My Favorite MILF

I feel guilty about writing a real post right now because one of my agents called, one of my novels is getting some Hollywood attention, and he wants me to re-write the whole 300,000 word monstrosity in a week.  So I really should be doing that right now, but I'm procrastinating.  Author's prerogative.

So I was over at MMSL this morning, pretty much like every other morning, and Athol had posted a beautiful and insightful (if stark and dreary, for some) summation about Relative Sex Rank and True (or what I call Objective) Sex Rank, and rightly pointed out that no matter how hot a 40 year old woman is, she isn't going to have the pure animal sexuality and higher Sex Rank that a 20 year old woman does no matter how much she tries.

But he also pointed out that the flip side of this (using his beautiful bride as an example) is that a 40 year old woman has other assets at her disposal, like a more secure and experienced sexuality.  She can, in other words, become a MILF.  Some ladies who are at that stage of life felt disheartened , so I wrote a long comment about this, and someone asked me to slap it on my blog, so in the interests of procrastination . . .

Athol’s dead right about this . . . and about his MILFy conclusion.

That’s part of marriage that many young men don’t understand. How can you stay with a woman long-term if her actual rank is destined to depreciate over time while yours is inclined to appreciate? If women are fungible, then isn’t serial monogamy with a steadily increasing age difference between you and each successive new wife a better deal for dudes?

It’s a trade-off — and in my opinion, with proper bride selection, it’s a trade-off that ultimately rewards a man (or at least the right kind of man) for him making the investment in marriage. Because while the pay-off isn’t yet-another hot 25 year old in your bed every couple of years, it can be in the form of a 40 year old who can remind you of her 25 year old self while maintaining the erotic self-confidence and sexual experience only a lifetime of intimacy can produce. The MILF, in other words.

I don’t think people understand how important, culturally speaking, the idea of the MILF is to us. It’s the first time a generally positive term for a sexually-active woman of any age has been used in our language. Before MILF, the only socially-acceptable term was “wife”, and that came loaded with a lot of agricultural-age baggage that really doesn’t apply to a post-industrial marriage. In other words, while “wife” implied a sexual component, it was but a part of a far wider-ranging role.

MILF on the other hand is purely sexual, and almost always used in a positive way. Calling a woman a MILF is a compliment, not a curse. “Cougar” has some predatory connotations implied.  But MILF is almost wholesome, yet undeniably sexual -- it's got FUCK right there at the end of the acronym.

Some women shy away from the term because of that.  But they should be eagerly embracing it.  For those who believe that men are universally hung up on 24 year old big-boobed blondes, it might surprise you to find out that MILF porn accounts for a disproportionately large percentage of over-all porn sales. There are plenty of solid psychological reasons for this, but among the most obvious is the fact that older women — MILFs — enjoy a far deeper sexual confidence than a woman fifteen or twenty years younger. The veneer of innocence a young woman projects is gone, replaced with a thick layer of I-have-a-vagina-and-I-know-how-to-use-it confidence that is inherently arousing to men.

Don’t believe me? Consider that among the most important elements to a man who is watching porn isn’t the relative beauty of the female performers — it’s how convincingly they can portray their pure enjoyment of the act.  As I've said before many times, there's an old pornosphere saying, that "it's easier to take a girl who knows how to fuck and make her pretty than it is to teach a pretty girl how to fuck."  That positive enjoyment of the sexual experience is compellingly alluring to most men.  Younger women are often preoccupied by how they look and how they are being perceived, what the experience means and what the social fallout from her liaison will be when they have sex with a man. Older women, especially older, married women, have often transcended that preoccupation, especially if they have been intimate with the same partner for years and years.

A lot of guys wonder how I can stare at drop-dead gorgeous women having outrageous sex all day and still go home to a wife who isn’t just as beautiful. The fact is, my exposure to so many beautiful (and not-so-beautiful) women has actually convinced me more than anything else that a deep knowledge of one woman is far more erotically fulfilling — to me at least — than the shallow acquaintance with a multitude of female bodies. For one thing, beauty is no guarantee of erotic talent (and yes, some people are more naturally talented at sex than others, just as some are better athletes or better musicians). But no matter how much native talent a young woman has, sex is also a skill that must be learned over time and properly practiced to be mastered. The “trade-off” for youth and beauty is experience, skill, and self-confidence that leads to greater passion and higher-quality sex (in aggregate — all the bad married sex even great couples have is part of the process).

I frequently tell Mrs. Ironwood (and hell, pretty much anyone who cares) that she is my favorite MILF, and I can say that with utter sincerity. Even if I dropped her tomorrow for a skinny 25 year old nymphomaniac, it would take another 20 years to tune my new wife to the same level as Mrs. Ironwood is now, and I know that.  It takes that long to develop the kind of familiarity, intimacy and confidence in a relationship to get to the really good stuff.  To put it in Manosphere terms, Mrs. Ironwood’s Relative Sex Rank to me is far higher than her True (or Objective) Sex Rank based on that long familiarity complimented by a willingness to experiment that keeps our intimate life from becoming routine or boring. That’s why she’s my favorite MILF, and always will be. She’s a sexually-active wife in a functioning heterosexual dyad, and that should be celebrated in a positive manner.

Besides, it’s a lot easier than culturally-reclaiming the term “slut”.

And that's why you shouldn't be overly discouraged if you're staring 40 in the face and wondering how soon your husband is going to start considering trading you in for a newer model.  You might not be a 9 anymore, objectively, but factor in the experience and confidence you’ve gained as you’ve lost objective capital, and that can significantly raise your SUBjective score vis a vis your man.  Also remember that your husband's perception of your Subjective Sex Rank is not based purely on your raw attractiveness, but your willingness to explore, experiment, and most importantly be available.  Your boobs might not defy gravity anymore, but then again a 20 year old isn't going to feel comfortable with . . . well, probably that thing you know he likes A WHOLE LOT, because of that one time when you did it that certain way.  Hell, you can probably just mention the occasion to him and he'll get an erection.

In other words,
A young husband brags about how pretty his wife is. 
An OMG brags about how his wife will still do him in the parking lot.

The plain fact of the matter is, beauty isn’t just in the eye of the beholder, in women it is also augmented by the positive attention they receive, knowing that they are being beheld. That is, a 40 year old 7 who knows her husband thinks she’s hot because he's shagging her four times a week like clockwork is going to naturally act more sexually self-confident — “hotter” — than her objective criteria are going to suggest. A single 40 year old 7 is at the mercy of the attention she receives in the SMP to validate her beauty, and that can be a brutal endeavor. As a result, she isn’t going to be as confident or secure in her sexuality, and that’s going to depress her SMV.  Score one for the married MILFs.

As disheartening as Athol’s summation may sound to some of the 39ish wives who are starting to worry as their men do the MAP, the fact that you have a dude who is “stuck with this old hag” and doesn’t seem to mind should raise your spirits. Yes, he’s still going to be aroused by the sight and presence of nubile females . . . if he didn’t, he wouldn’t have hit on you in the first place, now would he?

But the fact that he’s encouraging you to re-invest in the erotic relationship instead of wandering after the first unoccupied vagina should bring you a tremendous amount of security. Dudes who go that route don’t often encourage their wives to stay in shape simply so they can rationalize their infidelities away. If he still wants you at slightly-before-40, then odds are he’s already hooked on your Subjective Sex Rank and is invested for the long term.  And your most successful strategy to keep your marriage on track is do your damnedest to become his favorite MILF.

What a lot of wives don't appreciate is just how freaking lazy most men are.  By and large we'd much rather stick with a known variable than try to break in a completely new woman.  Oh, we love to look, fantasize, etc., but where the rubber meets the road, just from a practical prospective new women are expensive, time-consuming, and notoriously unpredictable.  Given our druthers, most OMGs would much rather fuck their wives more often than go to all the trouble of cultivating a mistress or a future second wife.  Making that an easier option could be a good strategy for your long-term happiness.

Because in the sexually-simplistic mind of most dudes, the best pussy he ever had was the last one he had, and the best one he'll ever have will be the next one.  If both of those are yours, then you probably don't have much to worry about.  That might mean you have to turn up the freaky a little every now and then, but you'd be amazed at how powerful that is.

So next time you see his head turned by a perky rack, don't get pissed, moody, or depressed:

Do him in the parking lot. 
He’ll forget all about the perky titties.
And you'll be his favorite MILF.

And  that’s this week’s lesson from Uncle Ian’s Porn Corner . . .

MY SEVEN

I got nominated for this 7 Questions thing from several bloggers, and so I feel obligated to answer.  I'll wait to pass it on to 7 other bloggers simply because I haven't figured out which 7 (and which ones have already been invited).  But here is my response:

7 Questions:

1.) What is your favorite song?

That’s a hard one.

2.) What is your favourite dessert?

The next one.

3.) What do you do when you're upset?

I brood.  Dear gods, I brood.  If I’m upset, really upset, my eyebrows lock into Brooding Position, and remain there.  I withdraw into the sanctity of my metaphorical Man Cave, and depending on the nature and origin of what has upset me, I have occasionally had recourse to drink, which helps with the brooding if done in moderation.  After I work up a good brood, I usually turn that into some productive problem-solving strategy, but by that time I’ve freaked out my whole family with the intensity of my brooding.

4.) Which is your favourite pet?

Cats.  Ironic, I know.  But my family has had cats my entire life.  My house is not truly a home without a cat.  Our current resident feline is named Lucifer, and is at the top of his game as a Rodent Control Technician.  But I’ve always had cats, and always will.

5.) White bread or whole meal?

Whole wheat.  For the fiber.  And if I have a preference, Pumpernickel.

6.) What's your biggest fear?

Not being able to avoid tragedy.  And knowing that it is an inevitable part of the human condition which can only be mitigated, never cured.

7.) What's your attitude most of the time?

The only person whose judgment of my actions is meaningful to me is, ultimately, me.  The standards and expectations of the rest of the world are nearly insignificant compared to my standards and expectations of myself.  While that can easily lead to a crippling self-criticism and a defeatist attitude, I take great care to appreciate my successes and learn from my failures, determined to live up to my own expectations.  Mrs. Ironwood is invaluable in this – she helps keep me honest and acts as a coach/fan club more than a critic, but it is ultimately my opinion, and mine alone, that has to guide my actions. 

7 Fun Facts About Me:

1.) I work in porn.  And I love it. 

2.) I have over five different pseudonyms as a writer, plus my real name, and four of them have developed fan bases independent of each other.  As a writer, that’s highly gratifying.  One of these has recently caught the attention of a major Hollywood producer (no lie) which is why my postings have been slow lately.  I’m re-writing the manuscript that will, hopefully, make me embarrassingly rich.  If not, it’s still gratifying.  The English language is my bitch.

3.) I’m probably the most progressive voice, politically speaking, in the Manosphere and that’s . . . okay.  I support a woman’s right to choose, access to birth control, benevolent and well-executed social programs, reasonable taxation, investment in alternative energy, housing, and education, civil rights, equal rights, gay rights (especially marriage rights) and most of the rest of the liberal/progressive Humanistic platform.  Except for Marxism and Feminism, both of which I find amusingly naïve and mildly repugnant for their intellectual dishonesty and their ends-justify-the-means execution of their ideologies.  If you don’t think I can be a progressive without supporting feminism, then please explain to my conservative colleagues how I can be conservative and still support birth control, abortion rights, and civil rights.  I’ll just watch.  It should be entertaining.

4.)  I’m a Neo-Pagan.  That’s right, I’m an accused misogynist who worships the Great Goddess and the Old Gods of my ancestors, and have been for over 25 years.  I’m an initiated Wiccan, High Priest and Druid.  A tree-honoring, ancestor-worshiping, bonfire-dancing idolater.  My taking the Red Pill has in no way lessened my devotion to the Goddess . . . indeed, the Red Pill has become the source of a breathtakingly insightful perspective on the theology of a feminine divinity.  I know that makes me seem like a godless idolater to many of my Christian readers, but that’s . . . okay.  Just take my words with a secular grain of salt, appreciate them for how they are useful to you, and try to forget about the fact that, according to your sect, I’m going to burn in hell for all of eternity.  Seriously, don’t sweat it – that’s where all my friends will be, too.

5.)  I have an outstanding relationship with my father, which helps fuel my determination to help re-valorize masculinity under our own terms.  And no, he and my mom have been married for almost fifty years, now, so he didn’t suffer through a bitter divorce or an unhappy marriage.  Papa Ironwood is the wisest man I know, and if I end up half as wise as he is, I’ll count myself utterly fortunate.

6.) The only sport I’m devoted to is Figure Skating.  It’s a long story, and has nothing to do with my masculinity and everything to do with my grandmother.  But the upside is that Mrs. Ironwood has not lost me to a ball game or sporting event of any sort – NOT ONCE – in 20 years.  And you thought my cooking was my only asset . . .

7.)  As a few of you know, and many have urged me, I'm quietly writing a book on the Manosphere and how it is revalorizing masculinity in the post-feminist era.  I've gotten a lot of help from some powerful Manosphere bloggers, and I've made some significant progress.  However, I'm always looking for additional material, so if the Manosphere has made a big difference in your life, then I encourage you to write me at ian.ironwood (at) gmail.com and put "TESTIMONIAL" in the subject line.  Doing so will automatically grant me the rights to use your words in the book, but I'm more than happy to credit you anonymously if you'd prefer.

Now all we need is some Red Pill merchandising . . .