Wednesday, February 12, 2014

"Sex Addiction", the Hamster Said: Masculine Sexuality As Pathology

A post on CafeMom's blog TheStir made it to HuffPo, where it attracted my interest.  Of course any time someone mentions sex addiction, I'm all over it.  Unlike many in my industry, I agree that there is, indeed, such a thing as sex addiction.  I also know from my practical experience observing couples in trouble, the vast majority of time what gets flung around as "sex addiction" is actually just normal sexuality viewed from a the perspective of a low-desire spouse.  I've seen real sex addiction in action, and it's not pretty.

What "The Stir Bloggers" (because nothing lends credibility to a story like the anonymous plural) mention in her article, however, is not sex addiction.  You can read the piece yourself, but the headline is that this woman married a dude, who is by all accounts a good husband and father, but . . . shudder . . . he wants sex.  With her.  Every day.

Apparently Cupcake couldn't handle it.  She expected his libido to fade in conjunction with hers like "normal" people, but he persisted in being a regular guy . . . which means that he wants sex with his wife every day.  After years of dealing with his daily initiation and her usual rejection, she couldn't stand (or understand, apparently) why he might get frustrated.  She starts to pray he has an affair, but he's . . . shudder . . . a loyal husband and father, and despite his wife's apparent frigidity, he still loves her enough so that he's not going to give her an out by cheating on her.  "I wished he would turn to other women, but as the long-suffering husband, I don’t think his psyche would allow for it."  It doesn't enter her pretty little head that he might just be, y'know, a good husband and father . . . it has to be his ego and mental state (Beta) that she takes issue with.  He doesn't cheat because he's not man enough to cheat.

He turns to porn and she's hopeful . . . until he starts realizing all of the other sex their not having, too.  That just makes it worse.  "The porn further warped his sexual expectations, and his bitterness at my continued reluctance to be physically intimate with him more than three or four times a week grew."  Further warped his sexual expectations . . . as if his expectations of a healthy sex life were already warped.

But he still won't leave her.  He still won't do anything to cause a divorce because he's a stand-up guy.  The fact that she's no longer attracted to him isn't going to make him back out of his commitment.  He committed.  She committed.  There are kids involved.

Only Cupcake just . . . can't . . . take it anymore.  She cringes at his touch.  Her hamster is spinning: how do I get out of a relationship with a man I don't find attractive anymore if he won't cheat?

"Try Sex Addiction", the Hamster says.

So wanting sex with your wife every day - which the vast majority of husbands are guilty of - is enough sign of "sex addiction" to give this woman the rationalization she needs to destroy her family.  Because her husband "thought he owned my body" (the same body she presumedly had the day she married him and committed to being in a monogamous sexual relationship with him) he was a mentally ill monster who deserved to have his children ripped from his home.  Finally, he gets so mad . . . he hits a pillow.

Not her.  Not a kid.  Not a wall, a window, a walrus or a whale, he hit a freakin' pillow and his wife -- who had been habitually rejecting him for months if not years and denying any responsibility in the relationship -- freaks out.  That's violence.  A Beta lost control.  He's a sex addict, the Hamster whispered.  He's dangerous, the Hamster whispered.  You can do better, the Hamster whispered.

It didn't matter that "The kids were anxious a lot."  Fuck the kids' lives - this was her body she was dealing with.  Nothing was more important than that.  "A few months after the pillow-hitting incident, I hired an attorney and filed for divorce. I moved out with the kids with nothing but the photo albums, some clothes, and my car."  Spin, Hamster, Spin.

And the happy ending to the tragic story of one woman's struggle not to live up to her commitment to herself, her husband, her children, and whichever deity is applicable?

"Then all hell broke loose, because all of a sudden I was the heartless bitch that left her devoted, loyal husband without just cause. I’ve been called a whore to my face. I’ve lost friends, and acquaintances look at me with pity reserved for those that are making major mistakes. I’ve been told I’m ruining my kids’ lives, but the truth is that they’re doing better than ever."

Uh . . .what?  The kids are doing better than ever because mom doesn't have to have sex with dad anymore and live in a stable household?

Really, what kind of message does that send?  To her daughter it says "if you don't like something you committed to, you can find some excuse to leave - and you don't have to have sex with your husband".  To her son it says "women are fragile, flaky creatures who cannot be trusted to live up to their commitments or be held accountable for their actions, despite their insistence on equality - and you had better watch it, because if you piss off your wife you'll lose your kids, too".

And when it comes to her recovering, getting back in the dating sphere again post-wall, hoping to sucker another Beta into a commitment, she's going to have to deal with the response to "Yes, I divorced my last husband because he wanted to have sex too much."

I don't foresee a lot of second dates in her future.  Therapy, yes.

This is what Eat Pray Love looks like, fellas, with a vicious twist: she turned a healthy male sexuality into a creeping, destroying mental illness, and in order to claim "I’m doing better too. My body is mine again, and I will never again let someone convince me that I don’t have total ownership over it" this woman was willing to sacrifice the lives of everyone in her family.  Her husband will be bitter and angry, her children will be resentful and hurt, and her friends in the Matrix will offer her support while secretly delighting in her misery.  All so she could feel like she was in control of her body again.

I'm certain that will bring her daughter some solace when she's being eyed by a succession of her mother's future boyfriends.  I'm sure that will soothe her son when he flips out in rebellion or collapses into sour emohood in revulsion, once he understands exactly what happened to his childhood.

This is a FAIL.  This is what happens when you let the Hamster drive the bus.  How are we, as men, supposed to take feminism seriously when we're supposed to a) afford women equal respect but b) can't trust them to live up to their commitments?  This woman's body was hers.  It was hers the day she chose to marry her husband, and after that it was community property, as was his.

His demands weren't abusive, they were merely frequent.  Her tarnishing him as a Sex Addict - essentially pathologizing male sexuality - was a cheap shot straight from the Hamster Wheel . . . and you can bet dollars to diaphragms she's going to regret it bitterly herself someday.



So how did the public respond to this victimization?  While there were plenty of "atta-girls", of course, there were some choice ripostes:

"Ahhh yes..women are the perpetual victims..its always the guy's fault.I often encourage every single guy that i know not to walk the plank (get married) because at any given time for any given reason he can lose everything because a d@mn woman decides that she wants out or that she's unhappy and viola: even if he was faithful/and husband of the year--he has nothing.Any dude who wants to get hitched these days is a glutton for punishment and a masochist."

"So you marry young, stupid, & fast then get upset that he has an average, normal male sex drive?!? then after not having sex with him bc you're too tired (despite him working & being tired too) you're mad he's taking care of the issue himself!?!?!? then you whine about wanting him to cheat- which if he had this would be a boo hoo pity, pity poor me article. I can see why the author didn't put her name next to this article. it's an absolute disgusting embarrassment - Nice way to skate your part in taking the easy way out of a marriage, also give it 5 years with your new relationship & we'll see this same poor me bs bc he will want a healthy, normal sex life "

"Oh my, the excuses women come up with to divorce..."

"This is a perfect example of a woman who should never have gotten married. She says that the sex should die down after a while. WHY? Who says? I'm positive her husband didn't say that. In fact, I'll bet my ENTIRE paycheck, life savings AND retirement, that she NEVER uttered a word about her true feelings about sex to her future husband! So, they are going at it hot & heavy all the time. He's thinking, "This is great, she can keep up with me." And all the time, she thinking, after "I do"; I won't have to ever again. Typical frigid shrew that doesn't express herself, and then blames the guy because of her lies, her shortcomings."

"This is whats wrong w women today. They trap these men under false guise and then complain when they are the ones who change. They dont do the same they did in the beginning. Maybe the writer was the one w a low self esteem to jump like that w anyone. Everyone is entitled to an opinion but the world was a better place in the 1950s when women did submit to their husbands n stop trying to emasculate them and rule the house."

"I'm a male and really found your article informative [from a male perspective). My ex-gf left me similar to how you left your husband. I'm sure he had no clue and was crushed emotionally [like I was]. Even though he was physically stronger than you, you held the key to his heart emotionally. I wasn't there but I do believe that after you married him, you had second thoughts about what "forever" really means [and that's ok]. We have a right to change our minds about how we feel in America. IMHO, a stronger women could have tamed him if she truly loved him for who he was. I just think the flame went out for you but he thought he married the women to spend his life with."

From a therapist:

"Without wanting to offend you it appears you continue to take the "victim" role in this marriage gone by and I have read little about how you share or take responsibility for the failure of the marriage from your end? Instead you seem to blame it on his sex "addiction" best wishes"  Ouch.

"once again, entitled women that are too busy with themselves to recognise their husbands physical needs for intimacy, not just sex. seriously girls put out ffs and you might keep your husbands happy. men are pretty simple beings"

"I understand her ex-husbands frustration completely. Woman don't understand that sex to a man is a need not a want."

"Despite the effect this will have on the kids I think the real winner out of this is your husband. I could not imagine the drain it would take coming home to someone with your outlook on life after a hard days work."


42 comments:

  1. Jesus Christ. I guess put this one up alongside Jenny Erikson.

    My definition of normal sex in any heterosexual relationship: doing it whenever and however the guy wants.

    Your girlfriend isn't like that, you say? She's not like that with YOU, you mean.

    It's totally fine that there isn't an easy reason to leave the dude you no longer (or never did) want to have normal sex with (i.e., whenever/however he wants). I don't blame her, she's a normal woman. What's mind-blowing to guys is, absent lizard brain sex, a girl will still semi-happily marry him.

    More thoughts about lizard-brain sex: http://timberstjames.wordpress.com/2014/01/15/how-to-know-its-definitely-not-even-close-to-being-love-episode-2/

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  2. Yeah, I know this script. That's pretty much what happened with my ex-wife. She's still pissy that her family thinks she's a dumbass for leaving. Even had her mom say to me "Well, it must be a real relief for you to come home at the end of the day and her not be there" a few months after she moved out. Damn straight it's a relief.

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  3. I'm not sure what's next for me at this point. My wife is good company, a hard worker, and a great roommate. And has had NO interest in me physically in YEARS. She's put on 100 pounds partially in an effort to make me lose interest. It's succeeded. I knew we were going to get older and that she wasn't going to be a 19-year-old tightbody forever, but I did NOT sign on to stay married to a 250 pound land-whale who won't give BJ's.

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    1. This sounds really familiar. Then you're a dick for leaving because she gained weight (when the weight-gain is the symptom, not the cause). Divorce is so amazing, you gotta get out as soon as you can.

      Delete
    2. To Anonymous whale

      That is why women don't give a rat's fart, about you and other nasty mouthed and nasty attitude men. You think that because you do not get sex when, where, and how YOU want it, that it is okay to disrespect women? That bad attitude towards women and the degrading language you think is necessary to use when speaking about women, is what makes women turn off from men. . What woman wants to give a BJ to a disrespectful jerk? Anyway a woman's mouth was not made to give BJs. And the women who do BJs need to stop giving them. 4114

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    3. Actually, a large portion of my readership are precisely women who are looking to improve their relationships, Cupcake. You clearly don't speak for any women but yourself, and your attempt to shame us fails because we really just don't give a rat's ass about it.

      Consider: if the reaction towards women that occasionally rises here offends you, then perhaps it was the initial action from women that inspired it.

      Luckily, there are a whole lot of women in the world. You are fungible in a man's life. If you want a man to love you, you MUST BE LOVABLE.

      There are plenty of lovable women out there, if a man has Game and ambition to find a worthy one. This one . . . take a pass.

      Delete
    4. My advice: Get Athol Kay's Married Man Sex Life 2011. Now. Read it. Then explore the Manosphere, assess yourself and your relationship, and outline your options. Your path will likely become clear very quickly. Also, feel free to email me for advice. Sometimes I know what I'm talking about.

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    5. "I'm not sure what's next for me at this point. My wife is good company, a hard worker, and a great roommate. And has had NO interest in me physically in YEARS. She's put on 100 pounds partially in an effort to make me lose interest. It's succeeded. I knew we were going to get older and that she wasn't going to be a 19-year-old tightbody forever, but I did NOT sign on to stay married to a 250 pound land-whale who won't give BJ's."

      I'd dump her ass faster than you can say whale. The beached whale isn't worth it.

      Delete
  4. Good article. It's interesting, I went from spinning plates to attempting monogamy again, hoping to start a family. Her sex drive isn't half of mine, and I'm used to a variety. Not sure how this is going to turn out. I love her, we have a strong emotional connection, but she's got to up her girl game if this has a chance in hell of succeeding. After spinning plates for the last 3-4 years, I have options, and those options don't just go away when a guy decides to try monogamy again. One thing is sure, I'm not likely to marry this girl anytime soon.

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  5. Could it be that many men these days don't know how to F**k? When I was young I read a lot of books on techniques on to how to drive a woman to a screaming orgasm. I did a lot of experimenting and tried many different things before I hit upon a serious of techniques that got my wife screaming "Oh God!"

    All I can say is that if your wife isn't dragging you off to bed then perhaps you might be doing something wrong. Either that or I married a nymphomaniac.

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  6. This story is exactly why if you're a man these days, you are just plain out of your mind if you get married. If your partner suddenly decides that twenty minutes of daily sex is intolerable abuse, then you MOVE ON.

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  7. Yeah and twenty minutes isn't that long in the sack. It's just easier to not waste your life and time on the low-sex-drive ones: best to keep your options open.

    Just reading through the article was nothing unusual. I hear this all the time from guys who ended up divorced - simply because they have a sex drive and she's lost hers for him. One even recently said to me that he was surprised at the number of women looking for sex. Yep: they want a meal-ticket and all they have to offer is their bodies.

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  8. "Could it be that many men these days don't know how to F**k?"

    More like they don't know how women achieve orgasm. Penis in vagina just doesn't do it for the majority of women; jackhammering, going to poundtown, etc. can get, literally, painfully boring for us. I'm amazed at the number of women who have been married for decades and never had an orgasm with their husbands (or so they tell me).

    But even so, sex gets less important as one gets older. Sorry, guys, sex is more important to you than to us; blame it on nature. Genital tingles are fun but they just aren't THAT much fun.

    (I'm not excusing bad wifey behavior. She could have slapped on some lube, got into position and given him his poontang. Or allowed him to have a discreet affair on the side. Maybe we could take our cues from the French!)

    Cat Lady

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    1. A dude generally knows how a dude achieves orgasm. So he got his side of equation covered.

      So how about a girl figures her side of the equation on her own? And then communicates it to the dude in a clear and efficient way?

      You know - like partners do in an equal relationship.

      Because if you ask me to handle both sides of equation - and a lot of dudes actually do - then what IS your contribution to sex, except just showing up?

      There are jackasses out there, sure. But they are minority. Majority of men would throw an effing parade in honor of women proactively communicating stuff they want and like in sex.

      But I am not holding my breath.

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    2. It does not really work that way. Even if you have your side figured out mechanically, it's still not the complete sexual union.

      I have my side figured out, for sure. But minding each one's side does not work well. It only works when I mind the man and he minds me. Otherwise, it's unnervingly an act of mutual masturbation.

      And indeed, women sometimes need time off, for a variety of reasons. Best to give an advance warning, and take the time off. Then go back into the action.

      Everything must have seasons and variability- if it turns into a habit...it's not quite the thing.

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    3. So if she has" bad wifey behavior", then when a man is not in the mood or can't get his little wee wee up, should we tell his wife to have an affair on the side? How would his ego feel if his wife cheated on him, because of low desire or an impotent wee wee? Would we tell women to cheat. You see you all need to be careful what we suggest.
      I am sorry to tell you folks but the truth is most men are selfish in bed and think that if they thrust for 3 minutes, that the wife likes it and she should get hers and enjoy it. No, I do not condone either partner not giving some sex to the other partner, but please ladies tell the truth here. Why don't these men get it??

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    4. I find it fascinating that in these discussions the (clearly female) commentors cannot resist the temptation to emasculate and diminish the men in the equation.

      I somehow I seriously doubt the lady in the above comment is in any position to establish what the truth is about most men's sexual prowess. The TRUTH is, men want sex and will do just about anything to get it. There is nothing shameful or ugly about that . . . it's WHO WE ARE as men. I'm sure her experience (as related above) was in part inspired by her utter lack of girl-game, a harsh attitude, and a domineering manner.

      You get what you pay for, fellas.

      Delete
  9. Yah - women just don't have the testosterone and rarely have the same drive to orgasmic release - but they can still be willing to be good partners. Alison Armstrong has an interesting point - look at the Dec 2011 article at this link http://www.understandmen.com/articles/worldnews.html And never mind the politics, this sums it up pretty well also. http://townhall.com/columnists/dennisprager/2008/12/23/when_a_woman_isnt_in_the_mood_part_i/page/full

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  10. and just realized that for whatever reason part 1 still does not seem to have a link I can see to part 2 - so for those of you interested: http://townhall.com/columnists/dennisprager/2008/12/30/when_a_woman_isnt_in_the_mood_part_ii/page/full

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  11. Delichon above wins quote of the day:

    "Majority of men would throw an effing parade in honor of women proactively communicating stuff they want and like in sex. "

    +1. If I could get my wife to tell me what she's into, what she wants to try, etc I would be one happy man. Instead I get "uh, nothing--just sex". Wow, that really turns me on! No creativity, no bravado, no energy. And of course I'm the "sex addict" because I want sex several times a week. FML.

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  12. Hey Ian, trying to get in touch. Still hoping to hear your test thoughts. Is there anything I can help with?

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  13. Lets' not be dramatic; She was giving him sex 3/4 times a week before right? That is way above the national average for one. Also I'm pretty sure he wants to have sex probably as a substitute to masturbation, meaning just to relax, not necessarily the emotional stuff so not sure why the wife will have to comply with stuff he could do without her. Had a boyfriend like that, at the beginning I thought he was really into me, but quickly realized he was more into the "release" itself than the emotional aspect of sex, made it hard to differentiate and cheapen the whole thing in the end.
    Plus who has time to have good sex everyday?

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    1. Yes, every man aspires for an "average" sex life as a validation of himself. And yes, the "need for release" often drives us - but that's part of MALE SEXUALITY. The idea that the male approach to sexuality "cheapens" it in any way demonstrates a lack of understanding and a misandrist cast to your comment.

      And if you aren't willing to make the time to have good sex, you probably don't deserve good sex.

      Delete
    2. We'll agree to disagree. Understanding it doesn't mean accepting it. We all have to find that average that works for both of you. I don't think we should throw a pity party for a guy who gets probably more sex than your regular reader here. And, yes, there are behavior that cheapens emotional essence, for men and women, it is not a gendered observation so we can hold off the "misandrist" horses. Women requesting "romantic" masquerades cheapen the feeling, men requesting sex with no emotional investment or as some "masturbation inside me thing" ruins it. It becomes a chore and this is where his wife is getting even though we could say that they have a good, even better sex life than the every day guy.
      Listen, people don't care what internal narrative you have where you're Rocco Siffredi and in pain. You've got to live in reality. The problem is most men know they want sex but not all of them know what kind of sex they are asking for, what other options they could explore and when they need to escalate to me. I understand men get erections and want to have sex, however, it is written nowhere that women need to attend EVERY SINGLE ONE OF THEM!

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    3. You don't put out, then out you go.

      Delete
  14. Brothels have always been part of the basic infrastructure of civilization. A nation that shuts them down out of superstition is a dying nation.

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  15. This is also a classic case of "women marry expecting him to change, men marry expecting her to never change."

    Just do the ol' gender switch and see how well it works out:

    "I was was working really hard at this 6 figure job, so I could impress her. I thought that, like normal, I could ease back on that like most men do. But now, she keeps saying that she wants to be kept in the manner in which she was accustomed."

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  16. Good Article. I debated on leaving a comment b/c I have never done so, however, this article hit a little close to home with me personally. I am your average southern good girl, I actually homeschool (don't give a sh#t what you think about that), was brought up to believe the man is the head of the home and I want that in my home. That's how I found this blog in the first place....wanting my husband to be more dominant. I have long hair, dress feminine b/c I love being a girl, I'm at my husband's beck-and-call bc he owns a stressful business and I try to always have his meals ready when he gets home, a clean happy environment, coordinate all 3 kids busy schedules and make sure they are at practices , etc. I'm by no means perfect but I'm invested in my marriage. So that being said, here is my problem---many of you are lumping most women into the same group and that just sucks! I'm lucky if I get sex 3 x's a month!!! I just asked him last night should we see a therapist b/c he said he has a low libido

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    1. I could certainly help you out with that.

      Delete
    2. I don't know what the problem is but if you want sex he should be putting out. That's part of a strong marriage. My guesses:

      He's either an idiot

      You're overweight (I would guess this isn't the problem though since you seem to put so much work into your marriage?)

      or

      He may just be suffering from low testosterone. If this is the problem then he probably should have his test levels checked.

      And btw, kudos to you for everything else you do.

      Delete
  17. What Cat Lady said above is a load of crap and she is lumping us altogether as well. She said
    "But even so, sex gets less important as one gets older. Sorry, guys, sex is more important to you than to us; blame it on nature. Genital tingles are fun but they just aren't THAT much fun"
    First of all you are not having good sex so I pity you as well as me for the infrequency of mine. Next I disagree with you bc sex gets more important in my 30s than 20s, usually women hit that "peak". The "jackhammer" comment is NEVER boring, what the heck and as far as genital tingles not that good...you definitely aren't having it the right way!!
    So people please don't do me the disservice and lump us all into a category. You should be smarter.
    --Good Southern Girl

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  20. It seems to me, the problem the woman describes in the original article is poor communication skills. He wanted more sex, and rather than putting on his big boy pants and talking it out with her, he crossed his arms and pouted like she'd taken away his Xbox (and at one point actually punching the pillow next to her head when he didn't get his way.) Judging from the comments, I'm guessing this is how most of you MRA doofuses act on the regular.

    And she didn't want that much sex, and rather than putting on her big girl pants, and talking it out with him, she tried subtle hints and just hoped if she ignored the problem, it would go away. Not surprising behavior, considering women are socialized to be indirect and to avoid hurting little Man of the House's feelys.

    Incidentally, it's a bit scary that someone will come right out and say sex is "doing it whenever and however the guy wants." That sounds like rape, not sex to me.

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    1. I'm not holding him up as an example, I'm merely pointing out that her perspective on his desires, and the place of sex in marriage in general, portrays her as a victim and him as an agressor when he's displaying perfectly typical male sexual behavior - not pathology.

      Neither one of them handled the issue properly, Red Pill style. That boat had holes in both sides, but she's the one who sank it.

      I would advise you to think carefully before you label someone's particular sexuality "scary", unless you are willing to be held to the same standard. What "sounds like rape" to you is the cornerstone for tens of thousand of marriages, many of them very happy, compared to industry standard.

      Delete
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  22. Same as it always is.

    "Could it be that many men these days don't know how to F**k?"

    "poor communication skills. He wanted more sex, and rather than putting on his big boy pants and talking it out with her, he crossed his arms and pouted "

    Fish don't even know they're swimming in water....

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  23. Harsh truth is, the real "passion" expires in about 2 years. The novelty wears off, and there's not much to counter that. Like the average female hamster, she didn't marry him because of lurve or passion anyway. He was always just a spermbank with the potential for alimony payments later on. And his duty was done, as far as she was concerned. Moving on.

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  24. Truth is, women just won't tell their men the truth, because, they either don't want to hurt his feelings, or they are afraid that the men will turn away from her.
    Truth is, for some women and those who I have talked with, sex is just not satisfying with their husbands because selfishishness and laziness becomes active traits in the bedroom. Many men do not realize that women do not have a desire to release. so, since women do not have a need or desire to relase anything, then men canot blame women. Dialogue and the willingness to see the other partner's reality is needed so that behaviors can be adjusted. Otherwise we will continue to have these conversations that leave both sides frustrated.

    Also, women are not wired like men are, and do not need release like men do. Sex can be enjoyed by women, but many can do without it. Too much trouble for not getting anything out of the deal. Women resent their men, because when doesn't satisfy her while he is getting his thrill on, it makes her mad at him. Too many positions and awkward setups for the woman's body to get in, when the man just lets his genital fall into the cavity. it is easy for him plus he gets his big O.
    It really is understandable why women shut their husbands down. Don"t men get this? Why do we not have books in bookstores to tell men what it takes to satisfy their women?. Oh I know, men are too selfish and too lazy to care. Men just want to have an excuse to blame it on the wife for having a lousy sex life. Wee, men it is on you too.

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    1. While some of your points are cogent, you make some very broad generalizations, but let me simplify the matter for you:

      Trying to rationalize away sexual laziness and lack of attention to your partner's needs and desires, while typical, doesn't change the fact of the matter. The fact of the matter is that if you aren't willing to do those things for him, there are other women who will be more than happy to. Male attractiveness increases with age, female attractiveness decreases. And thanks to feminist-inspired no-fault divorce . . . well, in the age of the internet, he has EVERY SINGLE WOMAN ON THE PLANET to take him off of your hands. So put that into your equation and re-calculate.

      Delete
    2. You know all this angst could be avoided if men would:

      1. worship the clit! Do you even know what it is? Learn where, why, how and what to do with the dang thing for the love of Christ! Imagine yourself having intercourse hundreds or times and never, not even once, achieving orgasm. That's how it is for so many women. Does that sound like a good time to you?

      2. Learn to eat pussy! Do it right and often.
      Do you like blowjobs? We like oral too. Does that sound fair?

      If your response is: she's responsible for her own orgasm, then, fine, why does she need you?

      Ian, how about a post on this?

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