go away after sex." As turned on as the GFE might make you (and it just might), part of its allure is the utter lack of expectation in the aftermath of the scene. You made him cum spectacularly, and now you have to run a few errands or take a shower or something. DO NOT use his condition of spiritual repose as an opportunity to ask about the direction of the relationship, how good you were (he came, didn't he?) or whether or not this means that you can go shopping this weekend with your mother. Just . . . go away. Not for a long while, but for long enough for your dude to appreciate your gift in solitude.
Now, once you return from your errands or whatever, you very well may find your dude an affectionate and devoted dynamo able and willing to do whatever you need him to. The GFE has the spiritual equivalent of a 4ct. diamond ring he bought you "just because I love you". It earns you serious Girlfriend Points, as well as serious Wife Points.
Because that's the goal: to get your Husband to treat you as his girlfriend temporarily, and then segue back into "normal" routines. The GFE is a fantasy, after all -- those whores are so much better at being "good girlfriends" than you ever were, because that's their job. They don't feel as awkward as you as you're telling him how big he is (or probably giggle as much), they have mad skills that come only from long practice on a variety of dicks, and most of them are pretty damn hot, objectively speaking.
So consider it. Surprise your dude with a custom-fitted GFE some night, particularly if he's been bugging you about sex but you haven't felt "comfortable" enough for whatever reason. Rock his world like you're 19, then scamper off and let him do what he does . . . and you will have made him among the happiest of men. Without recourse to prostitutes.
I mean, what husband is going to spend $300 he doesn't have to on a handjob in a hotel room when he has a hot, horny girlfriend at home (who looks just like his wife)? You have to have Charlie-Sheen level money to afford the high end. And I know plenty of wives who would just as soon whack off hubby at home for half that much.
Y'know. Just to make it interesting.