But when was the last time you actually devoted time to indulging in that? With your spouse?
I get a lot of emails from frustrated husbands attempting to break their Beta habits and bring some real Alpha back into their marriages. After working on becoming more dominant, personally, fixing some of the structural issues in their marriages, and learning some elementary Married Game, a lot of dudes get . . . stuck. They run through the introductory elements of Game fairly quickly, even get some good results, but then . . . they start to run out of ideas.
One vital aspect of keeping your Red Pill marriage going is cultivating a healthy sexuality. That doesn't just mean pounding the missus into oblivion at will, it means nurturing your own sexuality, learning and understanding your wife's personal sexuality, and then encouraging the positive growth of the marriage's sexuality. While that might seem to be a lot of pressure, it's actually just good old-fashioned relationship maintenance.
Recently, Mrs. Ironwood and I took a weekend vacation to the Appalachians, renting an adorable tiny cabin just outside of Asheville, NC, complete with stunning view, absolute privacy, and a hot tub on the porch. Celebrating a thoroughly Appalachian Spring in a thoroughly and lustfully pagan fashion is an established ritual for us, and these "pagan rites" weekends are vital to the health of our relationship (as well as the subject of a forthcoming post).
But while we were in our mountain cabin, we eschewed the standard electronic entertainments available (wifi, satellite TV, DVD) in favor of our own private erotic art show. In fact, we turned it into a game with deliciously surprising results.
Here's what you do: select one or more of the following VERY NSFW tumblr sites featuring erotic art - and I've tried to include everything from the extremely tasteful to the outrageously tasteless, for reasons that will become apparent. Find one that you think will suit both of your sensibilities.
Then give her a set time to look through the site and download, to a special file, any of the pictures she feels
are particularly sexually exciting. Have her pick a set number (we did 100) and then it's your turn. You go through and do the same thing, saving them in a different file.
At an appropriate time (as foreplay or afterplay), have her pull up her file and play it as a slideshow. Comment on what commonalities you see in her selections, and don't be afraid to ask her WHY she likes a particular piece. "I dunno, I just think it's kinda sexy" is an acceptable answer.
A couple of ground rules:
1. Don't judge. If you find something that's objectionable to your sexuality, that's not a sign of incompatibility . . . it's valuable intelligence on the sorts of things that get your woman off. While it might not be YOUR thing, it's part of HER thing, and even if you don't want to necessarily participate.
2. Don't criticize. If you like something and she does, or vice versa, chalk it up to a healthy difference in perspective and move on.
3. Don't obsess. If she adds a picture of a heavy bondage fantasy, don't assume that she wants to be woken
4. Discuss. Talk about the commonalities, the differences, and the multitude of ideas that erotic art can inspire. This isn't mere porn - this is Art. While it is, technically, designed to inspire an erotic response, it's also supposed to inspire other emotions and feelings. Discuss those, too, not just what makes you horny.
5. Get some! If you and your spouse do discover a few pieces you have in common, consider having them professionally printed, matted, and framed for your bedroom or snuggery. Every marital bedroom should have some tasteful erotic art - this is a way for you to discover some in common.
SFW: Oldcarguy41 (where I got most of my "good stuff" for the blog!)
Remember, you may find some of these images shocking. In fact, if you don't, perhaps you should consider professional help. The truth is most of what you see won't appeal to you, but the point is to find what does, and what appeals to your spouse, as well. Appreciate the differences even as you enjoy the commonalities . . . and realize that a healthy sexuality takes a lifetime of careful cultivation.