Thursday, November 21, 2013

The Wife Test: Domesticity

It’s amazing how many women don’t really understand that “wife” is a job description, not a title.

One of the key components of being a wife is being a homemaker.  That isn’t to say that housework therefore is her responsibility, only that one of the things a man seeks and finds value in when he is looking for his wife is someone with whom he can make a home.  Even in our post-industrial take-out culture a man wants to feel that he’s coming home to his wife, not going to the apartment where he sleeps with his roommate.

Many women these days, thanks to feminism’s dark shadow, have equated domesticity with slavery, for some reason.  They look with disdain on their grandmothers and great-grandmothers who saw value in building a home fit to raise children in.  As women have entered and come to dominate the workforce, they proudly eschew the domestic skills that are their maternal legacy in favor of corporate achievement and “personal fulfillment”. 

But a man who is serious about taking a wife wants a wife worth taking.  And a woman who cannot manifest her domesticity is a poor bet for the position, regardless of how hot she is or how impressive her resume is.

What is domesticity?  Simply put, it’s the discipline and art of building and developing a comfortable and attractive home for your family.  It is a task shared between husband and wife, ideally speaking, but just as a husband’s primary duty is to secure the home, the wife’s primary duty is to make it worth securing.  That doesn’t mean scanning Pinterest for hours until you have just the right catalog numbers, that means investing the hours of study, planning, and execution necessary to slowly convert the house you live in into an enjoyable home.

So how does one measure domesticity?  How does one wrap a rule around warmth and charm?  Can modern men even recognize it for what it is when they see it, or appreciate it properly when it is called to
their attention?
As part of the vetting process for your future bride, pay careful attention to a few key factors that may indicate her domestic inclinations.  In particular, be on the lookout for the following:

·                    Houseplants.  Not everyone has a green thumb, but most domestically-inclined women tend to collect houseplants.  Their condition will tell you a lot about her domesticity.

·                    If she has a pet, look to see how well she cares for it.  While the Manosphere disparages the Cat Lady, kitties do have the advantage of showing you just how attentive a woman can be to the task of keeping it properly.  A woman without much domestic inclination will often have a messy litter box or feeding area.  Dogs are even better for judging this.

·                    Is the art and decoration in her place personal, professional, or commercial?  A woman with a well-founded sense of domesticity will often have art of a personal nature, or reflective of her domestic aspirations.  Professional art demonstrates taste and culture, but could also signal aspirations of affluent status that could be contra-indicative to domesticity.  Commercial or popular art shows an investment in her social presentation, which isn’t exactly non-domestic, but it does show that she’s subject to social pressures.  If she has a Twilight poster in her room, for instance, that is telling.  And not particularly domestic.  A good mixture of all three demonstrates balance, and how they are presented will tell you how she feels about herself and her home.  An ambitious display of aphorisms and affirmations demonstrates a low self esteem and idealism more suited to corporate life than domesticity. 

If her place lacks art entirely . . . go for a one-night stand and move on.  Nothing to see here.

·                    Décor.  It doesn’t have to look like a magazine article, but are you comfortable when you go to her place?  Are the colors jarring and discordant, or warm and comfort-building?  Does she even care about the décor, or is she blatantly utilitarian?  A couple of small touches that are designed to make a noticeable difference indicate a good domestic sense.  If she has brick-a-brack, what kind and how much?  Collections of clowns, angels, kittens, frogs or ducks are generally warning signs.  Displays of her childhood and teenage achievements, family photos, and tasteful presentation are all good signs.  If you don’t understand why something is there, ask her.  If she doesn’t have a funny story or anecdote about it, that doesn’t bode well.

·                    Does she cook?  While culinary skills are no guarantee of domesticity, and their lack does not mean a lack of domestic impulse, they are nonetheless a fair indicator of her inclinations.  Mrs. Ironwood hates cooking, but that doesn’t make her any less domestic.  If a woman has a decent set of cooking utensils, actual ingredients in her refrigerator, and a pantry that contains shortening, flour, and yeast, those are good signs.  Her offering to cook you a meal within the first three dates is also a good sign.  Even if you plan on cooking for your future family, as I do mine, ensuring your future bride knows her way around the kitchen is highly recommended.

·                    Does she have people over?  There is a decidedly social component to domesticity.  Women who build nice homes want to show them off and claim the points.  If your prospective wife doesn’t ever entertain, then one potential reason is her lack of domesticity.

   ·                 Does she know her neighbors and their names?  Corporate drones can live next to someone for ten years and never know their names.  Domestically-inclined women want to know who lives around them.

·                    How often does she change her sheets, and is her laundry up to date?  Do her towels match? Piles of dirty clothes and perpetually-drying laundry are bad signs.  Clean towels and sheets are good ones.

·                    Is she careful to lock up when she leaves and not leave windows unlocked?  If she is not that conscientious about her home, she’s not going to be about yours.  Being security conscious is a domestic ability.

·                    Is her trash and recycling in order, or is it overflowing? 

·                    Has she done anything toward the presentation of her front door?  Domestically-conscious women are as into making the entrance of their homes attractive as socially-conscious women are at making an entrance.

How can you actively challenge her domesticity?  Here’s a few ways:

1.                  Tell her to make you a pie . . . but don’t give her any more details than that.  See how she approaches the matter.  If she refuses outright, get used to a lot of take-out.  If she buys pre-paid shells and fills them out of a can, or buys frozen pie, then she might be teachable, but probably not.  If she sees it as a challenge and cranks out a homemade apple pie made with fresh Granny Smiths and lard, then you have a winner.  Make sex noises while eating pie.

2.                  Ask her how she would plan your sister’s/niece’s/cousin’s emergency wedding for sixty people next weekend with a budget of $2000.  See what she comes up with.  A corporate zombie will snort and say hire someone.  A domestic goddess will have a themed action-plan and budget projections put together in an hour.

3.                  On a whim, go see a house for sale together.  As you go from room to room ask her how she would decorate it.  Along the way find out whether she would prefer city or country life, and what style of house she wants.  If nothing else, the idea of seeing a house as a “just pretend” exercise will get her thinking about your potential as a husband and start the panty-dampening process.  Plus you’re there, in a big ol’ empty house with no one else around.  You’ve got a 50/50 shot at a quickie if you have decent Game.  More, if the house is affluent enough.

4.                  Check out her mother’s place.  Domesticity isn’t hereditary, but if her mother has a strong domestic streak, then it might just be dormant in her fit of corporate rebellion from gender stereotypes.  Put a ring on it and she often goes the way her mom did.  So see how comfy your potential future mother-in-law’s place is and keep that in mind.

Even a strong sense of domesticity is no guarantee of a happy life or a good wife, but without it your marriage will suffer.  Perhaps terminally.  Figure out in advance what levels of domesticity you crave in your future and then screen accordingly.  Or get used to Lean Cuisines around the television, bub, and occasional nights of lackluster sex.  Because in my experience there is a correlation between domesticity and approachability for lusty shenanigans. 

Once the dishes are done, of course.


  1. I love these pictures.

    There just so damn awesome. Why don't they make stuff like this nowadays?

    The people who made these pictures really love and enjoy women.

    1. Haha. They've got me reconsidering my aversion to the permanent wave.

  2. The only thing 'domestic' about the overwhelming majority of women in this country is that they were born here.
    Caveat emptor.

  3. I love the suggestion to tell her to bake you a pie and then wait to see what she does. It's like reverse fitness testing.

  4. ....mmmmmmmmmmmmm.... dishes......

  5. "What is domesticity? Simply put, it’s the discipline and art of building and developing a comfortable and attractive home for your family."

    Wrong. It's drudgery, and mindless busy work carried out with no return on theeffort and no thanks. The sort of thing that outside the home is called drifting in a dead end job with a boss laughing up his sleeve that he's got someone with that stupid to work for him. Domesticity is like being able to push a shovel or a broom outside. Useful, but without much kudos attached.

    1. This is odd...your description of "domesticity" sounds a lot like the description of being a husband and father in this modern and misandric society of today. A job that is now back-breakingly expensive, exhausting, increasingly hazardous, and thankless to the extreme -- along with the near-certain likelihood of being unjustly jailed at any time for any reason or no good reason whatsoever, plus being legally slandered and robbed of home, children, all of your belongings, and at least half of your life's income (and only if you're 'lucky').
      Small wonder that it has also become a job which I (along with increasing numbers of men) refuse to have ANYTHING to do with. It would be safer for any man wanting this 'job' to just juggle a couple of rattlesnakes until the feeling passes...

    2. Spot on. What Ian has written above sounds like a job description for a slave/skivvy/dogsbody. Nobody in their right senses, of either sex, would sign up for the domestic drudge/wageslave model of marriage. Its laughable to expect that men or women would walk into this game based on any of this. Man or woman, you would have to be unusually stupid to think this is a good idea.

  6. Hi! sorry for being off-topic but I read around your blog and there is a lot of useful stuff about behaving towards women, which I hope to use later, but what I am really looking for right now is some advice about behaving towards other men. I have been a shy boy growing up and frequent moving around the country added to my isolation. While now I have most parts of my life handled, I still don't have a group of male friends to hang out with, and I yearn for that acceptance and belonging that comes from it, but I don't really understand the dynamics. I don't get rejected but I never really click with other men and the interaction fizzles and we go our separate ways.

    I'd a appreciate some advice or links to some articles because tbh I really have no idea where to begin identifying my problem or even what to type in the google search box. If it matters I am 21 y o. thanks

  7. Yeah because it's not like men non stop sending women back to kitchens and to make sandwitches in an insulting manner, I really wonder who made women to look at those things as a salvery, men themselves have made more women to join the workforce than any feminists ever have.

  8. People are projecting their own negative feelings on Mr Underwood's post-- he's not talking about scrubbing the "waxy yellow build-up" from the floors on a daily basis. Women's domestic skills bring harmony, comfort, and organization to the home. She may choose a laundry pick up service, or she may iron his shirts with starch on the cuffs and collars-- he's gonna appreciate her care-taking when he's got a Big Day and everything is perfect.

    It's not drudgery to make a happy home.

  9. If it's that big a deal, that important a day,or it really has to be perfect, a real alpha will do it themself. If she's helping on unimportant stuff, so what? You can do that yourself, or better still, hire someone on minimum wage to do the mindless crap for you. Why would you marry the laundty service or the toilet cleaner?

  10. I don't think this post is so much about "the drudgery" and more about keeping a home you can be proud of. If you aren't proud of your place, how can he be? How can he invite his boss for dinner, or entertain his family at the holidays?

    It only feels like drudgery if you let it, and a good mate will show appreciation where it is due.

    As a working woman with an active social calendar, I worry sometimes how my rather sparse apartment is seen by potential mates. I don't have a lot of "Stuff" and am very selective about what comes into my place. That being said it's reassuring to hear that having stories about your things, a functional kitchen, and general neatness can be seen so positively.

    Also, the frilly apron. Every man who has ever been to my apartment commented on the frilly apron hanging in my kitchen... ;-)

    1. I'm married but from frequent moving and my absolutely fear of being a hoarder like my mom (seriously think those TV shows with boxes piled to the ceiling with little paths between them), I have a very sparse place too. I think it's just probably better to have a wide open space than one of those over packed homes where every area is jam packed with any and all furniture they could fit in there:/

  11. Oh and in this day of the "information age" where a quick google search can yield a million step by step, dumbed down to the smallest detail with pictures and full video demonstration recipes online, not knowing how to make a pie from scratch is pretty scary, for either gender. Seriously:/

  12. #4 is one of my main motivations to be a better person. I never want to be like my mother, she is very nearly the living personification of a feminist except for the lack of cats.

  13. Domesticity is drudgery? Not in my eyes! I'm a full time mother and a happy wife who enjoys homemaking and all the 'dogsbody' tasks that come with it.
    I'm not saying I wake up in the morning and think "yay! I get to clean the bathroom and do laundry today!! Lucky me!" but I get up and do it because I love my husband and my kids.
    My husband works very hard to support our family, and never complains about the long hours or the commute into work, he does it because he loves us. I also work very hard for our family, I don't complain about the long hours or the boredom. I get on with it because I love him and our kids.
    And I can cook a mean pie.
    I'm no skivvy or dogsbody, I'm not looking for kudos or a medal, I'm definitely not 'unusually stupid'. I'm a very happy, lucky and contented wife who enjoys her life.
    Ps. The sex is freaking awesome too.

  14. The women bitching about housework here are LAZY. That and the misandric divorce courts cause many of us to devote our time to pump-and-dump instead of looking for a women to build a home with. You don't do your part then you're not worth it.

  15. Jim, what men don't seem to consider is this ...

    I grew up in the 1960s and 1970s and none of the husbands came home from their full-time jobs and did the housekeeping or cooked dinner. And no one called those husbands "lazy" for not doing those things.

    Yet, now we expect women with full-time careers to do so. And then we wonder why they're tired or why the housekeeping often doesn't measure up to former standards.

    Anyone who works 40+ hours per week and just wants to come home and relax is not lazy.

    1. But those husbands did plenty of things not considered "housework" at the time -- or now -- that should be. Like pushing a lawnmower, painting, car repair, home maintenance and repair, paying bills, arranging financing, dealing with taxes, and whatever else needed to be done. They may not have scrubbed the toilets, but they fixed them when they were broken. And they mowed that damn yard every week like clockwork.

      I know plenty of single career women. Most have only a tithe of the housework their grandmothers did, yet they complain incessantly about it. They tend to sub out the home repair, landscaping, and auto maintenance (and pay a premium for doing so) and then crow about what great service they are getting.

      So . . . why the hell would a dude look at a career woman who whines about vacuuming and overpays for her oil change and think "yeah, she's wife material!"? That's the issue, I think.

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