Monday, August 6, 2012

The Most Important Question A Young Man Has To Ask Himself

The Niece has acquired a Boyfriend.

That's not a problem -- she's of age, and she's adorably cute, so there's no reason why she wouldn't.  And luckily Boyfriend seems a decent enough guy.  I mean, he was able to take being threatened with violence by all three Ironwood brothers (Lester mentioned that he went ahead and dug a shallow grave as soon as he knew he had a daughter, in order to save time later on down the road) and Boyfriend still stuck around -- but like I said, she's adorably cute.

In fact, besides being currently unemployed (not unknown for a 19 yo in this economy) his biggest problem is that he is woefully lacking in Man Skills.  And he's terribly confused about his direction in life, which is also not unknown for a 19 year old. I won't speculate too much on how his father raised him, only that his paternal education had nothing to do, apparently, with tools, cars, or home repair.  He's not a product of divorce, just under-parenting by overly Progressive folks who didn't feel that learning how to check the oil or change a tire was important as caring and sharing.

But this puts me in an interesting position, that of mentoring this boy in the art of manliness.  And he needs remedial help.

This won't do for the boy responsible for dating my Niece.  I have high expectations, and a vengeful streak, and the last thing I want is a middle-of-the-night phone call to come change a tire because Boyfriend doesn't know how.  So I've had to learn him a thing or two before I'm comfortable with him as a potential mate for my niece.  Surprisingly, instead of being resentful and sullen, he has eagerly accepted my advice.  And one of the the first things I showed him was that Men discuss things better when we're working side-by-side, not talking face-to-face.

After one of these little work demonstrations (hey, free labor -- I'm not going to let a perfectly good white boy go to waste when I can use him) we were taking a break and we got on the topic of Life, Women, and Life With Women.  I was treading carefully, of course -- I didn't want him to break up with the Niece or anything, I liked the kid.  And the Niece would never forgive me.  So I try to slide a little Red Pill wisdom at him in easy-to-digest, bite-sized chunks.

Of course we eventually got philosophical on the subject.  But when he asked me what the most important question he should have at his age (quite an impressive question for him to ask, actually) I immediately knew the answer.

When a young man is planning out his life, and is envisioning the man he wants to become, the most fundamental question is this:

Do I want to be a father?

It's a heady question, especially one for a kid of 19.  Only a man his age has only been considered a "kid" for the last fifty years or so -- a century ago, he would have been married for three years and had two kids already.  So this is one of those relatively new, post-industrial questions that our generation is among the first to be able to ask.  And try to answer.

Do you want to be a father?  Do you want to have children?  Do you want to sanctify the sacrifices of your ancestors and justify their hopes and dreams by passing along your genetic legacy . . . or would you rather focus on your own pursuits, including getting laid . . . a lot?

The answer to that question is going to determine the course of your life, if you're wise.

If you do want to be a Dad, and you think you'd be good at it (feel free to solicit independent opinion on the subject -- you might not be the most objective judge of the matter), then every other decision you should make in your life should flow easily from that answer.  When you are out on the prowl, you are actively seeking the future Mother of your Children.  You are a Wolf Alpha (or enthusiastic Beta) in training.

All those guys you hang around who just want to hit-it-and-quit-it?  They're doing you a favor by screening out the blatantly unworthy.  While they're picking up and discarding the social climbers and the future ex-wives and entitlement princesses, they're also weeding out the future Wolf Alpha Females, most of whom aren't fooled by poorly delivered Game.  They're on the same track you are, looking for the future fathers of their children.

If you decide, unequivocally, that you do NOT want to be a father, then get thee to a urologist, go, and have thee a vasectomy.  Believe me, the reduction in stress alone will be worth the expense, and after that you can go play merry hod with the pussies in your neighborhood.

It seems simple enough, actually, but in fact most young men have only a vague idea what Fatherhood is all about, and even less idea about how to do it right.  Kids have been treated as an accessory for the woman-who-has-it-all for two generations, much to the detriment of the poor kids, and fatherhood has been belittled and denigrated and punished so viciously that there's no wonder why so many young men have no problem not wanting children of their own.  With no good role models of fatherhood around, why would they?  Look at popular culture: Homer Simpson, Peter Griffith, and the ever-lovable Raymond (who I never cared for) are blatant examples of how modern fathers are treated and portrayed: as ignorant buffoons whose wives have to rescue them from their own idiocy every week.

For some men it's an easy decision.  Not wanting kids is very emotionally freeing.  It allows you to focus on your own life, your own pleasure, without considering the consequences for the future.  You can look forward to sports cars, one-night-stands, all-night parties, free weekends, uninterrupted sporting events, and no pint-sized cockblockers running amok.  If you decide you don't want to be a Dad, then the world is your oyster.  And my kids have more resources.

But if you do decide you want kids, then every decision you make in your life has to be in support of that.  Even if you don't plan on having them for a decade, you still have to arm yourself with the tools and the skills necessary to be a good Dad.  And that includes hanging around successful fathers to pick up stray tips.

First tip: Pick a good mother.  The best mother you can.  And one you can stand to live with.  That means complementary skills, matching libidos, and a similar outlook on life.  Job skills are far less important, but being able to support herself demonstrates a base-line level of responsibility that's encouraging.

Second tip: Vet her thoroughly.  Road test her like she's a $100,000 sports car you're considering investing in.  Make certain there are no dealbreakers before you proceed with more than an ILY.

Third tip: if there are dealbreakers, go ahead and end it.  No matter how good the sex is, you need to turn her loose and keep searching.  That's what a lot of young men who want to be dads (and, not surprisingly, want to get laid) don't realize: they are the hot commodity, not the blonde with the big tits at the end of the bar.  Young men don't understand their own SMV these days, especially young men with fatherhood potential.  What they need to realize is that women, even potential mothers of your children, are fungible until you find the right one.  And she just may find you.  Indeed, the potential Mrs. Wolf Alpha is out there, hunting you.  There's no reason you need to stay with Ms. Hot-But-Not-Mama-Material any longer than necessary, as she is draining you of resources you will need later.

So how do you screen for a good mother for your children?  Oy, vey, proper wife selection is a topic worthy of a whole book on its own, and I'm sure I'll do a few posts in that direction.  But for now, if you have a young man in your life in need of direction, asking him to answer that question for himself is doing him a huge favor.  He doesn't need to make the decision on the spot, but too many young guys don't even think about it until the situation is forced upon them . . . or it's "too late".

What they need to realize is that they can afford to be picky.  Their sperm is viable into their 70s.  Once they've committed to someday becoming someone's Dad, on purpose, then they have a Mission.  And once a man has a Mission, most of the rest falls into place.


  1. He's a lucky man to have you as a mentor.

    My daughter is getting married next month. I'm giving serious thought to wedding gifts. My wife, of course, will handle the primary gift, the one that gets opened at the reception. But I'm thinking of a little "man to man" gift, quietly slipped to the groom with a few words. Specifically, I'm thinking of giving him a copy of Athol Kay's book, Married Man Sex Life. After all, I want him to keep my little girl happy.

    1. Beats the hell out of a flatware set.

      Seriously, get him the book. And the blog. Let him know you won't be offended if he stands up to your daughter -- and perhaps give him a few pointers how to do so without getting shivved in the middle of the night. Athol's new book might be a good idea, too.

      I'm kinda glad I have the Niece around, as a trial run for Daughter.

  2. Excellent post, Ian. Thank you. I was one of those weirdos that knew he wanted to have kids all the way back in high school. I can't tell you why but it was a feeling I knew I had.

    I was fortunate to find their mother and my wife and marry her when I was 21. Yes, I missed out on college revelry but I gained having kids at an early age and being able to keep up with them physically. I'm also looking forward to being 42 with both kids 18 and hopefully out of the house, leaving me and the missus some time to do things and still young enough to enjoy them...


  3. Now the real question... Introduce him to game???

    1. Honestly, I don't think he's ready for pure Game. I'm starting him on proto-Game, while letting him know what I expect of a young man dating my niece. I've mentioned the blogs and such, but he hasn't shown much interest.

      But I have mentioned that living in his van is a DLV. Hopefully that will sink in before she dumps him.

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