Monday, April 2, 2012

Your Alpha Presentation: It's About The Sex. And That's . . . Okay.

I wanted to address an issue someone brought to me in an email (with their permission).  It went, basically, like this:

"Hey, Ian!  All these Alpha Moves are great, but what if you aren't a 'true' Alpha?  Isn't this just wasting time pretending to be what your not?  I thought that's what Game was trying to get away from?"

The truth is, Game is not about becoming an Alpha, or at least not a Bull Alpha, with a harem and spinning plates and that other family in Reno.  Alphas are complicated, driven, often dysfunctional individuals who, while successfully playing out their mating strategies, are often destined to a long, lonely life in the wreckage of their own poor decisions.

Why would you want to be an Alpha?  For the poon, right?  I mean, you're here because you wanna get laid (bless your heart!).  And Alphas get laid.  Therefore we should all be Alphas, right?

Not right.

Ferd at Mala Fide tackled this same sort of issue today in a post called Can You See The Real Me?  It's about a common criticism of Game (both Single and Married varieties), that is, that a man who is "forced" to alter himself in order to attract a mate is somehow "degrading" himself by not presenting "the real me" for women to see . . . and reject.  Because that's what happens, the heart of the Feminist Beta Fallacy: "Women Like A Nice Guy, So Being A Nice Guy Will Get You Laid!"  In truth, being a Nice Guy doesn't get you laid, at least not consistently.  Not even with your own wife. Not if she's a normal woman.

But that doesn't mean you have to transform yourself into a Primal Alpha, living on whiskey and raw squirrel meat while you track down terrorists in Afghanistan and screwing six girls a week when you're on leave.  You don't have to be a corporate CEO or internet billionaire or sports star or celebrity dickhead.

Look, the world can't exist on Alphas alone.  They make great leaders, great organizers, great guys to have around in a crisis because their high stature often means that they are expendable for the good of the group.  The male lion defends the pride against danger while the lionesses escape with the cubs . . . but if he gets taken out, there will be another Alpha Cat along any time.

The world can't exists on just Betas, either, or Gammas, Deltas, or any of the other Greek letters.  The goal of Game is NOT to turn yourself into a Bull Alpha -- it's just one of the possible outcomes, for some latent Alphas who just need a nudge.  For most of the rest, it's where we turn when the best efforts of our "real selves" keep swinging and missing every time we're at bat.  Game is the secret we've been  missing, the magic we were never taught in our youth for fear of offending the Matriarchy:

The goal of Game is to affect an Alpha presentation in order to elicit the powerful sexual response in women that Alpha's enjoy, and take advantage of it.

"Affect an Alpha presentation" means, yes, not being the poor dumb schlub that you want women to love you for.  It means making yourself into the kind of men that women naturally love -- you're still you, just a "you" who knows the nuts and bolts of getting laid and staying laid.  It's like learning a martial art.  Knowing Kung Fu doesn't make you a Kung Fu master, it makes you a dude who knows Kung Fu.  It doesn't mean giving up your identity, it means taking responsibility for your identity and taking steps to improve areas in which you are inadequate or in need of development.

And for most guys (and this might come as a surprise to some of you ladies) the metric they use to determine whether or not they are in need of personal improvement is how much pussy they're getting.  Or not getting.

That's why Game is not a betrayal of yourself.  Learning Game doesn't mean you're abandoning the noble ideals and dreams and essential sense of self you've had all of your life.  It does not mean ditching your own moral code because you want to (gasp!) have a lot of sex.  It doesn't mean that you have to ignore your passion for ice dancing or your commitment to finding the perfect cup of coffee or the fact you cry at romantic comedies when no one else is around or any other legitimate emotional expression.

Learning Game simply means being able to use the tools and techniques that Alphas and the various Game gurus have perfected to pursue your own interests.  And we're not the ones who started this "affecting a presentation" bullshit, either.  Women did. Learning Game is no more a betrayal of your inner self than wearing makeup and high-heels is a betrayal of a woman's inner self -- she's just improving her presentation.

The Hamster runs double-time when you challenge a woman on her cosmetics, hair, and wardrobe.  Her rationalizations for why she goes through all of that trouble are complicated and obscure, but only the most sex-avoidant woman with no concern for her social placement would dare eschew basic make-up and wardrobe.  Whether it's because they "want to look attractive", "want to look cute", whether their "bowing to cultural expectations" or "I don't want to get shit from my girlfriends", whatever lame excuse they want to offer, women enhance their appearance -- essentially affecting a presentation -- every time they reach for the base.  Does a woman therefore "betray" her inner self?  Or is she simply taking advantage of a cultural idiosyncrasy to improve how much influence she has in her profession?
"As soon as I'm done putting on make-up and fixing my
 hair I'll explain to you why Game is inherently deceitful
and dishonest!"  

Properly understood and practiced, Game is like the masculine equivalent of a push-up bra, high-heels, and Spanx.  It's how we can best manage our own assets to affect as attractive and commanding a presentation as we are able to.  For some it's the most superficial of changes.  It doesn't mean changing who you are, after all, just how you do things and how you say things.  Would you consider yourself "unacceptably changed" by taking a Public Speaking course, like Toastmasters?  Would you feel demeaned by investigating and investing in a new wardrobe for a new job?  Would you feel that your very core of identity was challenged by knowing how to Win Friends And Influence People?  Of course not.

Still not convinced?

Remember your first job out of school?  You went in with a lot of misconceptions about employment in general and the crappy entry-level job you had in particular, and for the first few weeks your dumb-ass naivete quickly soured into the proper jaded outlook on life.  In other words, you learned the basic work-related culture and the proper cultural response.  It's the same with any new institution.  They all have their own internal rules, and until you learn them you're a fish out of water, awkward and fumbling.

Game is like that.  You need to learn and understand how the rules work, and once you do you won't be instantly transformed into a testosterone-poisoned Bull Alpha.  But you will understand how the Bull Alpha uses his natural Game to remove panties, and you will be able to use those same techniques yourself -- without that extra family in Reno or a six-figure income.  Because it's not yourself that you're changing, it's your presentation.

When you went to work that first time and wore that god-awful tie you got for graduation, you felt like a sham, didn't you?  A boy pretending to be a grown-up, or you worried that you were becoming your father, or you hated the thought of being a corporate drone, etc. etc. the point is you wore the shirt and tie and showed up and no one said shit to you about it because that is what is expected of you in your new context. You merely learned a new presentation, you didn't revamp your soul.  You were the same dude . . . you were just a dude that wore a tie five days a week and got a paycheck for your trouble.  All thanks to your effective presentation.

Some dudes new to the Red Pill worry that they're learning all this "manipulative psychological crap" to trick women into sleeping with them, and that makes them feel bad and deceitful because they've been on the Blue Pill for so long.  they have been told by women that they want you to "just be yourself" for so long that it has kept them second-guessing just who that was, and they were made to feel guilty about their sexual desires and how they might be wrongly interpreted that they naturally rationalize any proactive attempt at getting laid as "base" or "disrespectful to women", not to mention a betrayal of "the real you".  But as Ferd so pointedly observes, "the real you" is up to you, not anyone else, and who sees "the real you" and when is also up to you.

Your identity is just who you are at this particular moment in time. You’re not the same person you were ten years ago, and you won’t be the same person ten years from now. You won’t even be the same person six months from now. Oh sure, you may have the same name and see the world through the same set of eyes, but events in and out of your control permanently and slowly change you. Getting married and having children, losing your job, moving abroad, graduating from college, the death of your parents — all these and other events leave lasting marks on your soul. Game, along with self-improvement methods like the Paleo diet, are nothing more than ways of guiding your intellectual development in productive directions, taking charge of your life instead of just letting things happen to you.

Once you take control and responsibility over "the real you" and you recognize Game is a tool, not a betrayal, you can start to relax into the idea that it's perfectly okay for an adult male to seduce an adult female and not necessarily imply that he wants to spend the rest of eternity with her.  Or even call her the next day.  And that's perfectly in-line with the common masculine pursuit of sex in general and sex with multiple women in particular.

That same pursuit that feminism has repeatedly attacked and demonized, while it has also fully taken advantage of it in the trenches to facilitate hypergamy, is the one you are validating with Game.  Dudes want to get laid.  A lot.  It's one of our prime motivating functions, and in aggregate it seems far, FAR more important to dudes than it is with women.  Learning Game means accepting that without shame or fear.  And then pursuing it without regret or guilt.  Because it's still YOUR dick on the line, not anyone else's, and at the end of a long life you can imagine which provides more solace, the knowledge that you remained pure to your lofty ideals or the knowledge that you had just a ridiculous amount of sex.  Whichever one appeals to you most, go for it.  But it doesn't mean you're a bad person for wanting it and going after it.  Only the feminists and the archaic moralists think that.

Nor is discovering Married Game somehow a betrayal of the man your wife married.  In truth, as Ferd pointed out above, you're already no longer the man she married -- you've both grown and matured over the years.  Affecting an Alpha presentation (backed with a comfortable layer of Beta skills) isn't you suddenly "changing", it's you taking a different approach to an issue that was not responding to earlier efforts.  Some women are going to be hard-pressed to accept that -- once you stop being automatically deferent to them and start standing up to their shit-tests, resistance is natural and expected.  Accusations of "You've changed!" and horrified looks like you're a pod person who secretly replaced her pet Beta, just when she got him trained up right, are common.  Indeed, for many marriages such a period of confusion and instability over your new presentation is quite necessary before you begin truly feeling the effects of the Red Pill.

Once you understand that affecting a different presentation is something that you've done again and again over the course of your life, and that Game is just one more, albeit powerful, presentation in your toolkit, you can relax into the fact that telling your wife you want to bend her over and take her to pound town isn't disrespecting her in the slightest -- it's exciting her.  You didn't become an asshole to get sex, you affected a bolder presentation in order to entice her into it -- and if you do it right, she'll be eager, as well.  If she doesn't respond well, then you adjust your Game until she does, and if she resists ALL attempts at enticing her with Game, then you may have picked the wrong wife and might need to start over.  Which Game is great for.

Ferd also observes another important point:

Justifying your unwillingness to improve your life by claiming to be “authentic” or “being yourself” is just a lie you tell yourself to protect your ego. 
In other words, arguing for your limitations is the surest way to keep them.  An essential element of the Red Pill upon which all forms of Game are predicated is the idea of seeing things as they are, not as how we wish them to be.  "To be, rather than to seem", esse quam videri.  You can't learn Game and still see all creatures with vaginas as inherently Good and all creatures with penises as inherently Evil.  You must accept that yes, women can be heinous as hell when it comes to the hearts of men, and that assuming they are acting in good faith is the surest way to profound disappointment.

Telling yourself that your crappy presentation and poor social skills are just you being "authentic" is an argument in favor of your own ignorance and sloth.  Which in turn increases the Blue Pill fallacy that all women are special little snowflakes and that you are inherently Not Worthy of her vagina.  It's a self-fulfilling prophecy of loserdom that gives men reasons to hate other men.  And that's just . . . unmanly.

So don't see Game as "trickery" or lessons in how to fake your way into a girl's bed.  You aren't tricking her.  In fact, a core principal of Game is to say as little as possible, and keep your answers vague.  You are merely using her own sexuality against her, the same way a big pair of juggs can be used against you as a woman presses for advantage.  You're still a Nice Guy . . . you're just a Nice Guy who's determined to get laid, because getting laid is important to all guys, nice and otherwise.  You might not be a natural Alpha, but I wasn't a natural tennis player either -- I had to take lessons.  Now I'm a mediocre tennis player, but I haven't betrayed my "inner tennis player" or felt degraded because I wasn't naturally talented at tennis.

And that's the whole point: it's just a skill, just a tool, just a social technology used to secure something important to your well-being.  There's no shame in that, and there shouldn't be.

So brush up on your Game and go fuck someone.  C'mon, you know you want to.  Go ahead.  I don't judge. Or if I do, it's purely on technical terms.


  1. Hey Ian,
    I like the facts you present and since I took the red pill I see things way different and learned and improved a lot. I had the same problems and thoughts about manipulation and came to the same conclusion, she uses sex and T&A to get things, I use Game to get her... Great post.

    On a different note, I don't know how others feel, but your posts are way too long. I like to read a few blogs a day, usually while waiting for others at work or when the noodles are boiling. Problem is, you write so much, I have a hard time finishing your post "in time". MMSL is a little more to the point, maybe you can work on that a bit?
    Just my 2 cents.
    Great blog!

  2. Respectfully disagree with Mustache. I like the thorough posts you've been up to recently. They're useful to really flesh out an idea and articulate it well.

  3. Okay, have to smile about this one.

    You see, by nature I'm a novelist. It's been said that I can't write my name in less than five hundred words. And my current day-job requires that I be laconically concise, yet appeal to a mass market, so when I do have a thought on a subject that could benefit from a couple of thousand words, I tend to elaborate.

    However, I do try to encapsulate particularly long series of posts, like my posts on Marriage 1.0, etc., to get to the key concepts if folks need it. So if you like the first paragraph but don't want to hack through another couple of thousand words before you get to the punchline, just leave me a note to "bottom-line it", and I can accommodate.

    But I'll throw y'all short-attention span folks a bone every now and then with a short post, I promise.

  4. I like the length of your posts as they go into more detail than other blogs...thanks for your blog and the comments you write on others. Very illuminating for someone who just swallowed the red pill.

  5. Well, I guess I stay corrected then ;-)

  6. Game is like that. You need to learn and understand how the rules work, and once you do you won't be instantly transformed into a testosterone-poisoned Bull Alpha. But you will understand how the Bull Alpha uses his natural Game to remove panties, and you will be able to use those same techniques yourself -- without that extra family in Reno or a six-figure income. Because it's not yourself that you're changing, it's your presentation.

    Everyone and thier dog seems to have a "Learning game" book out there, and everyone has a different opinion on it. If YOU were going about learning these Rules and techniques for the first time, how would you go about it?
    Where would you start?

    1. I would begin, for a basic understanding, with Athol Kay's Married Man Sex Life 2011, which gives you the scientific basics of human reproduction from an evolutionary biology/psychology/hormonal standpoint, and how that relates to you getting laid more. Then, to refine technique, I'd refer to the classics, specifically Roissey's stuff and RooshV's Bang! And haunt all of those blogs. Ask questions. Even the dumb ones. If you get stuck, throw your problem out there like a man and ask for advice. Be open to challenging your basic assumptions, and recognize that you are the only one limiting your potential -- and that you are the one who has the most control over who you are and what you do.

      The Red Pill can be bitter, but it's worth it in the long run.

    2. Love the site man, you haven't been around that long, but you're one of the best out there now (don't listen to Mustache, I like a long, well thought out post any day). Saw your response on MMSL today (laundry mat one), really great stuff, keep it up. I'm learning a lot from you, Athol, etc. Plan to pick up "Bang!" shortly. You and Athol hit closest to home as there's not many other married guy blogs out there sharing our experiences. You and the other blogrolls you follow inspired me.

  7. If it got me laid more often, I would act and dress like Hillary Clinton. Seriously. Who the hell cares if you are acting like the real you or not? Getting more sex is worth any act that I have to put on to get it.

    1. Testify, my brother!

      I've yet to hear of the man who complained he got too much sex.

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  11. I used to be very nervous that I was "faking it" that delayed my understanding of game for quite some time. What I realized, and maybe this is some sort of male rationalization hamster, is that the very fact that I was not only unsatisfied with my relationships (or lack there of) with women but I was active in seeking a solution to my problem. And that is itself an alpha move. The desire to change, and push yourself to change your situation and to never give up is how I am alpha, not how I present alpha or anything. Adding game to that just helped me express what I really wanted.

    So I would say, if you are here reading this site, and this blog and your here because you pro actively sought information like this out, then that's how your alpha.

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