Monday, December 31, 2012

Red Pill Resolutions

All right.  It's New Year's Eve.  You've been reading this blog for a while, now, or blogs like it, and you're considering taking the Red Pill.

That's a scary proposition, I understand.  The Blue Pill is so much easier . . . all you have to do is sit back, develop a thick skin, and hope that intentions count for more than performance.  The Red Pill is hard, hard work.  It's hard to start, it's hard to keep going, and (eventually) it's hard to stop.  Transformative shit is like that.

Perhaps you've just been reading, thinking about it, pondering how your life would be different if you took the Red Pill for real . . . instead of just thinking about it.

Maybe things aren't so bad for you.  Maybe you're just feeling discouraged because the missus is more involved in her 50 Shades of Grey book than she is you.  Maybe you're staring at middle age and are wondering if you could have done things differently . . . and realize that this might be your last opportunity to do anything differently.

Perhaps you've felt badgered and ordered-around and softly dominated in your marriage under the banner of "equality", and you've just had enough and want a change . . . but not too much of a change.

And that's the challenge of the Red Pill for the Blue Pill Beta: do you put at risk everything you have and everything you have built for the possibility of something better . . . or the possibility of losing it all?

I was in your shoes a little over a year ago.  That's when I started my own Red Pill experiment.  I read Athol Kay's Married Man Sex Life and the other Manosphere blogs, and I decided that I would take the Red Pill and plunge ahead, even though my marriage was solid and my sex life was far above average.

It's been a year now.  Tomorrow marks the first anniversary of the first real dose of Red Pill in my house.  How are the results?

First, the sex: married sex went from "far above average" to "plentiful"; sexual style went from "boring married people sex" to "bells and whistles".  Strength and security of the relationship: increased dramatically.

Second, the subsidiary effects on my household: children do chores more readily and easily, now that they know "Daddy doesn't play".  Grades for two of my little geniuses went way up.  The third is a work in progress, but I expect he always will be.  Think Sheldon from The Big Bang Theory, only with a much stronger libido (for a 13 year old).

Third, the subsidiary effects on my work performance: team is above goal, personal performance review improved, bosses generally happier with me (not that they were ever unhappy with me -- I'm quite charming).

Fourth, the subsidiary effects on my other interpersonal relationships: stronger bond with male friends and relatives, less tolerance for female friends and relatives' general bullshit.  Increased position within the Male Social Matrix, accordingly.

That's four damn good reasons to consider the Red Pill.  A year on, it's been one of the best decisions of my adult life.

So consider it.  Buy a copy of MMSL and Athol's other book(s), memorize the key points, and start re-inventing yourself for 2013.  Start tomorrow, with some Red Pill resolutions.  And if you've had a hard time figuring out just what you can do to up your Alpha and break your Beta chains, here's a jump start.  I've been asked many times to re-post this list, from a comment I made about my 50 Shades post, and I think this is the best place for it, augmented and edited.

If you want to swallow the Red Pill and inject some more Alpha into your life, here's a place to start:

Start paying far more attention to what women do than what they say.

Walk into the joint like you own it.

Work out like your life depends on it.

Start telling, stop asking.

Have at least one nice suit that you have had tailored to fit you properly.

Take charge. No one is going to give you permission to lead.

Make breakfast for everyone on a Sunday without being asked or told.  Designate who will clean up.

Start thinking of yourself as a valuable asset, not an appendage to a woman.

Get your hair cut by a real professional stylist at least twice a year.
Start valuing your own desires and respecting your own sexuality.  Don't be ashamed of wanting to screw.

Forget "equality".  Focus on "equilibrium".

Buy a black fedora and rock it hard.

Demonstrate courage, even if you're scared shitless.  No one needs to know just how scared you are.

Be "the most interesting man in the world".

Cultivate a guilty pleasure or a minor vice.  Sure, it isn't good for you...but it's your decision.

Walk around like you have a broadsword on your hip.
Be able to listen thoughtfully, even if you think the speaker is full of shit.  Opportunity can be a subtle thing, and if you don't recognize it before it's gone, it never existed.

Talk to strange women and don't be afraid of a little light flirting.

Stand up straight.  Straighter.

Make your bed, every morning.  It's where you have sex, and you should respect your stage.  (I did this for two months before Mrs. Ironwood caught on.  Now if I don't make the bed, she thinks something is wrong.)

Don't be confident -- be overconfident.  Irrationally overconfident.

Never diminish the penis.  Your junk is so big it's awe-inspiring.  Be willing to fight anyone who says differently.

Call your mother every Sunday.

Be able to change a tire or jump a car on demand.

Solemnly thank veterans for their service.

Become proficient at arms of some sort.

Test drive a sports car.

Tell your wife where you both will be dining, don't ask her where she wants to eat.

Sing loudly in the shower or car without caring who hears.

Pay more attention to what you wear, even if you're just working in the yard.

Split some wood.  When you get sweaty, take off your shirt.

Be unafraid to look at and appreciate a good-looking woman, and be able to do it without being labeled "creepy".

Complain about the cooking when it's bad.

Praise the fellatio when it's good.

Be able to drop a compliment at an instant's notice.

Learn how to tie five new knots.

Have a picnic date pre-prepared in the trunk of your car at all times.

Learn how to speak Italian, at least the dirty words.

Do something no one else knows about, and take satisfaction from that.

Get your shoes shined by a guy who does it for a living at least once in a while.

Overtip when the service is truly outstanding.  And mention it to the manager.

Pay an older woman a compliment and then flirt with her outrageously.

Pay a young girl a compliment and then Game her until she giggles.

Go play pool in a really sketchy dive.  

Know the appropriate occasions and weather in which to wear a tuxedo.

Take guitar lessons.

Know the proper form of address for a sitting monarch, noble, or diplomat.

Be a good loser.

Figure out your favorite manly drink and instantly ask for it at the bar.

Be succinct.  If you can't say it in one sentence, then consider if it needs to be said.

Wait for the idiot to run out of things to say before you get started on why they're wrong.

Pick something off the menu in the first three minutes and don't worry about whether or not you should have gotten the fish.

Be observant of human behavior enough to determine whether or not someone is lying.  Bluffing is a great skill to have . . . and a lousy skill to lack.

Tell her she has beautiful eyes.  It's never untrue.

Know at least one sport inside and out.  Me, I got dibs on Ice Dancing.  Yes, Ice Dancing.  You fucking wanna fight about it?

Figure out if you're a beer man or a liquor man and don't pick up a Zima even if there's a gun to your head.

Know how to identify poison oak, ivy, and sumac.

Read at least one book written in the last year.

Sit on your front porch and watch the sun set, just because you want to.

Write a letter to your wife.  In longhand.  On stationary.  Mail it to her.

Read a classic in public without shame or fear.

Stay in the game even if you've got a shitty hand, and play it like it's pocket aces.

Show respect to other men for their age, their experience, their reputation, and/or their record.  But never mention that to them -- you don't want to look like a brown-noser.  

When you switch from cunnilingus to intercourse, do her hard for ten minutes and then go back to cunnilingus until you're damn well good and ready to continue with screwing.  A man's gotta eat.

Make up private nicknames for her boobs.  Tell her, if you want.

Learn how to throw a punch that lands accurately and with sufficient force.

Learn how to take a punch.

Rock a bow-tie.  But only if you know how to tie one.

Go out of your way to cross a room to tell a woman how attractive you find her, and compliment her on one thing she clearly worked very hard on.  Then recede from view without revealing your name.  

When someone says "that's sexist!" shrug and say "I'm OK with that."

Practice your free throw.

Call your dad and ask him what he would do, even if you already know the answer.

Sew your own buttons on your shirts.  Even prisoners can do it.
Imagine a better way to state the problem, then make the asshole on the team see reason even if you have to beat him to death in the men's room.

Be able to sing one song or tell one amusing anecdote in public and do it well.

When you shake hands, be the guy with the stronger grip.

Know how to drive a fucking nail without looking like an amateur.  Practice, if necessary.

When a woman tells you she's a feminist, grin broadly and say "Really? Seriously?" and then shake your head and walk away laughing.

Play a game with a bunch of little kids.

Play cards or chess with an old dude and discover his wisdom.  But don't wager -- those old guys are vicious.

Create some art, just because you can.

Know enough about wine to converse on the subject intelligently, without pretending to know stuff you don't.  You probably aren't a "wine dude" -- you probably can't afford to be -- but being able to discuss a bottle with the sommalier in a restaurant is a key Alpha skill.  Feel free to finish the conversation with "I trust your professional judgement".

Go to a minor league baseball game and shout at the pitcher.

Tell her she's pretty and try to mean it.

Learn how to ballroom dance, even the hard ones.  The Tango, alone, is worth the expense.

Build a shed.  From scratch.

You know that dude from college you're Facebook friends with, but haven't actually spoken to in years?  Call him on his birthday.  Find out what he's really been up to.

Stay up all night watching TED talks, and let your head spin.

Tell your kids what you expect, when you expect it, and what will happen if it doesn't happen.  Then follow through.

Mean what you say.  Say what you mean.

Suggest anal, even if you know she's going to decline.

Take your mother-in-law out for lunch, but don't tell your wife about it.  

Talk baby-talk to a dog or cat.  They don't mind.  And chicks dig it.

Learn how to say no.  Don't apologize, don't sound evasive or regretful, just 'no'.  Or 'no, thank you'.

Use profanity only limitedly . . . but when you do use it, mean it.

Know who your great-grandparents were, where they came from, and what they did with their lives. 

Be able to build a campfire you can light with one match.  Practice, if necessary.

Know which way North is . . . all the time.

Know how to hold a baby and always be willing to pick one up without regard to how expensive or freshly-laundered your clothing is.  Baby-spit is invisible.

Always compliment a mother on how her baby looks, no matter how ugly the kid is. 

Write your father's eulogy.  Then write your own.  It's good practice.

Learn at least one simple magic trick you can use to entertain a crowd of 8 year-olds.

Cultivate at least three good heroes from history and know about them, exhaustively.  And no, you can't use JFK or Lincoln.  Too easy.

Read your state's Constitution, and know how it differs from other states and the Federal constitution.  

Learn how to iron, if you don't know how.  No man should make someone else iron his shirts.

Prepare your family for the Zombie Apocalypse.  

Bargain for something, not just a new car.  Learn how to haggle like a middle-eastern spice merchant.  Sure, you're gonna get screwed . . . at first.

Memorize the winning poker hands.

Buy your wife flowers for no reason.  It will confuse the hell out of her.  Bonus points for having them delivered to her office.

If you're clean-shaven, grow a beard or mustache.  If you have a beard, shave it for a few months.  Change is good.

Cultivate a good manly nickname.  Note: "T-Bone" is for douchebags.

Know how to insult your best friends good-naturedly.

Make a cheesecake, from scratch, just 'cause.

Spend fifty bucks on something that can make you a hundred bucks.  Then follow through.  Repeat until you're a millionaire.

Open a beer bottle with a lighter, a quarter, the edge of the table, or with anything that isn't actually a bottle opener.  If you're drinking beer with screw-caps, get a life.

Get Red Cross CPR certified.  Take a First Aid course, too.  

Practice predicting a woman's dress and boobs size.  Become proficient.

Get a friend laid.  You know you want to.

Make someone's wish come true anonymously.  It makes you feel powerful and noble.

Learn how to give an outstanding massage.  That means more than thirty minutes and using plenty of lotion or oil.

Cultivate an "evil twin" persona for your spouse -- someone who does stuff you would never, ever do in bed.  You know how nasty those evil twins are.

Practice your smile in front of the mirror.  Most dudes' smiles look like they're getting a rectal exam.  Know how to smile for the camera.

Learn to unhook a bra with one hand.  Sure, it's high school level, but when was the last time you did it?

Learn how to drive a stick-shift, if you don't know already.  If you do, learn how to drive a motorcycle instead.

Call out a woman you aren't sleeping with on her bullshit.  That includes your mother or sister.  Your wife is a different matter -- you have to call her out on her bullshit very carefully.

If another guy calls you out on your apparent "sexism", ala Hugo Schwyzer's "Dude, that's not cool!", reply with a simple "isn't it time to change your tampon?"  Remind him that men decide for themselves what they think is cool, they don't rely on bullshit peer-pressure from vapid deltas whose opinion they didn't respect to begin with.  If a dude can't take your honest assessment of a situation without screeching about sexism, he's mislaid his testicles and likely his value to you as a friend.  Calling you out like that isn't displaying courage, it's displaying disloyalty.  That should be noted . . . and remembered.

If a woman busts you checking her out, and tries to bust your balls about it in public, proclaim loudly "Sorry!  I just thought you were the most attractive transexual I've ever seen!" and walk away before she can form a reply.

Learn how to lie convincingly.

Hug a child, and don't reprove a boy for hugging you for comfort or in happiness.  High fives are for home runs and homework -- real achievement requires a properly-delivered manly embrace.

Have a plan when you start the day, and don't revise it unless you have a compelling reason.

Be able to recognize a compelling reason to revise your plan, and do so without regrets or recriminations.

If you don't have a mission, find one.

Make a goal of having something -- one thing -- accomplished by the end of the week that will improve your life or the life of your family.  Make that thing happen by the deadline.

If your taxes aren't done, your car needs to be inspected, or your lawn needs to be mowed you have work to do.  Structural stability is sexy.

Break your television for a week.  See if you really miss it.

Consider a tattoo.  

Surprise your wife for lunch.

Know how to install a light fixture without calling anyone for help.

Grow a plant and take care of it without any help from anyone, particularly your wife.

Ensure that all of your smoke detectors work and are powered, that your doors and windows all lock securely, and that you have a spare house key stashed somewhere where you can get to it outside.

Learn how to take harsh criticism without being offended, and be able to take an insult gracefully.

Back up your computer, and make a rescue disk.

Buy a pocket knife and learn how to sharpen it.  Carry it with you religiously, along with a flashlight and a pocket screwdriver.

Go fishing.  Surprise your kid or take your wife, but drop everything and spend a few hours therapeutically drowning worms.  If you catch it, clean it and eat it.  

Learn how to properly and gently correct the behavior of other people's children without inspiring a challenge to their parenting.  This is tricky.

Learn how to lead.  It's not a natural talent, it's a learnable skill.  If you haven't learned it, you need to.  Being bossy isn't leadership.  Being indecisive isn't leadership.  BE THE CAPTAIN, and people will just naturally start treating you like the captain.

That's just a few places you can start adding a little Red Pill to your daily diet.  Learn who you are as a man, and inflict that on your personal universe without apology.  

Tomorrow is the first day of your journey . . . are you willing to risk it?

Happy New Year!


  1. While there's nothing wrong with this one: Praise the fellatio when it's good.

    I fear that leads to always praising the fellatio.

    'Cause I don't know about YOU, but I've never encountered bad fellatio, even when I've had to train them from scratch.

  2. Epic post. Will re-read this one.

  3. Thank you for reposting this - bookmarked and printed out for ongoing usage.

    A terrific New Year...

  4. Argh... too many... brain... melting...

  5. Reposting like crazy. Love love love. Happy New Year to the Ironwood Clan. :)

  6. I think I'll do a line-by-line response on how I'm doing...pretty well.

  7. I've only been about 2 years Red Pill aware. Thanks for this list. I'm going to tack it up to the wall of my cubicle to refer to on those back-sliding days when I feel like I've got one foot in the Matrix.